Is it ever ok to ask a girl out with a text?

[keith515]

This is a girl I see practically every day at work. We've been working together for the past year and a half. The last 6-8 months is when we started bonding.

 

I believe she already knows I have a crush on her because of her friends telling her and my interaction. I've never called her outside of work and only texted her once after work. I'd imagined that she would have been shocked by the fact I called.

[tresqua]

I'd imagined that she would have been shocked by the fact I called.

 

You are totally overthinking this. She wouldn't be "shocked", she might be a bit surprised, but if she's into you, so what? Never, EVER make a call if you aren't prepared to leave a message. That message could have been as simple as "Hey it's Keith, I was wondering if you'd like to do something this Friday after work, maybe grab dinner, it's on me".

 

Tell me you aren't capable of doing that much? Who cares if you sound a bit nervous. It's infinitely better than just hanging up.

 

 

Maybe she doesn't want to be with a guy who just hangs up because he can't leave a message.

[keith515]

In my experiences, if I left a message and they didn't call me back, that would be it for me. I would interpret it as they are not interested which was probably correct. But that wouldn't necessarily mean 100% that they are not interested, just 90%.

 

Also, in this case I work with her and sometimes it's unavoidable for us to not communicate with her. I would probably act awkward and uncomfortable knowing that she knows I called and didn't call me back. Like I said before, it would be a huge matza ball hanging. So, I'm glad I didn't leave a message.

[Ariel85]

You won't find many people telling you that hanging up without leaving a message was the right thing to do. Because it wasn't.

 

But, if you're happy and this is the kind of form you want to go to the game with, then excellent.

 

Maybe she'll hang up on you next.

[Ariel85]

P.S. You do have a huge matza ball hanging - lol, btw. She knows you called, and that you hung up on her.

 

What do you expect to happen at this point? I'm genuinely perplexed that you feel good about this, when I think what you did was actually worse than leaving a message and not hearing back.

[tresqua]

P.S. You do have a huge matza ball hanging - lol, btw. She knows you called, and that you hung up on her.

 

What do you expect to happen at this point? I'm genuinely perplexed that you feel good about this, when I think what you did was actually worse than leaving a message and not hearing back.

 

 

I was thinking the same thing. He's worried about leaving a message because then he'll be waiting for her to get back to him, in this case he called and didn't even leave a message and he's waiting to see if she'll get back to him. At least if he left a message he would know that he tried, now he's gotta wonder if the hangup cost him the opportunity with her, and if she doesnt call him back he'll never get an answer.

 

I will repeat. Texting a first date invite is the height of lameness. Always be prepared to leave a message in "first call" situations such as this one. It's OK if there's a bit of nervousness in your voice, in fact it could even work for you rather than against you if it's not all that bad, but even in a worst case "nerves" scenario, any message is usually going to be better than no message. I've certainly done my share of "first messages" usually following a few back and forth messages on a dating site. As I start to speak I might be a bit on edge and then I ease up and sometimes leave a few paragraphs worth... and I always get the call back..lol.

[keith515]

So based on what everyone is saying, the message is that I don't have a chance because I didn't leave a message?

 

I called her because my gut told me she liked me. But if my gut was wrong, it wouldn't have mattered what I did. But if my gut is correct (that she does like me), then the fact I didn't leave message ruined any chance I have?

 

We've been having this love/hate relationship at work for several months. This was the first time I contacted her after work. It's quite possible that I have been reading her wrong the whole time. She is one complicated girl. I should probably just give up because she is so hot and cold and doesn't give me any real hope, it just prevents me from looking at anyone else.

[Ariel85]

If it were me, it would be a huge turnoff, as it's a patently weinie move and I don't go for the weaker, beta types.

 

I would have no idea why you called me, particularly since it's the first time you did, but to expect her to contact you at this point is pretty lame and kinda passive aggressive. I don't know many women that would respond positively to a hang-up call from someone they've never heard from again. Mainly because we all read it as what it was - you chickened out.

[keith515]

If it were me, it would be a huge turnoff, as it's a patently weinie move and I don't go for the weaker, beta types.

 

I would have no idea why you called me, particularly since it's the first time you did, but to expect her to contact you at this point is pretty lame and kinda passive aggressive. I don't know many women that would respond positively to a hang-up call from someone they've never heard from again. Mainly because we all read it as what it was - you chickened out.

 

I actually wasn't expecting her to call me back. I figured I'd see her at work the next day. And I might try again or I might not.

[greywolf]

Depends on the girl. Personally, I hate it when people call me unless it's for something that's urgent. But when people ask for my number, I usually tell them not to call me.

[tresqua]

So based on what everyone is saying, the message is that I don't have a chance because I didn't leave a message?

 

You have a chance but it's not as good as it would have been if you left her a message to the effect of "Hey it's Keith, I'd like to take you to dinner this week, how's Friday looking for you?".

 

She is one complicated girl. I should probably just give up because she is so hot and cold

 

Most women are complicated, most women are hot and cold, that's what keeps it interesting. Once you actually get into a relationship with one of them, it's a lot easier to handle because you'll know for sure that she's into you.

[Coverage]

Talk to her at work or call back and actually leave a message if she doesn't answer. I personally think the people who are claiming you've ruined your chances with her are overreacting a bit. I mean if she gets so bent out of shape from a phone call where you didn't leave a message then maybe you dodged a bullet by not getting involved with her.

 

That said, I do agree that its not good to call and not leave a message, but just talking to her should let you know where things stand.

[tazunemono]

Don't hide behind the "social shield" of txt messaging...call her or ask her face to face. Ask her like you'd ask a friend to a movie or ballgame, with the same kind of casualness...maybe make a joke out of it, say "Haha wow so I was really nervous about asking you out in person, and I was just going to txt you, but I thought that was lame, so..." Women love this kind of thing. Shows confidence in yourself and shows you know how to make the right decision.

 

She may be OK with you txt'ing her, but she WANTS you to call her. Trust me! lol

 

With women I find you constantly need to mix up your efforts to keep them interested and excited to be with you. Plus, it removed some of the usual and routine from "dating"

 

Good luck, sir