I'm getting super frustrated :(

[Kailynn]

It's been some time since my ex and I broke up. At this point, although I do miss him, I'll be fine without him. His behavior is beginning to be increasingly frustrating and I just don't know how else to approach things.

 

When we broke up, he basically went no contact on me. I'm not the type to call and beg so it wasn't really an issue but, he made it very clear that he was taking time and space from things and if he didn't respond to me right now it wasn't personal. How can that not be personal right? Anyway, I wait about a month and a half to contact him about exchanging our things. I simple requested that if he was going to be out on a Saturday night to leave his gate open for me so I could drop his belongings at his door. No need to talk. In fact, I even stated I didn't want any drama. He never responded. I ended up just leaving his things at the bottom of his gate, hoping they didn't get run over because he was too childish to dignify that with a response.

 

Now, about 4 weeks later, I sent him another text that roughly went like this: "I believe I left some things at your place. Can we arrange a time I can pick those things up? I don't want to talk, I'm not trying to win you back, at the very least just agree to mail them. If not, simply leave them at your gate so we don't have to see each other. HE DIDN'T RESPOND!

 

I'm aware that the breakup sucked for both of us however, he dumped me. I haven't been harassing him and I simply want things to be finalized. If it wasn't a few of my favorite items and a 140 dollar perfume, I'd let it go but that's besides the point. After 2 years, he's acting like a child who can't bare to face me when I've made it VERY clear I'm not asking for that.

 

Really, what gives?

 

Anyways, I just wanted to vent. Thanks for letting me ramble.

[Eocsor]

When people break up sometimes they want nothing more to do with the other person. No contact of any kind. This applies even to dumpers. If it was me I'd just give up on getting your items back unless it's something like a 52 inch plasma TV or a family hierloom.

 

And really, what does it matter if he never speaks to you again, you're over him. You can't force him to conform to the behaviour you want, so just let it go. It's just more grief and aggravation for you if you try.

[ForumGuy]

Maybe there is a mutual friend or family member you can talk to and say "I just want my stuff back, can you please help get it for me." Sounds like he is dead set on keeping his "power". I am a huge advocate of NC on here, but stuff like this is ridiculous even to me. "Childish" is a good way to put it.

[Kailynn]

Eocsor- I never said I wanted to talk to him. I made it very clear I just wanted my things back. They're important things to me and a website cannot be the one to tell me the value of what's important or not. So,while I understand it might be easier to just "forget about it", I want my things. Mailing my belongings, which I've clearly said was just fine hasn't even been done. It's the childish behavior that's annoying, not his lack of contact with me.

 

ForumGuy- We do have ONE mutual friend and she refuses to be put in the middle of it. She's tried once before to talk to him for me about this and he's chosen to ignore her as well. Like I said in my post, if I was asking for a conversation, a heart to heart, a "god I want you so much" conversation, I'd be put off too. However, I'm only asking him to agree to mail the items or let me come pick them up when he's not around. A simple yes or no to either request wouldn't leave me running at him with flowers and love confessions. He's behaving like a 10 year old boy who's mom punished him and now he's trying to get her back for it.

[DylanNotorious]

So you have been broken up for 6 weeks? Did he say why he dumped you?

[Kailynn]

So you have been broken up for 6 weeks? Did he say why he dumped you?

 

Oh, longer than that. We've been broken up about 4 months. I waited a good amount of time before attempting any sort of communication. I made sure he wasn't dating anyone as he's still close friends with my best friend. I'm trying to go about this as appropriately as possible.

 

Yes, he gave me a few reasons. Why?

[mrwebcam]

Like my ex when i was ugh younger would not respond to me cause i wanted my things i just simply contacted the police and they went with me to get my items. Know you probably won't go there but it might be your last option otherwise forget about the items. He must think its a power trip to keep your stuff, what a baby, you should've put a pacifier in his belongings to stop his whining lol j/k.

[DylanNotorious]

Oh I was just trying to figure out why he would be seriously shutting you out like that. He really is sticking to his guns and not letting you have your stuff back.

 

But at the end of the day, you would hold all the power if you just let him keep the stuff. Made no more fuss about it. He would be wondering why you stopped asking. Do you really need the stuff back?

[Kailynn]

Oh I was just trying to figure out why he would be seriously shutting you out like that. He really is sticking to his guns and not letting you have your stuff back.

 

But at the end of the day, you would hold all the power if you just let him keep the stuff. Made no more fuss about it. He would be wondering why you stopped asking. Do you really need the stuff back?

 

Well, we'd been having some issues for a little while. We tried discussing them but, he basically threw a bunch of crap at me and I was suddenly supposed to make it better. I tried SO hard to improve but, the fact was, I was worried he was constantly judging me so, I wasn't exactly being myself. I wasn't happy anymore and it was leaking into how I was treating him. When he broke up it was basically because he said he felt under-appreciated, that he gave 90% effort and I gave 10%. He said he meant it when he said he loved me, that he wanted to marry me but, he didn't know where he'd be in the future and he just wasn't happy with the way things were. So, it's not like I cheated on him or anything. It was just hard to make each other happy when we're at different universities and such.

 

I wasn't really aware I was making a fuss. I've only asked once. I just don't believe he needs to be shutting me out so coldly. I'm really making no attempts at pushing for anything beyond getting my items back. No, I don't NEED them but, they are some of my favorite things and he has absolutely no use for them so it seems pointless that he can't just mail them.

[DylanNotorious]

The guy sounds like he has very HIGH EXPECTATIONS of you, and when you fail to deliver, it's all your fault. And I can't believe that you would have to "Improve" yourself to make the situation better. What does that even mean? So you couldn't be yourself? Well that's real crap of him to make you feel that way. I'd love to know what his version of 90% was, if he was expecting you to change and he thought he didn't have too. What a controlling dictator.

 

You will never get your stuff back from this kinda guy, unless he uses it as bait to get you to talk to him WHEN HE'S READY. Screw that!

[Kailynn]

See, he's not usually so "controlling". We're both very laid back so I didn't often actively make plans, I didn't offer to pay, and coming from previous relationships where the guy didn't enjoy little gifts..I usually just said "Happy Anniversary" instead of getting a card. When he talked to me about it, I was relieved because I like showing affection in little ways. I wanted to do those things so, it wasn't a matter of me needing to change. I really would of been myself. In short, I believed those things needed to change as well. I HATED that he paid for everything. Had I not been unemployed for the duration of our relationship, I would of gladly contributed. It's not as if I didn't want to, I just couldn't. Bad timing I suppose.

 

Yes, he did try to make it entirely my fault. Although he did admit to having a part in how things turned out and he did apologize that things didn't go the way we hoped, I still feel like he's punishing me for hurting him. He broke up with me. I was crushed but, he knew I wanted to make it work and that I loved him. I didn't know what else to do except to leave him be for now. At this point, I feel as if he's using my things as a way to keep some sort of a connection open for when he's ready to discuss how things played out. He was clearly bothered when we broke up, he was crying and such but, I have to do what's best for me. I don't believe that holding on to my crap is a tell all for a future relationship. I just wish he'd stop acting like a baby. I miss him yes but, I'd rather get this over with than open up a wound 3 months from now. If he's hurting, fine but, like I said, I made it clear he didn't have to see me.

[DylanNotorious]

Ok scrap what I said over the previous page, because what I said about this guy on the previous page is not correct at all lol So now I kinda get the jist of what's gone wrong. I can see his point of view and I can see yours.

 

What in your opinion would be the main reason of you two not getting back together in your eyes? Because if he loves you and you love him, it's not completely dead in the water. And it's not, because he's holding onto your stuff.

[Eocsor]

Well as a previous poster said, call the police and have them go over withyou and get your stuff. You get what you want and it's end of story. No more aggravation.

[Kailynn]

Ok scrap what I said over the previous page, because what I said about this guy on the previous page is not correct at all lol So now I kinda get the jist of what's gone wrong. I can see his point of view and I can see yours.

 

What in your opinion would be the main reason of you two not getting back together in your eyes? Because if he loves you and you love him, it's not completely dead in the water. And it's not, because he's holding onto your stuff.

 

Main reason? We're not talking to each other. I don't know if his lack of communication is because it's hard for us to talk while we're still in pain and he cares or, if it's because he literally doesn't give a crap. We can't discuss how things ended if he's not even willing to reply to a yes or no message text. I'm going to school in 2 months to finish my masters and it's going to be hard to start things fresh when he's at a different school for his. We both planned on it being this way when we were together but, I don't think we planned on breaking up either. I mean, he's full scale kicked me out of his life. He's pulled an entire NC on me. No facebook, no mutual friends, no texting, no calls, nothing. With the exception of him congratulating me on the school I got into, he's pretending I don't exist.

 

So really, communication.

[MyNinja]

I had a similar situation a few years back. I broke things of with my now ex because he was very controlling. He had a bunch of my including, but not limited to: clothing, my personal paintings, exercise equipment, CD's, DVD's, camera, you name it. We had our things in storage together because in the beginning I though things were going smoothly and he was very sweet, but flipped out on me. We planned on moving in together.

 

The bastard never returned my things and ignored my requests. I never saw any of that stuff again. This was a few years ago, so everything has since been replaced, but it's just the principle of the matter. I know my stuff got pawned because he was big on pawning things. It sucks but I learned my lesson.

 

If you must, call him up and continue to be respectful as you've been, and ask for your things. He seems very stubborn so I hope the authorities will not have to get involved in order for you to reclaim your belongings. Good luck

 

Until we meet again...

[JonasWaingaro]

Honestly you have to weigh the frustration vs getting the things back. My ex acted like a jerk after the BU so I just walked away and left all my stuff. Some very sentiment, some fairly expensive. It just wasn't worth the pain or being treated poorly to get it all back. Sad since I know she probably trashed some of it, and who knows with the rest. It's a drag.

[irishgerry]

Not sure if it has already been said but he might have had a horrible moment and thrown out everything that reminded him of you and he is ashamed now to say it to you and just wants to ignore you until you go away.

[ForumGuy]

Not sure if it has already been said but he might have had a horrible moment and thrown out everything that reminded him of you and he is ashamed now to say it to you and just wants to ignore you until you go away.

I was thinking this same thing earlier.

 

Another thought....he may not like it when you say you don't want to talk and to leave the gate open when he leaves. He may not like the fact that you won't beg and plead with him and that you accepted the NC so easily. I'm not saying you should do any of these things, but it may be where his head is at.

[learning2relax]

I have been here.......He broke up with me via email and clearly stated that I could come get my things as they were mine and he didn't deserve them. I had both things of mine down there and of course the things that I gave him or purchased for him (he just bought a house after losing just about everything in a divorce and lived with a friend for 1.5 years with basically his clothes and a bedroom set he purchased). So after reading his comments, I was a little confused as to if he wanted me to get my things AND the things I had given/purchased for him as gifts. It didn't matter.

 

I only wanted my things back. I have to tell you that I laughed in reading this thread and some of the posts as it is almost a carbon copy of my situation. I almost had to ask you who it was that you were in a relationship with because it was almost word for word the same experience I went through. I had BOTH a new flat screen tv and a family heirloom at his place. The post stating that let it go unless you have those types of items there made me LOL.

 

So I contacted him about a month after the break up by leaving a voicemail. No response. I contacted him a month after that with a text. No response. I sent him an email request about getting my things a month after that. No response. I worked with him so about a month after the email, he was in my office and we were alone and before I let him leave after discussing business I asked him - "Hey, I need to get my things out of your place. When can I do that?" His response???? "You have too much going on in your life right now to have to worry about that. Your things are safe at my place. Let's just see how things go." and he promptly turned on his heels and walked out of my office before I could respond. All I thought was, What the hell was that?? What does that even mean??

 

I lost my job 2 days before Christmas. He still works there. I had given up getting my things pretty much altogether. I was depressed and alone and he didn't communicate with me at all outside of work or reach out to me when I lost my job to see how I was doing. Then one day in late March, out of the blue a thought to reach out to him at that moment to inquire struck me and I acted upon it. I sent him a text. I asked him if he was taking his usual annual trip to Florida around the April time frame and if I could come collect my things while he was gone. I also offered the option of him dropping it off at a friend of his who I have kept in limited contact with and I could go collect my things at their place to accommodate what I anticipated was his issue with seeing me for the exchange of my items.

 

Two days later I got a text in response. I almost fell over. Mind you, we broke up 1.5 years prior and he never texted me in that time. Not initiated by him NOR in response to me. He stated that he took the day off on Friday and he would bring me "everything" and to let him know what time would work for me. I sat on that text for a day to ensure that any response was not in reaction. I responded back that 12noon worked for me and to let me know if that worked for him or propose another time. He replied, "see you then."

 

He lives 1.5 hours away. During our relationship, he NEVER ever came to my house. There are reasons for that and aren't relevant here but that said....He texted me to tell me he was running an hour behind. I texted in response OK. He showed up, and I helped him unpack his truck. Needless to say, he didn't bring "everything" He brought back the TV and the family heirloom and a few other larger type items but there was probably a good 15-20 things including a bike he bought for my son to have at his house that he didn't bring. We visited for 2.5 hours. At first he was checking his watch, I asked him if he had somewhere to be, he stated he was concerned about the traffic on his ride back but then settled into the conversation until I brought it to a graceful close. Never discussed the relationship. Before he got in his truck, he turned to me, hugged me and told me to keep in touch via email. He left. The communication between he and I since then has only improved in that he now will respond to every 3rd email I send (I average only say 1 every 3 weeks and am now resolved to never send any more) but not initiating on his part.

 

I was told he threw it away in anger. I was told he was holding on to it for a way back. I was told all the things that are posted here. In the end, I got back the major things and I am never going to seek out the rest. If he wants to use it in the future to reach out to me, that is his choice and only then will I truly know that is the reason he didn't return those items when he had the chance.

 

Having learned from this very experience......I will NEVER leave stuff or lend stuff or bring stuff of my own to a person's house that I am in a relationship with. It was just too frustrating to get it back. If I ever do, it will be with the understanding that once I ever leave it there, it is there to stay and I am giving it away. Period.

 

Good luck. It took a year and a half but I got it back. I truly only wanted the heirloom back. I didn't care about all the other stuff that I could replace in time. I recognized that it was my stupidity in bringing it there and leaving it there in the first place and came to the conclusion that I had to let it go.