a few questions for you all

[Manda2113]

I'm having one of those "down moods"...been 6 weeks, and I've been gradually feeling better (usually when I'm busy...I hate slowing down, like right before bed)...anyhow, just been wonderin....how many of you that have posted here have successfully gotten back together w/ your ex? How long were you broken up for? And, how many ppl have you had relationships w/ that you wanted to marry?

[roxy79]

Hey there. I too, have my good days and bad days. I'm only going on 3 weeks of no contact but I am feeling better (most of the time). This is the first relationship I've been in (I'm 25), where I have actually wanted to marry this person. I never have even dreamed of a wedding or being a bride until now. Unfortunately, we (well HE) broke up in July. I truly thought I had found the man of my dreams, and I continue to believe that he is. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he will "figure" out what it is he is going through and will come back to me.

If he doesn't...I'll move on. I'm not "waiting" for him, but the door is still open for him. Just keep your chin up. Life is way too short to be unhappy all the time. Things will work out.... MB

[mamamaria]

i know how you feel .ive been broken up with my ex for about 2 months now..i broke up with him but it hurts just as much.real love, a real connection is somethin you dont get with too many guys so it hurts i know. and i know that I imagine us gettin back together ...he still calls (usually just to complain cause he found out i was hookin up with someone else)and like that other girl who commented, i dont wanna wait, its just whatever happens happens..thats hard to do though, you will alwaysssssssssss have days where you cant help but fantasize the day youll get back together..sometimes everyday.

 

the fact is, you dont know , and he probly doesnt either, live your life or try to..keep busy think positive and if its real love the one the really makes you happy to be you(thats most important) then you could end together.

 

also, did he really make you happy to be you and everything or do you just miss the feeling? think about that hard

 

sorry this was long if you ever want to talk at all, i feel your pain, haha so im me igotcannons, for help or whatever

[LittlePea]

Hi! I totally understand the feeling! I've had 4 weeks of no contact, and I also think occasionally of those questions: will we end up together? Does it ever happen?

 

But I realized that if things are meant to be they will happen. Everything happens for a reason and that includes the break up. If you think of things always happening for a reason, its kinda of reassuring. Because you begin to realize that everything is a small part of a whole plan and that everything that is happening is to help you grow. When I get down, I think about that.

 

If you and your ex are supposed to be together, you will. Everything works out for the best. Enjoy life (easier said than done ofcourse) and realize that you have a wonderful future ahead of you.

[roxy79]

I figure people break up and get back together ALL the time. I look at some of my friends or even my brother, who has been with his girl for 7 years now and they used to break up all the time just because one of them (usally my bro) was being selfish and was unsure about what he wanted. But they now lived together and have a spectacular life together. Thinking about things like that makes me think, maybe my man is going to come back. Maybe this is just a "speed bump" in our relationsip. It's only been 2 weeks since I haven't talked to him. What am I crying about?!!!! You gotta have some sense of humor. Just keep smiling....

[otrebla]

It's easy to say, but it's harder to keep in mind.

We can either fool ourselves being happy or fool ourselves being sad.

[DragonGirl724]

well hun...

 

i have had 4 real relationships. and 1st i broke up with him for 'space' & freedom tho he was a great catch...& i let 4 months or so go by & i dated the 2nd guy...that was a bummer he broke up w/ me tho it was ok we werent meant to be it was obvious!...but after the 2nd guy i realized i wanted the 1st guy back...had plans to talk it over & tell him i care butttt he passed away 3 weeks before i could say anything. thennnn i was with a jerk for a yr & a half & my 2nd guy wanted me back tho i didnt love him so we just remained friends & still are buds. i broke up w/ the jerk of yr & 1/2 & he wanted me back but i knew we werent compadible (not to mention he started STALKING ME!) so i said screw this! then my most recent bf im in love with & we discussed marriage & looked at rings & we are both eachother ideal love...but i think he is scared to commit right now b/c he had a gf for 7yrs & needs time alone & he broke up w/ me for 'space' as i did to my 1st BF....its a vicious cycle i tell ya. i just hope he realizes as i did that what i had was great & what HE had was great too & will give us a second chance at love...i have a great feeling that he will return, especially after how nice things have been recently & the fact that his boys are moving away soon & his brain wont be as clouded with alcohol & other party favors. lol

 

i know a bunch of ppl who got back together & eventually got married after YEARS of not seeing eachother! it depends on the people, the reasons for breakup, & how strong the love is between the 2 people.

 

dont lose faith but dont live in hopes. prayer for a better understanding of the situation, & rely your faith in God thru Him all things are possible & don't rely in your own understandings right now. have faith He will help you thru the tough times.

 

best of luck thru this journey of heartbreak.

 

-DG724

[mamamaria]

well i just realized this a few minutes ago...i just saw my ex down the shore yesterday and he tried to hug and talk to me and care like nothin ever happened..it felt good to know he still cares and it gave me more hope wed be back together eventually then i went on the computer earlier today and saw his 'livejournal' where he talked about this other girl that i know he doesnt really care about but is obviously hookin up with...after cryin alot, i talked to a friend that made me realize when you really love someone and break up then you always hope to get together again..its love! but 7 times out of ten that is not the case...and thats a good thing..even out the good and the bad..is it even worth it, did he make you happy to be YOU, could you fart in front of him, haha i know that sounds funny but i think that with real love your not afraid to do anything around them...deep down do you want HIM back or do you just want love...ive realized i just want love and theres someone out there better for me..i just have to stop looking so much...

 

sometimes you have to learn to put that hope down for good, or let go of that love, if its meant to come back it will no matter what you do so dont waste that time

[Manda2113]

a lot of you have brought up the question, "do i want him back just to have that feeling back, or just for the satisfaction of 'getting him back'"...i think i honestly love this guy...we were very comfortable around each other (reference: farting...lol mamamaria). its funny, how one person can feel so strongly for someone...it just seems natural that the other person should feel that way too, but obviously that isnt always the case huh? lol

[roxy79]

Manda:

I too reached a level of comfort that I had never saught possible with a man .The level of comfort was there on BOTH sides. He felt he could: fart, belch, drop the kids at the "pool", get drunk, snore, argue with friends and family....all these things were done with me, around me, and even with me while his family was there too. I think it takes a special person for someone to feel that "close" to without being shy or embarrassed about their actions. That is why I thought I was on my way to being the happiest lady on Earth. I KNEW I had found the "one." But something scared him and he scampered off. I do believe that our time apart will make him want that level of closeness back. Because I don't think you can do those things sort of things infront of/ for just anyone.

Am I right?

[DragonGirl724]

i agree completely! my ex & i hit it off from day 1!! LITERALLY! he loved how comfortable i am with myself & how comfortable i am w/ myself around him. he dated preppy wenches before me they were no fun, he said he loved how confident i am & how much i dont care what ppl think. we let loose & didnt care wat every1 thought. he loves how hardcore i burp & he loved how i eat as much as he does & can handle as much alcohol as he does lol. hes a 260lb man im a 125lb chick! he loves all the things that make me -ME & i love all things that make him-HIM. he told me saturday "im glad to see you didnt lose your flare you have a great personality." it was wonderful i was never happier in my life. i truly love him & i know he truly deeply loved me. not to mention we are both eachothers ideal mate physically & sexually as well. im just hopin his feelings come back after this 'space' that he needed so badly... if its true love they will come back, or should i say they were never really truly gone to begin with.

 

-DG724

[Satch]

...anyhow, just been wonderin....how many of you that have posted here have successfully gotten back together w/ your ex? How long were you broken up for? And, how many ppl have you had relationships w/ that you wanted to marry?

It seems as if everyone has forgotten the original question that Manda posted in this thread. I don't have any personal experiences myself (hoping to have one soon when my ex returns to me!! ;-) ), but have grabbed this post off another site. It gives one hope...

 

I think it is possible but I'm not sure if this can be called "falling back in love".

 

I can't speak from my own experience becouse my relationships were all too short to develop some strong feelings, but I have several more experienced (female and male) friends who shared their experience with me and helped me go through this time of pain which is BTW still not over.

 

My friend was in a serious relationship for almost 2 years when his g/f told him she doesn't love him anymore, without any appearant reason. He was devastated for almost 2 months, and all this time he was "crawling" after her and almost begging her to come back but she was more and more uninterested. She even said she hates him for being so obsesed. When he saw there's no point he tried to move on with his life. He started to go out with us (his friends), met few girls and he was successfully recovering.

After 2 more months she came crawling back to him saying she made a huge mistake.

He took her back after he told her he won't tolerate this next time and now, about 6 months after they're back together, they are happier than ever. She looks more in love with him than ever before.

 

My other friend (female) said that she did the same to her b/f, and she still doesn't know why she "fell out of love" with im. She only knows that more he tried to get back to her, she was less interested in going back to him. When he finally gave up on her, she panicked and realised what she is loosing and she got back to him.

Now they are happily married and have 2 months old child.

 

I know some other similar scenarios, but they all have the same conclusion. If the person was really in love and suddenly "fell out of love" he/she will come back when they realise what they are loosing. The only problem is if they realise that too late.

 

The interesting thing is that in every similar case I have heard of, girl was the one who was not sure.

 

Maybe girls (as natural choosers of their partners) have some point in their relationship where they want to see other options before they can decide for sure.

I mean. On some raw animal level, male only wants to spread his seed, but female is the one which has to choose the best seed for her potential children.

[DragonGirl724]

i posted a reply that applied yesterday, i dunno how it kinda just drifted. lol

 

i had all my exs come back & i know of someone who was broken up for 5 yrs & was denied when he purposed ot his ex, but in time theyw ent for counseling & he purposed to her again & they have been happily married for years now!

 

-DG724

[Manda2113]

thanks guys...i really need encouraging stories like those at times like these! here's the weird thing satch, he broke up w/ me, and instead of missing me when i give him space, he misses me when we talk, etc. (so much for the "girls are the natural choosers" in this case..)...well, i mite be seeing the ex tonite...wish me luck!!

[Manda2113]

just to modify my last post...i am not seeing him tonight after all...he texted me a lame excuse. i dont understand myself...the more and more he hurts me, the more i ask myself why do i still love this man?

[roxy79]

We all do it. The more I "think" I'm "over" him, the more I realize how much he means to me. LOVE SUCKS.

[Satch]

We all do it. The more I "think" I'm "over" him, the more I realize how much he means to me. LOVE SUCKS.

 

C'mon. Love doesn't suck. Breaking up sucks. We all love love.

[roxy79]

nope.... still sucks. "love" is complicated, hard, confusing,hindering, fullfilling, exciting, etc..... which means it SUCKS. hahah.

[Manda2113]

well guys, its over for me..the waiting, hoping, all of it...it's done. he finally decided he doesnt want to be in a relationship w/ me, and that's it...we wont talk again, wont be friends, we are out of each other's lives for good (i have erased his number from my cell phone, and he will never call me). i prayed and prayed, and it didnt happen, so it must not have been "meant to be." it hurts like hell, all this leading on, and me following along, so its time to focus on myself, and get my emotional state back on track. thank you for everyone's help, i truly wish all of you the best of luck. although its hard to listen to others advice, i really believe after this whole thing that a girl shouldnt have to persue a guy. if two ppl really love each other and want to be in a relationship, it will happen...if you have to work so hard on making it happen, obviously someone isnt there 100 percent, and thats not fair to you. please, dont let someone hurt you...if someone is being a jerk to you, dont go along and end up being a jerk to yourself too...realize that at some point, "enough is enough."