CGE Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Ok where do I begin. As long as I can remember I've always known I was different than everyone else by the way I thought and acted. As far back as seventh grade I can remember getting panic attacks while talking to new people and interacting in groups. The way I got by in highschool was by faking being an outgoing person and lying about things I did over the weekend (that I really didn't do) to sound cool. Eventually it transitioned to me lying on a consistent basis and having this alter personality around different groups of people. At home I was this quiet kid who was a total introvert and while I was at school I was this funny, creative guy who people couldn't get enough of. The problem with putting on that fake personality was that I couldn't fake it all the time and people got to wondering why I wasn't making some snide comment or poking fun at a kid in the classroom. The stress of faking the outgoing person would eventually get to me and I would lie about having a big project to do and just go home and lock myself in my room to deal with the panic attack. Over the years I have noticed my moods fluctuating to the point of when I'm in a happy mood I can easily fake the outgoing person and always have something witty to say or discuss an important topic. In my low moods (such as right now) I have a hard time concentrating (writing this post seems difficult to me right now), low energy, inability to be motivated, hard time falling asleep, inability to feel emotions and my number one problem is that I chronically space out with a blank stare on my face ALL THE TIME. Reflecting on how I acted at work today I noticed I avoided most of the people I talked to in the past, had a very difficult time making small talk (as well as comprehending what the person I talked to said) and basically faked being busy so no one would talk to me. My compulsive lying has gotten to the point where I tell my parents I'm going out for the night and end up just driving aimlessly around for many hours. Does anyone have any experience or knowledge about people with psychotic behavior that they can relate this to? Link to comment
tresqua Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Sounds to me like you've got a bit of bipolar coupled with generalized anxiety disorder and panic attacks. You're obsessing about losing your mind which is making your anxiety even worse. Just quite all the negative feedback thought patterns before you drive yourself nuts. Seriously we all got issues and from what you describe here it's not as bad as you've convinced yourself it is. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 What you described is not the signs of being psyhcotic. You might be bipolar based on your moods going from up to down, but it is important for you to know, no one on this site can diagnose you. We simply do not have the knowledge or authority for us to do so. I would suggest that you get a psychological evaluation to determine your diagnosis so that a treatment plan can be created for you. It may call for medication prescribed by a psychiatrist. It is good that you recognize that your life is out of whack, so to speak. Recognizing the problem is the first step to fixing it. Now...the next thing is to seek the help you need. chi Link to comment
CGE Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 Honestly I never give myself negative feedback and in the past have just tried to tell myself that I'm having a bad day or I don't feel well. Now that I'm getting older and talking to people about their past experiences I now know that how I've acted in the past and how I think are not normal for people. To be honest I only started looking for disorders that match my symptoms ever since my twin brother had a manic episode that lasted 2-3 weeks. His symptoms became so abnormal that all of his roommates in his apartment moved out because they were scared of my brother and eventually my parents called the police on him and had him TDO'd to a hospital to have urine tests done for check for drug us. The difference between him and I was that he had been using marijuana on and off for about a year now and I have only smoked marijuana 8-9 times in my entire life. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 . To be honest I only started looking for disorders that match my symptoms. You cannot diagnose yourself either. Only a qualified, certified and ratified professional, such as a psychiatrist, has the ability to make the determination as to your diagnosis. As far as the use of marijuana, I would like to address this issue. I speak as a person who is certified in substance abuse. Many people who have psychological issues use drugs to self medicate themselves. They do this as an attempt to stabilize their moods. It is not advisable to do this. Please get the professional help you need, and then if it turns out to result in medicine it will be legal and prescribed by a doctor. Does this help? Link to comment
CGE Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 Chitown9, believe me I will never smoke pot again and I have never nor will I ever try any other forms of drugs. Since you have experience dealing with substance abuse users, have you found therapy a positive form of treatment for them to realize their problems and get over them? Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Yes, absolutely. Drugs and alcohol are used as a coping mechanism. I had a client in one of my sessions who realized he had been sexually abused by his sister as a child. He had swept this knowledge under the rug and really never dealt with it in that he did not see the connection with the sexual abuse and his poor self esteem. Once he realized the corelation he also understood why he used drugs to cope with his low self esteem. This self realization on his part helped him to not use drugs. The therapist helps him with his self esteem issues which in turn is helping him to abstain from drug use. The therapist will give options for better ways to cope. However, as I explained in my earlier post, drugs and alcohol is also a form of self medication for other conditions. My daughter was diagnosed bipolar and before she was diagnosed she used marijuana to equalize her moods (a form of self-medication.) In this case it was through therapy that she diagnosed bipolar and prescribed with medz for that. I am a fan of therapy because you learn so much about yourself! Link to comment
CGE Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 This is great news for me because I am currently in the process of looking for a great therapist to help me through this tough time in my life. Thanks for caring chitown Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 You are very welcome CGE. You will find many caring people on this site. Link to comment
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