Mustang Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Broke up with my ex and moved out last Sunday after she said some really nasty things.She says she still loves me and hates how we've broken up (which I don't think she really means). Anyway, I know that I need to change and I know that I can. All the reasons we broke up are fixable in my mind.Since I moved out, we've shared a few texts and Facebook messages. She's been quite off and aloof and it drives me insane. I KNOW that I should leave it and move on but I can't. She's my best friend and I'm completely lost without her. I wanted to marry her and she wanted to marry me. Our break up seems such a waste.How do I stop contacting her when I miss her so much? I have tried but can't. Link to comment
Mustang Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 I'm on an iPhone. For some reason, it doesn't let me add new paragraphs. Apologies. Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Have you told her you want to come back home? If so, what did she say? Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Have you told her you want to come back home? If so, what did she say? Yeah, have you tried having an actual conversation with her about this? It sounds like you two need to talk and NOT via text or facebook messages. Link to comment
Mustang Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 I have tried to meet up with her to chat about things and she initially agreed but then backed off and started acting aloof. I called her out on it and she said "what do you mean? I told you that I'm here for you. x" then she's been aloof again. I want to work things out but she's clearly not interested and just saying what she thinks she has to say. I've told her that I give up as she's made her point clear. I said if she changes her heart (she won't) to call me but if not, I wished her all the best.I'm so hurt and can't believe she wanted things to be like this but clearly her mind and heart lies somewhere else/with someone else. Got to just quit and walk away. Must resist contacting her now. Gonna be tough! I need support. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 It has not even been a week! You can work on trying to fix things once you actually give her some space. Also, you can't grow if all your focus is on trying to talk to her. Get established in your new pad. Do the mundane things like cleaning and making lunch for yourself. Reconnect with buddies you hadn't seen as much in the past while. When you feel you have actually made those changes and something has changed inside, it will be apparent to everyone. You may both be at that space where if you ran into eachother, things wouldn't be emotionally charged and things would have a chance OR you will have outgrown her and eventually find someone new. But if you chase her now and she reluctantly takes you back, you will remind her why you broke up in the first place. You will repeat all the same mistakes. Right now, you are chasing her and pressuring her to meet and she knows the meeting will be emotionally charged so she wants to avoid it like the plague. I DO NOT BLAME HER. It is emotional for her too and she, like you, needs time to both decompress and refigure things now that she lives alone. Link to comment
Meriem Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I don't think it's love that makes you contact, it's more denial and addiction.. So don't think that the more you feel like contacting her that means you must love her so so much Link to comment
Mustang Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Actually, abitbroken, what you say is right. She's just said some strange things that contradict the situation and I want to fight for her. I agree the best thing is to leave it and let her come to me if she ever wants to - can't see it though. Here's someone who essentially threw me out on the street so she could be single. Link to comment
DaveCummings Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Mustang, Man that's rough. Can't tell you how many time's I've heard a girl say "I just want to enjoy being single for a while." and then proceed to date someone else long term a week later. This has happened I think 5 times to me and that's just gfs, not girls I was just casually seeing who did something similar. I honestly don't think women give men enough credit because this sort of thing happens more often than is admitted and somehow the fault gets placed on the guy like maybe if he was worth it, she wouldn't have felt the need to kick him out. I'm telling you, girls these days just really irritate me. Entitled brats for the most part and not one yet has shown me otherwise. This isn't to say all are like this, but I am saying that I have yet to encounter one who hasn't shown me this about her. Almost every girl that was close to me cheated and lied to me. Man it's actually posts like these that reinforce the fact that one should always be on top of their game and forget insignificant women like this who think they can walk all over men to fulfill their selfish desires. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 its a tough road man trust me i was theere when the break up first happened. but my ex was mean to me. it took me a month to finally lose contact with her which i was the one to start the no contact. at the end u find out its for the best because the longer you wait the more it hurts Link to comment
Mustang Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Dave, she didn't actually say those words to me but that's what her actions suggest. There's just no way that someone can just suddenly break up with someone and have no desire to speak to them again. Unless they've got a distraction. She said the other that she "really does love me" but "doesn't know who she is anymore" and needs to find herself. Which is either true, or guilt easing bulls***. My gut tells me that there's someone else but she's telling me one thing and acting out another. Seriously confusing. And as I say, the reasons why we broke up were completely repairable. I have regrets yes but I think the way she has acted in the month leading up to our break up makes all that irrelevant. She has done a million things worse than the things I ever did that she claims caused the break up. She hasn't responded to my text about how I really feel about the situation and that says it all really. She claims she's "here for me" but actions speak louder than words. It's just such a shame that all the happy memories are overshadowed by the last time I saw her (she was drunk, abusive and offensive). It upsets me that someone I was going to marry is now associated with such a horrible memory. I've told my ex this and she doesn't care one bit. I'm keeping my phone turned off while I'm at work so I'm not tempted to check it and I'll try and do that over the weekend too. Link to comment
Mustang Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Just to add to this, she still has the majority of my possessions. I packed all I could into a camping rucksack as I had to leave in a hurry (not what I wanted but agreed to it out of respect). I've literally got a few clothes and toiletries. Nothing else. She's got my guitar, DVDs, laptop, etc and perhaps most upsettingly, the furniture that my mum bought for us both before going into hospital for very very serious treatment (which she is still going through and is on a race against time). At the moment, I have nowhere to put it all so I asked her when I left if she could keep hold of everything until I sort something out somewhere permanent to live. It is strange that she's ignoring me and hoping I'll go away when she's still got loads of my things. Surely if she never wanted to see me again, she'd have made some sort of effort to get rid of everything so she hasn't got to live with all my stuff under her nose. The stupid thing is, we've 'broken up' in the past and we've always made up. Part of me thinks/hopes that this is just another one of those times. Foolish as that may sound. I know that's not the case. She'd not be ignoring me if there were any feelings of remorse. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 And as I say, the reasons why we broke up were completely repairable. I have regrets yes but I think the way she has acted in the month leading up to our break up makes all that irrelevant. She has done a million things worse than the things I ever did that she claims caused the break up. Sadly, it doesn't matter how objectively repairable problems are. If one person doesn't want to fix them, it's over (at least for now). You can't really get in her head, all you can do is NC until she is ready to talk to you. Link to comment
Mustang Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Sadly, it doesn't matter how objectively repairable problems are. If one person doesn't want to fix them, it's over (at least for now). You can't really get in her head, all you can do is NC until she is ready to talk to you. Yeah, I know. As frustrating as it is. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Yeah, I know. As frustrating as it is. Hang in there! Link to comment
Mustang Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 I know I'm being ridiculous but I can't handle how on Sunday night after I moved out, she sent me lots of texts saying how she hated that all this has happened and that she still really loves me. When she found out that I was sleeping on the office floor, she was very upset and said she felt awful about the situation and that she never wanted it. I suggested at the time that we maybe meet up next week to talk about everything. She agreed. Ever since then though, she's been aloof and distant and is simply outright ignoring me now. When she was drunk last weekend she told me she was going on a date this week and had been sleeping around. When sober, she denied everything and said she was only trying to hurt me. However, she has been very distant with me ever since Tuesday which makes me think that she really was going on a date. That kills me. It was like she was regretting her decision a little bit but after going a date, she's decided she wants nothing more to do with me. As I say, I told her last night that I have tried to resolve things as I hate ending on such bad terms and having last weekend as my last memory of her. Especially when I know that we could be great again. I told her to call me if she has a change of heart but if not, I wished her all the best. I didn't do it for a reaction by any means but at the same time I'm upset and hurt that she hasn't responded. On Sunday she seemed genuinely upset and slightly regretful about everything where as now she doesn't seem to care about anything and has ignored me hoping that I'll go away. I'm so confused by it all. It hurts me more than anything that she doesn't miss me. Link to comment
wicked6018 Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 delete her on facebook or delete your facebook. delete her number from your phone. then, you CAN'T contact her. unless you have the number memorized. understand that contacting her will hurt you more in the long run. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 People say things out of hurt and anger that don't make sense and they tend to regret later. Try not to over analyze it. Just understand it is how she is reacting to where she is at and focus in on yourself. You need to take care of yourself right now. Repeatedly contacting her only hurts you more and keeps you from providing the care to yourself that you need when in this situation. One step at a time and you will get there.....I speak from having this very experience. Hang in there... Link to comment
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