Going back to an ex - for how many has this worked out?

[486dx4]

Perhaps this has been asked before, but I am curious for those out there how many have gone back to an ex and things worked out well? I know posing the question here probably will give skewed results since anyone who did have something like this work out would not post or read messages here anymore. For them, life is wonderful of course....

 

For those where it did not work out roughly how long did it take for you or the other person to realize that this was not a good idea?

 

Did things seem to be different and what you wanted for a couple of months say after you got back together and then the old behavior/patterns came back?

 

Or did this person or you really change to make the relationship what you wanted it to be for good?

 

Just curious.....

[kantore]

It happens all the time, but hardly ever works. Move on and leave the past behind you.

The only reason half of us are here is because we are hung p on an ex that we want back. The irony is that they are not coming back, but we are dangerously hopeful. I wish someone would have told me from the get go to move on. That is my advice to anyone, just move on, and try to learn the lesson that it has to offer.

[bexcelant]

The likelyhood of going back to an ex and having it work out is very good actually. Both people have had time apart, grown and experienced life without each other. They know what they want. If both have similar backgrounds, can own up to the mistakes in the past, make the corrections and move on. I would think that the odds are very good.

[RayKay]

I have to disagree with Kantore, only because I KNOW so many people it did work out wonderfully for after a break of varying lengths. They are now both more committed than ever, and happier, as they both addressed the issues/problems whether they were in relationships or with themselves and it worked out for the best.

 

As for posters here, well, we'll have to see how MyJoy, danimals and d346, etc stories work out!

 

I think if during the break you both grew personally as individuals, had time to reflect on the relationship and your mistakes as individuals and as partners, the chances of working out are very good! Why? Because you will be stronger people and more dedicated to working things through.

 

The path to true love was never said to be easy, and we are closest to those who we go through the bad times as well as the good times with. It cannot work for everyone obviously, but for many it does.

[Beec]

I've done it, and screwed up when trying to do it.

 

Ones chances of doing it depend on where you were before it ended, how it ended and a bunch of diffeent factors. In most its possible, but the simple fact is many people are not capable of either one of two things: fixing what was wrong in the first place; or making an approach that will work to get them back.

 

With fixing what was wrong, we usually revert back to our old-ingrained ways of thinking. If everything else is great, both need to have some understanding to get things better. One needs to change, the other tolerate when things are not perfect, but also work to remind the one trying to change. Actually, both probably need to do a little of all of those.

 

The wrong approach. Too many types ot list.

[edougale]

My ex and I have broken up and gone back together about 5 times. It's always good in the beginning but all the old patterns, hurts, resentments seem to creep back in. Then we are back to square one. We have now been apart for about a year and a half and my ex has moved on and has been seeing someone else for about 6 months. I wanted to get back together since we had spent so much time apart and I realized all my wrongs (and his, too) and asked myself a zillion times, "Why didn't we go for counseling and try to really work on the problems?" I thought it would work this time if we could get back together but like I said, he is already wrapped up in someone else and it is tearing my heart out. He lives a few doors down from me so I have easy access to him and I do pop over about once a week to "talk". He said he does still love me since we spent YEARS together and went through alot but it was time to move on since he said if it didn't work out after 5 tries, it never would. This is killing me. I want him back so bad. I know he may look all the more appealing to me now that he has someone else but I don't think so entirely. I wanted him back before I found out he was with someone else. My only advice to you is if by any chance you do get back together, go for counseling and give it your all. Now this is considering she is ready to go back with you also and wants to give it her all. I think it can work but you have to be committed to going for help and really working on the relationship. Hope this helps.

[fellowes7892000]

I asked this very question to a relationships councillor, and her response was that in all relationships, if a problem is truly solved then the relationship is guaranteed to be stronger. This doesn't in any way indicate how many relationships are save-able, but it does say that if two people do decide to get back together and actually work out their problems, then they'll be happier than they ever were together.

I tend to agree heavily. I think that problems are for solving not for running away from.

 

just my 2 cents

[water_baby]

well in my situation it did work. me and my Bf broke up and i felt like my world had ended. i was a wreck but it was not too far gone. the reason i think me and him was able to make things work is we didn't forget what went wrong instead we attempted to fix it and we built on it and now we are stronger as a couple.

 

this may not acount for all people but for me it is when the relationship feels tainted,that is when i feel it has to end. once one member of the relationship has done/acted/said something that has changed everything to the point were you are not able to see them in the same light it is very hard to fix.

 

In the heat of the moment people can sometimes forgive somebody for something just to stop hurting and be back with them. when this happens people often change their minds about continuing the relationship because they get a chance to think and dwell.