Can anyone relate?

[Sunshin3]

I joined this site as a sort of last hope that someone could relate to the way I feel.

If you're going to be rude, please do not bother responding.

 

I am a young single mother. I love my son more than anything and I can honestly say he is the only reason I am still here.

 

My story starts off good, mom and dad married had my sister and I and life was good for three years of my being. Then they got divorced and all hell broke loose, since I have no memories of them ever being together its all I've known. My mother raised my sister and I off being a waitress for 5 years, we were poor. I always envied the rich popular girls and I can remember being in grade school wondering what they would say as my funeral. My mother would not allow my dad to see us, she lied about him abusing us and beating her. When I was 8 she met her boyfriend. Thats when my depression, aniexty and suicidal thoughts started. He sexually, physically and emotionally abused me for 7 years. When I was 12 my mother packed us up in the middle of the night and we left for the opposite side of the country. My dad could do nothing. The drive accross Canada was something I have blocked out, I am surprised I am still alive, my mother and her boyfriend were drunk the whole time. When we arrived to our destination the abuse got worse, my mother knew what was going on. He told her when he was in my room at night he was "praying for me". * * * * ing piece of * * * * . I remember being accused of being on herion when I was 13. There were many times my sister and I went hungry so they could have their marijuana, cigarttes and booze. I have no doubt in my mind thats all they cared about. I know the only reason my sister and I were brought along was because my mom was too much of a * * * * to give us to our dad.

 

To sum that story up, my dad finally found a loophole in the custody agreement and we were allowed to go visit him for a summer. We never went back, this was 7 years ago. We told my dad about what had happened and went to the police to file a report. Nothing has happened to the * * * * * * * . Because I had blocked so much of it out (and I still cannot remember) theres not enough evidience. He will rot in hell.

 

But not all is well. My dad married another woman who is the female devil. She controls his every move and 2 years ago he stopped speaking to me. I had no one to turn to. I met a boy online and after making a trip to see him I moved half way accross the cournty to be with him. He promised me so much. It was all bull * * * * . We lived in poverty for 11 months. I was pregnant 4 months after I moved in with him. I have not graduated high school. I was very lucky to find a job and I am now on mat leave. WHen I was 30 weeks pregnant he kicked me out. I had NO WHERE to go. I spent the night in a heated bank (it was winter, -40)

 

The next day I was on a plane back home.

 

I have no hope, no motivation, no one to talk to.

I don't know what to do.

My mat leave ends soon and I have no job, no money set aside.

I am barely getting by on what I have,

 

I love my son so much, but I cannot give him the life he deserves.

I have thoughts of putting him up for adoption and just killing myself.

 

I am stuck. And I am hopeless.

[mouseno4]

Im sure nobody on this forum would be intentionally rude.

 

You are never stuck and you were never hopeless.

 

You are alive because you have a strong will, and have have survived despite the odds being against you. That in itself is an achievement.

 

I believe your son needs you more than he needs some random stranger. If anyone can defy the odds and survive - im pretty sure its you. You managed this far, why not see how far you can get? You may surprise yourself.

[Riverbecame]

you poor girl ...

my god .. what a life

my heart aches for you

if i could take it all away .. i would

if i could kiss it better .. i would

you have been let down by so many people that should of cared for you

you relied on them ... and they simply wernt there for you

totally selfish

woefully inadequet

is your sister about ?

do you see her ?

Grandparents Aunts Uncles ?

Oh ... how i wish i could help you

other than this message

please hang on .. its worth it

can u get in contact with any type of social service ?

reach out .. your going to have to ask for help .. that takes a lot of strenghth .. i know

what is your son's name ?

you are lucky to have him

i would love a child .. but have none

its going to be tough .. but one day at a time

i hope you'll be ok

take care

[Riverbecame]

you poor girl ...

my god .. what a life

my heart aches for you

if i could take it all away .. i would

if i could kiss it better .. i would

you have been let down by so many people that should of cared for you

you relied on them ... and they simply wernt there for you

totally selfish

woefully inadequet

is your sister about ?

do you see her ?

Grandparents Aunts Uncles ?

Oh ... how i wish i could help you

other than this message

please hang on .. its worth it

can u get in contact with any type of social service ?

reach out .. your going to have to ask for help .. that takes a lot of strenghth .. i know

what is your son's name ?

you are lucky to have him

i would love a child .. but have none

its going to be tough .. but one day at a time

i hope you'll be ok

take care