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She can't express her feelings: How do I cope?


Keyman

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My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 months and have been living together for 4. I met her when I moved in and eventually convinced her that we would be good together. For the first 6 weeks we were very very close, the beginning of every relationship, loving committed wanting to be with each other and please each other. Two weeks ago that all seemd to come crashing down. She wanted more space and I was ready to let go of the honeymoon phase. I acted out a little (including blowing up with her once - my last post), which has caused a few doubts in her. This last week we've been good and I have been calm and fairly, but not completely, happy.

 

She is a very independent person and can be very selfish in her thinking. I am an independent person too, just not as extreme as she is. I try to work my free time and independent activities around the time we spend together. She tends to express the things she wants to do with her free time and independent activities, but doesn't express wanting to do stuff together unless I prompt her to. She tells me she thinks them, but just doesn't express them. My prompting is coming accross as needy.

 

We have things planned in the future, fun things next weekend, a hike next month, an overseas trip to see my family in November and another in January. She tells me she is looking forward to these things and I believe her. I love her and want to be with her and have this relationship work out well, but at some level I am not feeling loved. I want to feel like a priority in her thoughts. She doesn't have to spend every waking hour with me, or even much at all, but I want her to be excited about spending time with me. To want to cuddle and kiss me. To express her feelings and want me to know that she has been thinking of me, and even to tell me she loves me now and again. I know that none of this comes naturally to her, so it makes it feel even better when she does try.

 

I am making efforts to relax and accept who she is and how she does some things, but it depresses me a little and I end up pushing into more and more of my own activities. What else can I do? I want to be with her and make it work, so leaving her is not the option here. I still think we can work and work well, but I just want to feel good about us being together. Like it was meant to be. Help.

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Tell her that you want to take turns making dates with each other and then you go first. During the dates you both give each other your undivided attention and affection. See if that feels better. For your part when it's her turn you just have to wait it out.

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