Blondiegirl Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 it's been awhile since i've posted broke up with the last guy and actually started going out with a friend of mine who I hadn't talked to in awhile and found him on Okcupid anyways we talked have been on several dates we definitely like each other but lately he has been acting odd. I didn't think much of it so I tried not to get overly paranoid. Just the other day he said I am so glad you came back into my life and after that he started acting weird. The messages don't come as often when I ask to go out he says I can't I am broke. I totally understand that! Money can be tight. Anyways... I happened to go on Plenty of Fish just to my cousin's profile and I happened to be looking around and guess who is on there?? My so-called boyfriend! I of course can't bring it up because it would make me think I am snopping around and he will accuse me of being jealous. FYI I saw when he was last online and it said today so obviously he is still using it.I don't know what happened he went from being a total sweetheart to a total jerk and acting like I am not important. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Uh, don't you think you might be overreacting possibly here? He could know people only from there, or he was checking messages. It doesn't always have to mean "HE'S A LYING JERK!" Link to comment
Blondiegirl Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 No that isn't true. This is the real kicker and I failed to mention this one my cousin messaged him saying nice profile would you like to go for a drink sometime?? He said sure i'd love that can I get your mobile number?? Now who is sneaking around?? BTW my cousin only did that for me to test him. Link to comment
lastcall23 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Listen, I know where your coming from. When people go from one extreme to another, more times then not they are up to something. I don't care what anyone says. Yes, granted, there are times people just get distant because they have things on there mind but when its constant and not letting up, there is something more going on 9 out of 10 times. I wouldn't confront him about the dating pages and things to that extent because he will get defensive you were spying and being sneaky and he WILL turn it around on you. My best advice is to sit him down and confront him about his drastic behaviour change towards you. If he won't sit down and talk things out with you (communication is the BIGGEST part of a relationship) then tell him thats fine but you can no longer stick around waiting for things to get better when he won't even tell you whats wrong or let you help him work through whatever it is thats going through his head. Link to comment
Mustachio Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I think part of the issue might be that you are equating several dates with an exclusive committed relationship. Have you talked about your status or exclusivity? I would venture a guess and say no. And if its something that bothers you, well thats what dating is for, learning about people so you can make decisions as to whether an actual relationship is something you want to pursue. Link to comment
lana111 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 how long have you been seeing him? have you had the talk that you are going to be exclusive? if so, then yes, this is inappropriate. if not, its just called dating... Link to comment
Blondiegirl Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 We never made the commitment however he did say I don't want an open relationship ( so ya that's confusing) and he said I couldn't sleep with other people. This is the confusing part.... On his dating profile it says looking for new mates because I am new to this area ( he moved from China few months ago and recently came back to the UK. He said in his profile what he is looking for and it says dating and yet on his intro it says looking for new mates. So confusing....... We have been dating for several weeks almost a full month. We were friends first and then started dating and like I said he was so sweet and caring and everything was going great but this past week he has done a total 180 and finding out he is sneaking around and having another profile doesn't make matters any better. I asked him point blank the other day what's wrong and he said nothing just depressed and I said allright can I help? He said no you know nothing about my life so you cannot help. Link to comment
JerkBrokeMe Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Just break up with him before you get more attached. It's his response to your cousin that does it, in my opinion. When people first start dating and they're not in love yet they might do crappy things that they wouldn't do once things got serious, but I wouldn't bother finding out if thats the case with him when you know for a fact that he's acting like this. Link to comment
Blondiegirl Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 You are probably right. It just hurts me because he said so many sweet things and said how much he loved me and then one day poof he started acting distant. I know I didn't do anything wrong but maybe something happened and he realized I am not the one. It's so confusing..... Link to comment
iBroken Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 He isnt your boyfriend if you are dating. Dating others is part of the "dating" game.... Link to comment
Blondiegirl Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 Explain this one....... On his Okcupid profile he is seeing someone ( me) on his POF file he is single and ready to mingle. I know we aren't exclusive but why say I don't want an open relationship and I don't want you to sleep around. Talk about making me dizzy! Link to comment
Mustachio Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 How do you know he just hasnt changed his status on there yet? Are you absolutely positive he is actively using it? You are running dangerously close to this all being a big game here. Why dont you just be honest, say you were looking through the site for fun, saw his profile, and were wondering why it still says he is single and looking? Again, you are dating right now, and thats that, if you want something more, you should tell him. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 How do you know he just hasnt changed his status on there yet? Are you absolutely positive he is actively using it? You are running dangerously close to this all being a big game here. Why dont you just be honest, say you were looking through the site for fun, saw his profile, and were wondering why it still says he is single and looking? Again, you are dating right now, and thats that, if you want something more, you should tell him. its not that hard to change your profile status headline etc on POF...also it shows if you were on that day and it also shows if your on the site and will continue to show until you click off the page.... caught my ex gf on POF looking for a new start a new relationship... Link to comment
Mustachio Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Ahh yea i missed that part. I was on PoF too, and I was on it after my relationship started mainly because I couldnt figure out how to cancel my account, so every now and then I would log on and try to figure it out. On the same token though, there could be any number of reasons why he was on there, and on the same token, why was the OP on there "just looking around"? My original point stands that this "relationship" if you can call it that is so early on that there is probably no way to know whats going on and that it sounds to me like they are just dating. So getting that worked up about something like this seems a little silly and possibly a moot point. That doesnt mean that its not a crappy situation, just seems like one that might be blown out of proportion based on their status and without knowing all the facts. Link to comment
Blondiegirl Posted August 9, 2011 Author Share Posted August 9, 2011 Yes I know what you mean. My friends say it is crummy because he says how much he cares about me and then hits on my cousin on her POF account ( just as a test) and he is all lovey dovey and then does this. I understand this is what dating is about but it still stings when he never even told you have to find out on your own. He told me the other day I appreciate you very much and you are special to me but I cannot promise you anything. Talk about mixed signals! BTW I was on there because I had his mobile and I saw on his contact list it said Rachel- POF and it got me wondering maybe it was old or maybe he used it way back when so my cousin went online and said yep he's on here so she messaged him just as a test and he messaged her back saying we should meet up to see if we click. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 ouch blondie. You need to get away from this guy. Don't be a doormat, you DON'T deserve this =( Link to comment
tresqua Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 I'm not seeing deception and I'm not seeing mixed signals. I'm seeing a girl who expects too much from a guy she's been casually dating for less than a month. Nothing more. Link to comment
Blondiegirl Posted August 9, 2011 Author Share Posted August 9, 2011 True I really didn't think of that. He could easily be looking for mates ( friends) and not necessarily girlfriends. I mean his profile does saying looking for mates but then it says dating for what his intent is. I guess in the long run we are dating and he can do whatever he wants and if he wants mates that's cool too. I mean he could of easily been saying to my cousin let's see if we click as friends. Hard to say really and we are dating so he can do whatever he wants I guess still stings a little bit. Link to comment
tresqua Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 I wasn't excluding the possibility that he's looking for girlfriends either. You are casually dating with no promises of exclusivity. Lots of people multiple date, at times in my life in between exclusive committed relationships I've dated as many as 5 women at the same time and I don't see anything wrong with that until both parties declare some sort of commitment to one another and tell all the others "thanks but no thanks". As far as I can tell, that has not happened with you and this guy so there is no reason to be checking up on him and thinking that he's being deceptive or unfair to you in any way. Link to comment
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