More Thought Bubbles......

[elcie]

New journal....clean slate!!!!

 

To those of you who have been following my old journal.....it has been relegated, by my request, into the vacuum of time, space and sensory deprivation, otherwise known as the Private Journals forum.

 

It was a necessary burial, as I had just found out that my privacy could have been compromised.

 

Anyway, I'll continue my thought bubbles, but this time with a bit more circumspection. I promise to make it as interesting as possible!!!!

 

To all those who have commented on my previous journal, thank-you so much for your encouragement and feedback. If there's anything you wish to know that relates to my previous journal, feel free to PM me to avoid continuity confusion.

 

Thanks again, elcie

[Silverbirch]

Hi Elcie,

Looking forward to some more reading!

[elcie]

Thanks silver........

 

I'll first do a quick run-through of what I've already written about, with a couple of exclusions of course:

 

.........a wave of destructive cockatoos.....floods and fires.......the blight of cancer in my family......embarrassing moments.....ceiling crash.....car crash......european adventure....chocolate bilbies...bullying at school and work.......two fights....my father's death......moving out of home.....new job......flasher.....allergic reaction.....a work colleague falling six floors without serious injury......my cat losing her tail......sharing a unit with two others.....sharing a flat with Nina....my cousin's death in a horrific car crash....my sliding doors moment in which I almost meet my future husband.....our bad, bantam-killing neighbor......and the adventures of Nina and I......

 

The adventure continues......

[elcie]

Nina's Adventures...The Jock

 

1983 again

 

Nina and Roy broke up so many times during my acquaintance with them that it's hard to remember when they were together and when they were apart. During this particular adventure, though, they were definitely on a break.

 

For a couple of weeks, Nina had been suffering with a serious crush on a new work colleague.

 

"Oh Elcie, he's just gorgeous! His name's Jack and he's got wavy blond hair and fantastic muscles, and every time he looks at me, I just melt!"

 

The attraction was mutual and very soon he visited our flat and I was introduced to him. I must say, I couldn't understand why she was so drawn to him. His eyes were dark and curiously dead; sort of like a shark's eyes. He seemed nice enough, though, and I was happy for Nina that she had met someone.

 

They went out a few times and then one night he stayed over. In the morning, I stayed in my room when I heard the sounds of breakfast being prepared, and only emerged when I heard the front door open.

 

The kitchen was empty. "Hmm," I thought, "Nina must have gone back to her room." I got my own breakfast and sat at the table, basking in the morning sunshine.

 

A short time afterwards Nina emerged from her room. She was still in her bathrobe and she shuffled slowly into the kitchen, hunched over and moaning quietly.

 

"Nina!, are you OK? What's wrong?" I quickly pulled out a chair for her to sit down.

 

"Twelve times!!", she whimpered, "He just wouldn't stop,.... I don't think he's done it for years,......I didn't get any sleep...I'm so sore!"

 

It was hard to keep my face straight, "But why didn't you just say you'd had enough?"

 

"Well, I sort of complained at the end there, but he didn't listen", she groaned.

 

They continued going out for a few months, and each time he stayed over it was the same story. The guy was insatiable, and Nina was not assertive enough to say, "Enough's enough!" In time, though, Jack was transferred to an interstate branch of the company and Nina was on her own again. Every time he visited head office, though, he would get back with Nina and, whether she was with Roy or not, she was always just putty in Jack's hands.

 

When I asked her once who she would choose over the other, she replied, "Roy is the only man who can give me an orgasm with just straight sex, and yet when I see Jack, I just melt inside....and yet the sex is quantity over quality...it's not that good....I really don't know who I would choose!"

 

Years later, I received a letter from Nina, who had returned to Christchurch in New Zealand, married and had two children. "You'll never guess who I met at a friends barbeque the other day", she wrote, " I saw Jack! Oh, my God, Elcie, I still have feelings for him....I don't know what to do!"

 

I shook my head as I read her letter. "Oh, Nina, when will you ever learn!"......

[Silverbirch]

OMG!!!!!!! Hey Elcie, I don't remember the sliding doors unfortunately. Is it possible to repost it or maybe not?

[elcie]

Just for you, silver.....a repost of my sliding doors moment.......

 

The Interview.....

 

A few weeks after the confrontation with Cindy a job advertisement turned up in the Situations Vacant section of a major newspaper;

 

GRAPHIC ARTIST/ILLUSTRATOR

 

Wanted for SE suburbs manufacturer

of greeting cards, wraps and games.

Suitable qualifications and experience required.

Written applications to be sent to:

Jeanne M., (address supplied)

 

This looked very interesting. There wasn't a lot of illustration required where I was working at the moment and it was something I enjoyed doing.

 

I sent off my application, dusted off my portfolio and looked critically at it's contents. Hmmm!, not enough that would be relevant for illustrating greeting cards. Out came the watercolors, rotring pens and illustration board. Around a week and five illustrations later, I felt better prepared.

 

I was at my desk at work when Graeme, the senior artist, told me that I had a phone call. I picked up the receiver in anticipation;

 

"Hello, this is Jeanne M from "Greetings" I've received your application and would like to arrange an appointment to see your folio."

 

My spirits lifting, I made the appointment and returned to my desk.

 

A few days later, I found myself in front of a medium-sized single-storey office building fronting a large factory. Not as glamorous as where I was working at the moment, I realized.

 

I asked for Jeanne at the reception desk and soon a tall, energetic red-headed lady appeared and showed me to her office. We walked through the artists' studio to get there. It was just after working hours, so it was empty.

 

Jeanne was enthusiastic and effusive about my folio;

 

"Oh yes, this is exactly the sort of work we're looking for. You're very talented, you know. Have you ever considered selling your work?"

 

The compliments were food for my soul. I was still a bit shaken up by what Geoff had told me, so any positive feedback was gratefully received,...thank you very much!!

 

I left the interview thinking that I stood a very good chance of getting the job......

 

Note: Years later, my husband showed me what he'd written in his diary, the day I went for that interview. You see, although the artists' studio had been empty, Paul, one of the artists working at "Greetings", had, with a few others, waited at the back exit door to get a look at the artist who was going to be interviewed for the job.

 

His diary entry read; "Saw a girl coming in for her interview today. She looks very attractive...I hope she gets the job!"

 

I couldn't believe he'd seen me that day.

 

It would be a year before I would meet Paul, a very eventful year. You see.....I didn't get the job....

 

Talk about a "sliding doors" moment!

[elcie]

Still in 1983

 

You asked me, silver, what happened to Lance and me.

 

Guess what?....nothing happened!

 

There was a period of time when I would carefully avoid catching his eye on Friday nights. We hung out in different groups now-Jodie made sure of this- and though I sensed him looking at me sometimes I didn't look his way. I know Jodie was paranoid about my 'power' over Lance, but she needn't have worried; I wasn't going to fight for a man I had lost respect for. The way he had said 'Madam President' about Jodie, kept repeating in my head and changed the way I felt about him.

 

Anyway, during this particular moment in time, Nina decided that the Social Club should organize a night out. After a lot of research, she came up with The Red Rattler tour. An old-fashioned train, with interlinking carriages, would depart from Spencer Street station and travel for a couple of hours to a country town, where we would be served dinner. The return trip would include dancing in a specially designed carriage, complete with DJ. It sounded like fun and I was enthusiastic about it. Little did I know that this trip would change my life in a decidedly dramatic way..........

[elcie]

I just realized there's only four months to go before I head off on my cruise.

 

If I can, I want to lose 8 kilos. I'm doing enough exercise and I'm very happy about how motivated I am about going to the gym. My downfall is what I eat in-between meals. Why do I buy lollies and then why can't I stop at one or two? It's so annoying!!!! It's like I'm sabotaging myself. If I can be strong enough, it stops today! Throw out what I've got stashed away.....and, most importantly don't buy any more when I do my grocery shopping.

 

I've written it down....so I've got to do it now! No more excuses!

[elcie]

The Red Rattler..........

 

1983.....

 

Memory is a funny thing.

 

The night a group of us went on the Red Rattler tour, is a strange mixture of complete blanks and strong, life-time remembered images.

 

I can remember some of the group meeting up at our Brunswick flat. I was wearing a shiny purple and black dress with a white lace Princess Di collar; (It was the Eighties, remember, not the most tasteful decade!) I remember smoothing my hands over the tight bodice and smiling at my reflection. I had lost some weight and gained some confidence.

 

I can remember our group walking quickly along the station platform, anxious not to miss the train.

 

I don't remember the dinner at the country town. It's a complete blank!

 

On the return trip, snacks and drinks were being served, and the different groups were starting to mingle and visit different compartments.

 

The train carriages were a bit like the Hogwart's Express in the Harry Potter movies; a long side corridor running along a row of separate compartments.

 

At some stage there was only three of us left in our compartment, so I decided to look for Nina and see what she was up to. Further along I opened a compartment door. There was Nina sitting between two good-looking men........ who both looked up at me as I opened the door......and GASPED!!!!.....both of them!!!!!

 

(I'm making the most of this moment in time....in fact, I'm SAVOURING the moment! Things like that just never happened to me, and I'll never forget it, despite what happened afterwards!)

 

One of the men jumped up, "Would you like to dance with me?" The other man jumped up as well, "No, would you like to dance with me?" Nina looked annoyed. She grabbed the second man's hand and said, "But you asked me to dance with you!" He grinned down at her in embarrassment.

 

The first man introduced himself as we all walked towards the 'disco' carriage. "I'm Jeremy, and the unlucky guy behind me is Jonathan"

 

Very soon we were all dancing. I couldn't help but notice that Jonathon was the better dancer of the two men. "Rats!", I thought, "I've got the clumsy one." Nina was an indifferent dancer at best, and I can remember Jonathon looking over to me, clearly wishing he was dancing with me.

 

After the dancing, Jeremy and I sat down together and we started to find out about each other. Soon, Jonathan's dance moves were forgotten as I started to become bowled-over with Jeremy's interest in me. Very soon he had asked me out on a date and I had happily agreed.

 

Much, much later, as Nina and I sat in a taxi, homeward bound, we compared notes. Jonathon had asked Nina out as well, and she had agreed, but she wasn't that enthusiastic about it.

 

"To tell you the truth, Elcie, I'm sort of more attracted to Jeremy"

 

I giggled a bit, "That's funny!....'cause I'm sort of more attracted to Jonathon." We half-seriously contemplated contacting the guys and suggesting a swapsies but agreed that they might not see the humor of the situation.

 

"We'll just have to take it one day at a time", Nina decided.

[Silverbirch]

Hi Elcie,

I feel such a ditz. I hadn't noticed that you posted the Sliding Doors story or the other postings until just now. So sorry. Oooo, I liked it! Yeah, Lance did sound a bit wormy after that.

 

Listen, you don't need to lose any weight at all. You are already slim Madam! So, I think what you need is to go to Brunettis or some other equally wonderful place some time in the next few weeks. I was thinking, I will just drive in and find a carpark with any luck. Last time I brought my car in, I got a parking ticket. My fault for being a dumb dumb.

[elcie]

I'm there!!! It would be great if it could be a day like today.....just imagine what sitting outside would be like.....a taste of Spring!!!!

 

Slim!!!! That's such a lovely word isn't it!!!! You've made my day!....

[Silverbirch]

Okay Elc,

The weather is getting better and better so one day within the next 3 weeks huh?

[elcie]

Definitely! I'll email you so that we can arrange the best day.......

[Silverbirch]

I can hardly wait. My mouth is almost melting in anticipation!

[elcie]

If the food tastes as good as it looks in the pics, then we wont be disappointed. I'm also looking forward to going to Lygon Street. I cant remember how long it's been since my last visit, so I don't know if it's changed much.

[elcie]

Two men.........

 

1983.....

 

It's been hard to know how to approach writing about Jeremy and Jonathon. Looking back, I realize that I learned some incredible life lessons, but at the same time I understand that I was bound for grief.

 

You see, all the time I was trying to find my soulmate, I wasn't being true to myself. I always felt isolated, and excluded. I felt different, I thought differently. In social gatherings, I was always watching what I was saying in case I came out with something so out of the box, that I thought I might be ostracized.

 

So I put on this act of what I thought would be acceptable. I behaved myself. But, oh how much I secretly wanted to meet someone I could be myself with.

 

And in Jeremy and Jonathon, those two warring desires were personified.

 

With Jeremy, I became the person I thought I should be.

 

With Jonathon, I became myself and let myself go, which was why I found it so hard to let him go.

[elcie]

It's my daughter Lauren's 22nd birthday today! Sadly, the family has to wait until Thursday night before we can celebrate it together.

 

Tonight she is celebrating with her boyfriend and friends in a city nightclub. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights, she's working as a gaming attendant and Wednesday night, she's staying at her boyfriend's house again.

 

She may still be living at home, but my fledgling really is leaving the nest.

 

Happy Birthday, Lauren. I'm so proud of you, and I love you, xxoo

 

PS. I suppose at 22 she's too old to be a fledgling, but as a mother, I'll always feel the need to protect her.

[Silverbirch]

Hi Elcie,

Funny how when they are grown up, for me anyway, my son's birthday makes me feel a bit emotional. Think it's like you say - each one is a reminder that they are flying further away from the nest.

[elcie]

Census night tonight!......Big Brother is watching us.......and we're SO boringly normal!!!....Ha! On paper that is.....if there is such a thing!

[Silverbirch]

I still have to fill out my form. Hopefully get it done today.

[elcie]

A bit of a freak-out moment yesterday..........

 

I was just loading my grocery shopping into the boot of the car. I have a bit of a system going in which I put the heavy bags in the middle and the lighter bags to the side so they wont be squashed. I'd just placed a lighter bag in when I became aware of a bit of movement near my hand. I drew my hand back and leaned forward for a better look.....a flash of red warned me....

 

There she sat, in all her glorious red and black majesty, in the middle of her untidy web......a red-back spider. An instinctive, gut-felt shiver of fear....and then I'm looking for something to squash her with......good, a handy green re-cycling bag.....WHAM!.......the queen is dead! I feel a bit guilty of lese-majesty, but I'm not having HER hanging around.

 

I told my sisters about the encounter today and apparently there's a lot of red-backs around at the moment, so I think I'll be cleaning up the garage and surface spraying the car to prevent any more close calls.

 

The red-back spider is venomous, has been fatal in the past, and the bite is extremely painful. It's similar to the Black-widow spider in America. It's very common here, but at least we don't have to worry about the Sydney Funnel-web spider....(shiver)

[petite]

I'm terrified of them - thankfully in all my years I've only seen them whilst in NT couple months ago. My mother was bitten by a white-tail spider couple years ago - thankfully not deadly but it was swollen, itchy, very red and she felt nauseous.

[elcie]

Hi petite,

 

We have a problem with white-tail spiders as well, but they were worse a couple of years ago....not so many now, thank goodness!

 

Just after I wrote my post I had a good look in the garage and noticed quite a few suspicious looking spiders' webs. So I will be cleaning up the garage tomorrow with my extra thick gardening gloves on!!!!

[Silverbirch]

Hi Elcie,

I found an amazing amount of them in the yard early this year. They were underneath empty pot plants. I went to Bunnings and got some very effective spray.

 

Anyway, before I even got a chance to spray, I got what I thought were infected mosquito bites on my legs. One of them, behind my knee got this huge hard area around it, and they were so itchy and sore. A few days later, I went to doctor, and she said straight away that they were spider bites. I obviously wasn't aware of being biten by spiders at the time, but as I spent a lot of time outdoors, get bitten by mozzies and the occasional March fly. She said I had 4 spider bites, and I ended up having to take Cortisone for the swelling. I then sprayed around the house, especially outside my living area, and sure enough, I found masses of white tail spiders and their nests. Then a couple of weeks later, my immunity must have been way down, and I got a bad flu and just feeling dizzy and weak. That took about a week to get over.

 

Regarding bites, more so for mozzies, I looked into it, and the best thing to get is called something like "Bushman's". It is recommended for use for hikers on the Kododa Trail in the jungle, and it isn't too expensive.

[elcie]

Well.......my daughter and her boyfriend had a fight yesterday and John later texted that he wanted a break. Then he turned his phone off while Lauren made desperate, futile calls to him. He finally texted saying that they should have a talk later that day (last night)

 

A devastated daughter sat next to me after the hour long phone call and explained the situation to me. Lauren had thought that they had been getting closer lately, but it had all been a pretense with John. He said that he had been feeling like he was 'obliged' to see her rather than looking forward to it.

 

This has been a running theme with John throughout their on/off relationship. He seems to blow hot and cold.

 

The phone conversation ended with John's suggestion that they 'sleep on it' and write emails to each other the next day (today)

 

I just looked at her. "What are you going to do?", I asked.

 

She shook her head, "I don't know"

 

"Do you think another break would work?" She shook her head

 

"Would you be able to trust his feelings for you again?" She shook her head

 

"Then what are you going to say in your email?"

 

She was a bit calmer as the repercussions of their conversation sunk in.

 

"I have to break up with him.......and the funny thing is I think that's what he wants. He doesn't want to be the 'bad' guy and he wants me to do it. I mean he basically said that he doesn't love me any more, that he's been living a lie and then he suggests a break?? That's an impossible situation to be in."

 

I agreed with her and tried to make her see that she was in a better situation than the last time they broke up. She's more independent, has more of her own friends, a good job, a car and plans to go overseas with a friend. Plenty of things to look forward to.

 

I'm dreading the coming days and months of supporting my emotional daughter but in the long run I think this break-up will be for the best. At least there isn't another girl involved like last time, (Lauren is positive about this), and her freedom will mean that it will be possible to meet someone who is not so immature and unpredictable.

 

She deserves someone who will love her and look forward to seeing her instead of seeing her as an 'obligation'