Caring more about myself than my family

[feeling empty]

We have been married for 5 years, together for 7. We have a 3year old

daughter who is my whole life. My husband loves us both with all his heart.

Where the problem lies is I dont love him. I dont really know if I ever loved him. I have always gone from 1 relationship to the next and none

ever lasted more than 2 years. When I got to that point with my husband

I married him thinking that it was just me not being able to commit to a

longer repationship and that the love would come back. It never has even after having my beautiful daughter. Long story short. I dont think I have ever really been in love. I feel lost , empty, scared, selfish, and alone. I dont really have anyone I feel comfortable talking with. I know I have to leave for myself but I cant do it to my husband and daughter. He knows how I feel and for the past 2 weeks has been doing everything to get my love back. He gives me cards and letters that only make me want

to leave more because I long to feel that way about someone and have them feel the same. He thinks that I will take my daughter with me if I leave but what he doesn't know is that I couldnt do it to him. That is the only reason I am still with him. I cant bear the thought of being away from my precious little girl. She is here asking me why I am crying. Sorry to ramble I just need a little advice?

[hurtabandoned]

Have you tried counseling?

 

It may help you come to terms with your feelings and/or to help you move on. From what you are saying though, it sounds like you do have feelings for him even if you're not aware of it.

 

If you give it a shot and it still isn't working for you then at least you can end it knowing that you tried.

[storm]

been here brought the tshirt as they say . 10 yrs 3 kids a lorry load of guilt . this is not a easy thing for you to do, but sacrificing yourself to protect them wont work either ( i promise , tried that aswell)

 

you have 2 options , you could save the marriage or leave , if you want to save it , if theres even the slightest possibilty that you could make it work , go and see a counsellor & heres why ..... because if you have tried everything you can think of to make it work & you still are unhappy, you can make the choice saying to yourself " i tried to keep it together, now i can live with the choice i have made" then the guilt feeling will ease.

if your past that point , then take a deep breath and do what you need to do, but remember it is going to be very difficult , if you think now is hard think again , because when your hubby realises that its really over , i wouldnt be surprised if he pulled out all the stops ! you have to be able to have that peace in yourself that you have made the right decision for you to be able to deal with it.

 

with regards to your little girl , your her biggest role model , when i left my husband i remember thinking there is no way i would let my daughter stay in a unhappy relationship because she got married or became a mother , she would have the right to be happy & me staying there pretending to be happy familys was not showing her that me her mum , felt she deserved that right. i had to see what i was teaching her, either way ( make sense ? )

 

your attitude to the seperation will be one of the biggest things in effecting how she copes. as will your husbands but you cannot control that , no matter how much you want to. thats how children become battle tools in a divorce , ( btw this happens either way round im not just bad mouthing fathers here , alot are excellent dads ) one mother who feels guilty for her decision , add one father who deprives the child of attention, time etc and blames his actions on the mothers choice, now you have a drama traingle , victim , persecutor , rescuer !! nobody gains from it ! , but the truth is you cant do a damm thing about it EXCEPT refuse to get dragged into the game. you see it cant be played with only 2 players !

your child will benefit from your clear, unwaving attitude that everything is ok . its the emotional rollacoster that confuses children. they need to know there safe and loved , everything else they take as being 'normal'

 

 

sorry ive gone on . & the truth is this is just how I see it , i could have it all wrong.

you have to do it so you have to make the choice , because only you have to live with the consequences . best of luck x

[Mike_Wazowski]

From a man's point of view .... .... I think you are being utterly selfish. Your husband seems like an upstanding decent man, loves you, loves your daughter, faithful....what else can you ask for?? That kind of man is a dying breed....You should pray everyday that you found such a decent guy!

 

Other women would die for what you have, and you are ready to throw it away in your search for Mr. Right. Mr Right by the way is just a myth ....

 

That's why divorce is at an all time high cause we are living in the ME, ME, ME Generation where people only look out for Number One!

 

You daughter will pay the price for your happiness.....Good Luck!

[tgt]

I think you really need to dig into your childhood and find out why you are incapable of love. You say you have typically moved from relationship to relationship but never learned why - you just got married and that didnt do it either.

 

There is something wrong with your inner self that wont heal by leaving your husband - or by staying. You need to really take this seriously because it WILL FOLLOW you either way. Please see a therapist and try to go back to your childhood and see why you do the things you do. Love's been pounding on your door and you wont open it...

[Val_76]

I agree with what tgt say. The problem you're facing might not be in your surroundings, but inside of you.

 

I discovered what being truly in love was when my first daughter was born. Before her I felt empty just like you and then it was like a sunshine. Suddenly I discovered what love was and I realised that no one ever made me feel loved (parents included). From that moment on I knew that I would never love anyone more than her and it's because I never really felt love by anyone...

 

So far I've been with my gf for 7 years and I'm not really sure if I truly love her like they seem to love in the movies... she's my best friend, she's a wonderful mother, she's a good partner for all our projects, we have a great time together but I'm not sure if I will ever trust her or love her fully... that's what divorced parents give to their children, the impression that no relationship will hold when it's hard, that no one can stay together forever, that a big happy family is a myth and that it won't last. That's what my parents gave me, the feeling that the one I will love will betray me and leave me. I'm trying to be different but it's hard.

 

The thing I realised with time is that I won't necesseraly be happier with another woman... I will feel different that's for sure, but not better. The grass might seem greener on the other side of the fence, but it might be bitter too. I'm ready for some sacrifice to give my children what I never had.

 

Are you ready for that kind of sacrifice for you daughter? Will you step over some of your feelings to make her happy? Will you find the strengh inside of you to change the way you feel about things instead of changing the things and the people around you? Is something in your past preventing you from being happy today?

 

You're after something you might never find, you want love from a man but you're empty inside... will you be able to give it when it will happen? And do you think the one you choose will necesseraly love you back the way you love him or will he be after a bigger love too?