BellaDonna Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 How do I change the dynamic? Any specific tips? Don't ask her for it or try to initiaite anymore. Make sex a non-issue. Pretend it doesn't exist. Be normal with her in all other regards. She will then wonder why you are not wanting it, asking for it anymore, then the ball will be in your court and maybe she will feel a little insecure, and then she'll probably initiate it herself. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Yes. I've had 1 year of being single. I think it's more about the mental side of sex than physical. What "mental side" are you referring to exactly? I get the vibe that you're more interested in having sex in general, not so much sex with this woman specifically. Link to comment
Snowy Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 The mental side is that sex makes me feel wanted. Who doesn't want their girlfriend to desire them sexually? The physical pleasure of sex, in my opinion, is over-rated so it's not really about thrusting. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 The mental side is that sex makes me feel wanted. I think the point is that 1) you shouldn't be relying so much on outside validation, and 2) you ideally will get to the point where you believe your partner wants you without that having to be constantly reinforced by sex. Your reaction is honestly far more indicative of physical lust more than anything else. Link to comment
april15 Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 This is that magic state you are looking for. I know exactly what you are talking about. When things are rocky with my wife there is that disconnect both mentally and physically. It is that mental part the drives me crazy. Trying not to focus on that is the best that I can do, being aware of it and trying not to dwell on it. For me visiting Rosy Palm is just a quick fix that will help me sleep but not much else, if anything it makes me want her more. Get it in your mind that you will NOT be having any sex and that will help too. When I know there is something physically keeping my wife from doing the deed, that mental pressure does not build. If it just popps up the pressure does take a couple days to go away before I can relax, knowing she cannot be sexual. I am sure someone will be able to chime in with the subconscious information and how the mind works, I just know how I feel and understand that mental but somehow sexual pressure you are talking about. Good luck, I will be watching this thread to get some more info. The ena community is very knowledgeable. Link to comment
Snowy Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 2) you ideally will get to the point where you believe your partner wants you without that having to be constantly reinforced by sex. I really wish I've gotten to that point. But I haven't. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 Aren't you like 16? And your ex is 15ish? If I remember reading on some thread lol (don't know why I remembered) but anyway... Focus on school lol. You're making sex a hugeee deal. Link to comment
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