The Delusion of Attachment

[mhowe]

Silverbirch -- I've read a lot of your posts, and regardless of whether they are his demons, or your actions, you seem to be completely focused on the relationship or the end there of. I've seen that you have a great group of friends, on here and in reality, and that you have several hobbies...I think in order for you to move on, you need to stop focusing on this forum. At this point, it doesn't seem to be helping, and in fact may be hindering your progress.

 

Unfortunately, no amount of thinking about it will change what has happened. The only thing you can change is your response to it.

[liz3290]

Up until around 5 years ago, I had been in a 10 year relationship which was definitely based on negative attachment. After it hurt badly enough, I forced myself to persevere, going through any perceived pain I needed to and face that the attachment was based on negativity, the the good things I had told myself about that attachment were in fact a delusion. I'm not sure just at what point the attachment left me, but I can say for sure that it did. Today, I have absolutely no attachment to that person although I wish them no harm. They simply do not figure in my left and I completely separated emotionally and in every other way so that each of us has gone on our own separate personal journey.

 

I just got out of a 3 year relationship, and I'm starting to wonder if it was all attachment. Before I entered the relationship I got an eating disorder, and I didn't go into treatment until after the relationship began. I think I became emotionally attached to him because of that issue. Now I find it weird, if not impossible, to think that I never really loved him, but I just can't tell. I know that for a bit after getting into the realtionship, until its ending, I didn't have my own life outside of him. I think I just wanted to be in a relationship, so I got into one, and stayed in one because of emotional attachment issues.

[Silverbirch]

Hi All,

I'm in a much better place right now. Sorry if I'm being a pain by repeating myself as I've raved about this book on other threads, but I have been reading "From Abandonment to Healing" which does explain a lot about attachment to another person and what it is we are experiencing at a b/u. She also gives strategies in healing which work. She also mentions other attachments - and for me, smoking cigarettes could fall under that category - I'm not a drinker or gambler, etc. It's about adopting "vices" or whatever which are not really good for us because we see them as helping to provide some type of comfort. When we have a bad breakup, for a lot of us, there is a lot of subconscious previous abandonment and pain which is brought to the surface which we need to look at, deal with and then let go of.