An Old Flame

[Lonewulv13]

I met this girl about a year ago, through a friend. Unlike any girl I've ever met... But I guess that's how it always goes.

 

At first, she was kind of shy when we hung out, but eventually warmed up. Me and a couple friends would get together once almost every week. After being with her more, I started to become quite attracted to her, though the bond wasn't quite mutual (though some people disagreed). Deep emotions, such as love, are quite hard for her to express. I believe (and so does she) that it's mostly due to the fact that she was neglected most of her life, and didn't receive the type of affection most people would receive. She wasn't abused, her parents just weren't very hands on, or expressive. She says she doesn't think her father ever hugged her.... So obviously, all this brings up a lot of issues. Though, we have really deep conversations. Never talked to anyone like I have with her...

 

One day, I get a call. It's from her, and she needs help. She asks if I can pick her up from the airport, as she just got back from visiting family. I picked her up, and on the way back to my car, she started crying. She's a very strong person, and very rarely let's things get to her. I hugged her close. Long story short, her mother said she wasn't aloud to come back home ( for a ridiculous reason, mostly the fault of her mother. She's quite a poor excuse for one....). So she stayed at my place for about a week. That's when we became quite close, and the attraction was becoming mutual. Though, there were complications. Obviously she couldn't stay with me forever, so she had to move back with her father down south. After a while, she even brought up the idea of dating, but would always bring up the fact that she would be moving soon. I should mention that, even though she stayed at my place, we never became sexual. Not even a kiss.

 

 

As the time for her to leave approached, things became dodgy. Not to mention they kind of were already between me and her, as I was a bit more of a goof, which kind of annoyed her. Until the night where I got excessively drunk with her and some friends, and made a complete fool of myself... She emailed me later, saying she wasn't really attracted to me, and basically didn't want anything to become more serious between us. Though I was hurt, I kind of had it coming, and I agreed. We didn't see much of each other leading up to her departure. We spoke a lot online while she was away. Had great conversations, even felt like there was a deeper bond again... Though I blew that too. I kept pressing her about something. Nothing related to us or a relationship. She became angry with me, and didn't want to speak to me anymore...

 

About five months went by, and we never spoke. I did my best to forget about her, but there's something I just can't let go. She returned to visit, a couple weeks ago, and is here for the summer. On her second night back, a mutual friend brought her to my place. We hugged, and were happy to see each other. At one point that night, we were alone, and she said "we need to talk". I figured it would come up, but we didn't get a chance to talk until a few days later. I picked her up to go to our friends place. We talked about a lot of things. Mostly how things were at her dads. Then I brought up the fact that we "needed to talk". I went on about how I know I was immature before, and how I brought up things I shouldn't have. I told her I was sorry. She was surprised... She said " That's not what I thought you were going to say". This wasn't even what she ment by "needing to talk". She said that she felt bad, for pushing me away. She knew I cared a lot about her, and that SHE was the one who was sorry. She said I had nothing to appologize for. I was very surprised, and had not expected that from her at all.

 

Later that night, I drove her home. It was late, and she was nervous about going home and waking her mother up, so she asked if we could sit in my car and just talk. We talked for hours. About everything, anything. We have similar views towards a lot of things, and never run out of things to talk about. Eventually the topic became quite deep. I told her she was very important. She said no one ever told her she was important. She said she felt something. She couldn't find the words for it, but I think we both knew, as we both were feeling it. I'm falling in love with her. I think I have for a while, before she even left. So many things are telling me that she's feeling the same, but it's hard for me to believe. I always worry about her, and she asks why, and though she's very independent I can tell she admires the fact that I do. She said shes never opened up to anyone else like she has with me, and that she has never let anyone "push past her boundaries" like I have. Never let anyone get this close.

 

I just don't know what to think. Two weeks ago, I wouldn't have believed I'd ever hear this from her. She keeps her heart locked away so tightly. She's very selfless, always helping and giving to others, but rarely ever let's herself become attached. I'm just at a loss...

 

I guess I just need help figuring out where to go from here, and whether or not it's just me getting my hopes up... Any advice would be greatly appreciated

 

Thanks for reading

[Eocsor]

Well, she definitely has issues. I guess the question is, do you like her enough to risk getting hurt? Loves a crap shoot at the best of times. There are no garuntees of happiness. If you really think you care for her, you'll just have to take a chance. It might work out, it might be a total disaster. Like they say: "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"

[Lonewulv13]

I care a lot about her, and I am ready to take the chance. It couldn't be worse than doing nothing and never know the truth... I'm just not sure how to approach her about it. I suppose that night in the car would have been a better time than any. I just don't know if I'll have that chance before she leaves again...