Not sure if he is a lazy bum

[Squishy90]

Hi! So I have a bit of a problem. I'm about to be 21 and my boyfriend is 25. We've been dating for about 3 years and I like him. I recently moved out from my parents house and have a steady good job. He still lives with his parents, dropped out of community college back in february, and is supposedly looking for a job. He's been looking for a job since he dropped out of college in february. But, I'm not convinced that he's actually looking for a job. He's never been to an interview. Is it that hard to find a job? I mean, I am extremely grateful for the job I have.. but I really think he would have a job by now if he's been actively looking. Now he just stays at home all day, everyday, and watches TV or plays video games. Does this guy sound like a lazy bum? I don't want to date someone like that. I want someone who is hard working and has an education. I'm also not so in love with him like I used to be.. What do you guys think? Should I just give him more time? :strawberry:

[Oneironaut]

Even in this economy, someone who is truly trying their hardest to find ANY job will usually manage to get at least an interview here and there.

 

The fact that you don't love him as much as you used to is even more telling, though.

 

I would think very seriously about whether or not this is a man you see yourself being with long-term, and if not, please consider moving on. There are plenty of motivated, ambitious men who would love to have an equally ambitious woman like yourself.

[Point5]

Give him more time for what? If hes been looking for a job since February than I am sure he wouls have at least been on an interview. Besides, your commebt, "we have been dating for 3 years and i like him" kind of shows me that youve matured from the 18 year old that started dating hi

[Squishy90]

Thanks girls. I don't think I see myself with him long term.. now I just need to figure out how to break up with him. But I feel so bad breaking up. I've read stories of people here that are so upset because their boyfriend/girlfriend have broken up with them, and it makes me feel so icky inside that I'll probably make him feel the same way

[Oneironaut]

Yeah, breaking up is never easy...I've only broken up with 3 guys in my entire life, and none of them were easy at all, especially when they cry and beg. But you have to be strong, because as someone who has been in his place, i.e. had times where I simply didn't WANT to find a job, I can tell you that it most likely won't get better. As long as he is getting a free ride from his parents, he will continue sitting on his backside, watching TV and playing video games. They aren't doing him any favors by allowing this to continue.

 

Yes, he'll hurt and be in pain for a while, but he WILL get over it and move on. You have to think of yourself, and what you deserve in a relationship. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be.

[Point5]

Well maybe itll open his eyes and he will make changes in his life that will make him more attractive to other women. Some people just need that kick in the butt. Right now it just seems like hes careless, unmotivated, and has just gotten comfortable by settling.

[myhonestanswer]

"he just stays at home all day, everyday, and watches TV or plays video games"

 

Yes, he's a lazy bum.

[ApocalypseDreams]

If you are not happy with him then I say break up with him. Life's too short to spend attached to someone you have serious questions about.

 

In the long term it might help him as well. Like Point5 said, something like this could help him in the long run to make some better changes in his life.

[Sambuca]

Is he perhaps suffering from depression? Or maybe he is just a lazy bum. I will say this though - in the current economy, it's perfectly possible to be unable to find a job. My brother has been looking for a job without success since his college graduation right before Christmas, and he's neither lazy or a bum - there just aren't many decent jobs around, and with a college degree he gets turned down for being overqualified for a lot of the crappy jobs that are available.

[Squishy90]

Aww, I'm sorry about your brother Sambuca. I hope he finds one soon

 

And nah, he's not depressed. I will break up with him once I gather the courage. Thank you all so much