UPDATE...saw the ex for the first time since Break up

[Rebecca81]

Hi All!

 

Just wanted to update everyone on the situation with Dan and I and to ask for further advice... RECAP: He broke up with me over some lies I had told (no cheating, etc), just lies about myself told because I was insecure...I will elaborate if you want, just ask

 

I saw him yesterday and it was a lot tougher than expected...We made plans to hang out so I met him at his parents' house (he spent the night there) and as I rang the bell, my hands became clenched. His mom answered the door and she was surprised to see me. We hugged and then she asked me take a seat. When Dan came down the stair, all my feelings resurfaced. I said, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

 

He said, sure, let's take a walk. We walked a couple of miles to a park and our conversation ranged from everything from small talk to the issues at hand. I informed him that before I came by I dropped off s2 poems I had written him and confessions and lessons learned since he broke up with me. He asked me to tell him about what I wrote. I admitted that the necklace i wore was from my ex, even though i had lied to him numerous times before that. I told him that my negative attitude has begun to change. I am in counseling and am learning to value myself. He said he is so proud of me. Then we talked about how he felt. He said that he feel so betrayed that I would lie to him, especially about something from an ex. He said the lies, and the others I told weren't trivial because he had asked me to come clean numerous times and I lied to his face. I made no excuses for my actions, I just explained that there was never an intention to hurt him, I was just insecure. We talked about the future and he said he can't close the door on me. I asked if he still loves me and he said of course, he can't turn off his feelings. He said that there is no one else, and he can't even consider dating. I told him it is so hard not being able to touch him and he grabbed my hand. I rolled into him and cried for a few minutes. He held me and rocked me and cried as well. He said, my heart wants to hold you all day, but my head can't trust you right now. I told him I didn't come here to beg for him back, i just don't think it's worth it to throw away our love. He said seeing me, smelling me and touching me mad him realize the feelings he still has for me.

 

I never realized how much I devastated him, and it hurts so bad to know I was responsib;e for this. As we walked back, he told me it took a lot of courage to fess up to the lies i told and to come out to his house like I did. He respects me and is happy that I am not lying. He said he'd like to see me again and he'll call me this week. As I was getting ready to leave, he pulled me in and kissed me. he said he wanted to make love to me so badly, but it just wouldn't be fair , it wouldn't make his decision easier. I told him I loved him as he touched my hair and kissed my neck and back. He said he loved me to and he needed to go before it got too hard. I told him I caouldn't go because it felt like the last time I would see him and he said it wouldn't be...He grabbed my hand and told me to have faith. He said he'd talk to me this week. I said I just want to hear you say you need time and everything will be ok. He said "I need time and I hope everything will be ok." Just let me call you.

 

Last night, around 9:30, he text messaged me and said "Thank u for the poems, they are so beautiful. You are a great writer." And that's the last I've heard. I'd like some opinions on this situation and some advice for me.

 

Love, Princess Becca

[Michael2]

You lied to him and caused him great pain.

 

You have realized what you have done and take full responsibility, good on you. He knows where you stand, how you feel. He is just very scared and is guarding his heart.

 

I warn you not to contact him or write him, you will push him into a corner, and we all know what happens after that. Let him realize what he needs, if he needs you then great, if not then you will find another.

 

My advice, advice I learned the HARD way. Move on, do not fester and wonder what he is doing. Get out have fun, do not waste your life on someone that doesnt want you. The longer you try to win him back and wonder what could have been , is increasing the chances that the ONE for you may have passed.

 

In the future, do not lie. Once you lie, trust is gone. Once it is gone, 99 percent of the time, it will never come back.