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Posting here instead of texting

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Hey ****


I just wanted to text you and tell you that I miss you. It has been a rough couple months without you. Especially hard that I'm alone now in this new city. I want to tell you that I think you've changed a lot for the worst. After we met last tuesday and you told me that you've been smoking pot again and now you're drinking every night and you want a huge tattoo I finally realize that you're not the girl I moved out here with and you're not the girl I fell in love with 4 years ago. We've hit some rough patches I know... but you and I both know there was so much love in our relationship. I screwed up... I was needy and depressed for the first few weeks when we moved out here. I didn't have a job or friends yet and you had a waitressing job where you met tons of new people and were going to the bars at night... even though it was without me.


This whole situation is a rollercoaster ride. I go from loving you to hating you to not caring to wondering.... After about a week without talking to you it's either you or me who feels the need to initiate contact. You told me last sunday how much you missed me and loved me. I gave in and 2 days later asked you to meet up. It really put me at square one and I wish I could just ignore you and not feel anything and be fine with you moving on (which I'm sure you have already have).


I'm kind of drunk tonight... I wish I could text you and tell you how much I still love you... but my ENA friends would suggest otherwise and I take their suggestions to heart. I just hope I can move on as fast as you have and can start meeting new people! There are so many instances where I wish I could text you and tell you what I'm seeing because I know you would be one to laugh.


I don't know... I'm still crazy about you. I hope tomorrow is easier


love you

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You're smart to post here instead of texting her. I am having a tough moment too and want to text or call or email my ex and tell him similar things as you wrote. I too moved to my current city to be with my ex and have no real friends and no family here. It is hard. Very hard. I love him and hate him all at once. You have the right attitude and will do well. I wish I had some of your courage to face things alone with such an outlook. I fear I will be alone forever and after wasting all of my youth on loving two men who both left me, I don't know that I could do it again. I'm at the point where I value myself so little I would just settle for meaningless sex to feel feigned intimacy with someone than be alone.

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I know how that feels. Everyone says I should just go out and have a bunch of meaningless sex and it will make me feel better. it actually makes me sick to my stomach. i dont feel like a MAN anymore. I used to be able to have sex with 3 different girls in a week in college and not feel anything. now i have no sexual urge to even try.




we'll get through it

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