Doesn't he want ANY girlfriend or ONLY me?

[PrettyGood]

I asked him a question if I have ANY chance to be with him one day as a couple.

 

He said that now he's fine without any girlfriend and he doesn't plan to have one in his future. He had several, but he dumped them all because they were too much in love with him, they were clingy, jealous and needy. He's nice so he can get sex from anyone he likes without any commitment. He also say that now he can live his life at the moment, without much planning, without any empty promises about commitment to girls and even save more money living alone than living with some kind of girl.

 

So does that mean that he just doesn't want to have a relationship with me or does that mean that his thinking is narrow at this moment and he may get a girlfriend in his future just takes what life gives him at this moment? I'm beautiful, independent and not demanding, but he think that it's only a temporary image like most of the girls. What do you think?

[lavenderdove]

No, he sounds like a selfish clod who is just using women for sex and is emotionally stunted. The fact that he would say anything like that at all means he basically doesn't like women very much, sees them in a really negative way, but is willing to use them to satisfy his sexual needs.

 

This man has NOTHING to offer you and is indeed offering you nothing and making it very clear he will not do so in future. You really need to look elsewhere.

[tresqua]

I asked him a question if I have ANY chance to be with him one day as a couple.

 

What do you think?

 

I think you have low self esteem issues and that when you ask someone a question like that, what you are REALLY saying is "You are much better/more attractive/more desirable person than I am, and I am very insecure and want to be assured of a possible future with you. You on the other hand, are in a position of superiority to me, and you are free to choose whether you want me in your life or whether you'll toss me to the side like a discarded can of tuna fish and pick someone else".

 

In case you don't understand, let me rephrase. NEVER EVER ask a person if you're good enough for THEM. No one on the face of the planet deserves to be put on such a pedestal.

 

The most important person in the world is the one looking back at you in the mirror.

[FathomFear]

No, he sounds like a selfish clod who is just using women for sex and is emotionally stunted.

 

Actually it sounds like he's doing the complete opposite. If he were a player/user he would pretend to want a LTR just to string the OP along. But he's being honest and saying he only prefers casual relationships at this time, with no strings attached. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. It only becomes a problem when people hide this preference.

[PrettyGood]

In case you don't understand, let me rephrase. NEVER EVER ask a person if you're good enough for THEM. No one on the face of the planet deserves to be put on such a pedestal. The most important person in the world is the one looking back at you in the mirror.

 

Omg, I really understand what you're saying. I really shouldn't ask like that because what answer should I get from him? But I asked already. So how can I fix the situation at least for now to show (not only to talk) that I'm better than ALL those girls he had? I mean I don't need to have him as a bf desperately, but still at least I want to show that I have a lot "on my plate" to suggest That I have a high value which he would desire automatically and understand that he made a mistake. I even don't know if it's possible at all

[FathomFear]

Omg, I really understand what you're saying. I really shouldn't ask like that because what answer should I get from him? But I asked already. So how can I fix the situation at least for now to show (not only to talk) that I'm better than ALL those girls he had? I mean I don't need to have him as a bf desperately, but still at least I want to show that I have a lot "on my plate" to suggest That I have a high value which he would desire automatically and understand that he made a mistake. I even don't know if it's possible at all

 

Based on what he told you, I don't think it will matter if you're "better" than anyone else he's been with before. He said he's not interested in a relationship at this time. Of course, he might change his mind but I wouldn't wait around for him to do that.

[browneyedgirl36]

Based on what he told you, I don't think it will matter if you're "better" than anyone else he's been with before. He said he's not interested in a relationship at this time. Of course, he might change his mind but I wouldn't wait around for him to do that.

 

Exactly. I don't think it will matter what you do or say -- at this point, his mind is made up.

 

And, I have to ask, what's so great about this guy to begin with? Don't you think you can do better? As another poster pointed out, at least he's being honest about his intentions, but that doesn't make him a great guy -- certainly not worth waiting around for and trying to be what you think he wants in the hope that he will be with you.

 

As people -- including myself -- asked you in your other thread, why don't you think you deserve better than this?

[PrettyGood]

And, I have to ask, what's so great about this guy to begin with? Don't you think you can do better?

 

Of course I think I deserve better, because I can give a man much more than just sex - care and love and interesting time spending. I don't care if I would need to travel long distances for that or to pay a lot of money for something. As long as he's faithful to me and happy with me. But I'm asking this question, because this guy and me made love and he finished inside me 2 days ago. I even didn't washed after all. So I MIGHT be pregnant. We didn't protected ourselves and now we're protecting but he's still talking how he cannot stop thinking again to repeat that thing. That's why I asked this question like: how possible is to have something serious with him. Now I totally don't know how I would communicate with him if I am positive and if he freaks out. It's too early to make preg.test. but what I'm sure about is that the child isn't guilty for anything what we did.

[Theniceone]

But I'm asking this question, because this guy and me made love and he finished inside me 2 days ago. I even didn't washed after all. So I MIGHT be pregnant. We didn't protected ourselves and now we're protecting but he's still talking how he cannot stop thinking again to repeat that thing. That's why I asked this question like: how possible is to have something serious with him.

 

Wow! PrettyGood, I know it is difficult but I think you should remain single for a while. Please refer to your own post about maturing emotionnally. I really do not understand your justification above (i.e why you asked him if there was any chance you two could be a couple).

 

You are already jumping to the conclusion that you might be pregnant and how you are going to tell him. Like last time. Please note that washing after or not does not make a difference in getting pregnant or not. Also you seem to imply that you want to let him do it again without protection??? You should stay away as I see you are trying to get yourself pregnant as a desperate attempt to hold on to this man.

[browneyedgirl36]

You still haven't really answered my question. Well, you sort of did -- you say "of course" you think you deserve better, but your actions aren't showing this at all, and this is confusing. I'm not trying to be hard on you, just trying to understand why you're wasting your time on this guy. If you really thought you deserved better, you'd act on it and try to find someone who CAN care about you. This guy has told you flat out he doesn't want a relationship. Continuing to sleep with him and trying to be what you think he wants in a girlfriend is not going to change that. Asking him if there's any way you *can* be together in the future is just boosting his ego and giving him more power over you -- putting him on a pedestal that he in no way deserves to be on.

 

You want to know how possible it is to have something "serious" with this guy, and I'm going to be honest and say it's not likely, based on what you've written about him -- not likely at ALL. He's been pretty clear about how he feels about having anything serious --with you or with anyone -- and to keep denying the truth to yourself and sleeping with him (especially unprotected -- yikes!) is going to result in heartbreak for you.

 

It's possible, I suppose, that you are pregnant. I really hope you aren't, though. This guy doesn't sound in any way capable of committing to anything -- not a relationship, and certainly not a child. You need to wait to have a baby until you find someone who wants a committed relationship and can be a good father.

 

And, again, you keep mentioning pregnancy, but what about diseases? This guy clearly sleeps with a lot of women, and if he's willing to not use protection with you, than chances are he hasn't used it with others, either. You really should get tested.

[browneyedgirl36]

Wow! PrettyGood, I know it is difficult but I think you should remain single for a while. Please refer to your own post about maturing emotionnally. I really do not understand your justification above (i.e why you asked him if there was any chance you two could be a couple).

 

You are already jumping to the conclusion that you might be pregnant and how you are going to tell him. Like last time. Please note that washing after or not does not make a difference in getting pregnant or not. Also you seem to imply that you want to let him do it again without protection??? You should stay away as I see you are trying to get yourself pregnant as a desperate attempt to hold on to this man.

 

Yes, the thing about "not washing" after sex concerns me. That won't prevent pregnancy, nor will it prevent STD's.

[PrettyGood]

Ok, now I'm abroad with him for a while. We live separately though, so when I'm back home, I will go straight to the doctor. By the way, I've counted the day when it's time to make a preg.test. So I'll be still abroad with him and if it's positive I will try to talk to him as gentle as possible not to make him freak out and not to demand something to make him run. If I'm not, then omg - screw him forever! I think you're all right, it's just me who sometimes can't think logically, just emotionally and it brings no good or happiness to me. Thank you for understanding and keeping your fingers crossed for my better personal life.

[tresqua]

Thank you for understanding and keeping your fingers crossed for my better personal life.

 

Keeping your legs crossed will do more for your personal life than anyone else keeping their fingers crossed.

[DeviousOne]

This is simple and the harsh truth of the situation... He likes you enjoys having sex with you feels no need to have a relationship with you because he thinks he can do better and committing to you would mean he wouldnt have his options open so he'd just rather keep things like they are if you stay or go it doesnt matter cause hes currently OPEN for anyone thats going to make him work for it to come in and get him to commit

[MisfitPrincess]

No, he sounds like a selfish clod who is just using women for sex and is emotionally stunted. The fact that he would say anything like that at all means he basically doesn't like women very much, sees them in a really negative way, but is willing to use them to satisfy his sexual needs.

 

This man has NOTHING to offer you and is indeed offering you nothing and making it very clear he will not do so in future. You really need to look elsewhere.

 

EXACTLY my thoughts as well. You should run away from this guy as fast as you can, instead of begging him for the chance to date him.

[lavenderdove]

>>I even didn't washed after all.

 

btw, just to be clear, washing after sex has no impact whatsoever on whether you get pregnant or not (i.e., it is not a form of birth control). You need to start using condoms that have spermicide in them every single time if you don't want to get pregnant, even if he complains about wearing them. This man is not a good prospect for a father. Also keep in mind that some men like to see themselves as 'studs' who father children with a bunch of women, but they don't really take responsibility for any of them.