curious about my thoughts..

[l0st]

Well don't worry I've never caused myself any injury and I don't plan on it....but the thing is I find myself contemplating suicide a lot. I just play out the scenario in my head...how, where I would do it..but mostly I think about everybody's reaction to it. When you know someone well enough you can predict their reaction to many situations. Most of the people I don't want them to go through the pain I predict they would have...but there's sometimes where I want some people to feel it. I want them to feel guilty. One scenario I figured leaving a note telling a certain someone it's their fault, so they would be left with the guilt.

 

But honestly, I really would never play out any of these scenarios. But why do I think about it so much...and so vividly?

 

I think the main catalyst is my relationship with my girlfriend (of 1 yr this Aug. 25th). If we're going good then I'm happy with life, but if there's something wrong between us then I fall into this depression and I do all these suicide scenarios in my head. And I just don't give a **** about anything/anybody else.

 

I guess I just answered my own question....guess it just helps to write it down and have somebody read it. Well thanks for reading.

 

/pointless post

[ClareMsUK]

you give such good advice to every one else i have noticed! i know u answered your own question so ill keep this short, i think its fairly normal to mull over or even fantasise about things we know we'd never ever do. thats how we make sense of things in our heads. its important not to let the bad days take control over feelings as they will come and go like any other day. i'd advise you to try and find some inner peace and security that cannot be affected by others. its the only way to get by as at some point people will let u down whether its meant or not. i don't mean shut out people, just find a place inside that u feel safe and happy and go there whenever the outside gets tough! am i making sense at all? if u want me to elaborate or re-word in english just pm me, haha! good luck x

[thisisnotanexit]

nah man, you're completely normal. it's human to wonder how these people would feel if we were not around, especially if were mad at them for something they've done. i'm glad you're not going to go through with any of them, bc that wouldn't be a wise choice. just keep working on those problems you hav ewith your gf and talk to her about it. take care man

[l0st]

Thanks, it really means a lot to have people read and respond to this stuff. I don't think I could talk about this stuff in person...

[i_hate_the_world47]

well though these are weird thoughts its ok.The good thing is that you have never done ne of it.Good luck.

 

~Meagan~