Why, Why, Why???

[Luigi68]

for full background see previous posts, but will bullet below

 

-GF gets together with my best mate and she says only been happening for 3 weeks before I discovered him at her house. I had suspicions that he was sniffing around for 6 months but no sign she was responding.

-having been through so much together, i supported her through domestic violence, hospitalisation, safe housing and the subsequent suicide of her ex husband and then the support of her 2 kids for 3 years (now aged 15 and 14, female and male).

-she moved so called best mate into her house within 2 weeks and this effectively tool my 'family' time away (I have 2 daughters and we had struggled to integrate the wider family)

-so called best mate had used everything i had told him about my feelings to worm his way in and it worked.

-I have still managed a friends relationship with ex, probably because we have been througn so much together.

 

Just been on holiday and 3 days in got a text saying that he had asked her to marry him and they had got engaged!

 

Hit me like a punch from Tyson -

 

Why did he choose to do it on the first day I away? An elaborate game to hurt me further or am I paranoid?

 

Why did she text to tell me when she knew I needed the time away to try heal with my daughters (she claims in text not to have wanted me to find out from anyone else)?

 

Why did I find out from an ex-mate of hers that she had slept with him(only slept she says not sex) 6 months earlier yet still continue to holiday with me, plan and book further holidays with me and her kids etc?

 

Why did she text me only the night before he proposed saying 'To tell you the truth I miss you like mad X'

 

 

Anyway, the remaining days of my holiday gave me chance to think a bit clearer. I did not reply to her text in any way and will wait for her to contact me as she will and as she has been doing since she did the dirty.

 

I intend, when we get chance to speak face to face to tell her I need her to stop contacting me for the time being, I will contact her when the time is right which could be a month, 6 months, a year or never. If we bump into one another then we chat as friends but no pre-arranged meets etc as they hurt me too much. She will maybe want me at the wedding, no chance, he deserves nothing from me and in reality neither does she although the bond we have is still strong despite her actions (knowing her as I do I kind of understand but she pushed too far).

 

I do not wish to see him, I met with him shortly after I discovered what he was doing and told him what I thought - that was before the pieces began falling inot place and I realised that he had been working on this for months behind my back - I now feel I would do something I may regret as he angers me greatly - I am better than that though aren't I?

 

So the advice of this forum is right, NC is the only way in these situations - I intend to pursue this and she can get on with what she doing - I, as do her closest friends and family think she has jumped in with the new guy far too quickly which gives me comfort that it is not just my bitterness but she has top make her own mistakes. Again, staying friends only endorses the new relationship - ENA advice correct again!!!

 

I just hope that when I see her I have the strength to carry it through as I know I need to

 

Would appreciate any thoughts/comments

[learning2relax]

OMG - unbelievable. I am so sorry. Nice to see that after you have been put through the ringer that you have your head on straight and are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself and your daughters. Stay the course. I am so very sorry.

[Luigi68]

Thanks, L2Relax, I intend to carry this through, have been through so much and avoided cracking that I know I am strong. I have never experienced so much mental turmoil before and will get through, Thanks again for your comments

[mactownman]

Terrible. It's always disheartening to see this type of situation. Both of these people have made a conscious decision that they knew would hurt you greatly. They have acted selfishly. You should not stick around... go NC immediately and forever.

 

I would not blame you if you dropped that guy the next time you see him. He deserves it.

[Luigi68]

I met with him and gave him a hard time at first but that was before I knew even half of the story, the fact he had gone back from a party that i attended with her and her kids and slept with her (purely slept according to her but whats the difference?). I have told her to keep him away from me, the feelings i have for him at the moment I would not only drop him but would seriously harm him and the one thing that bothers me is that once I started i wouldnt stop and my kids mean more to me than that - I still cannot guarantee I wont 'flip out' at some point I must admit!