Going to talk to men for comfort

[BabyO]

How wrong is it to go on line and talk to other men to get some comfort? 3 weeks since the break up and I can't deal at all..... I have been very mean to friends, family....etc... I am looking at it now like he does not want me, so heck I will find someone who does.....

[dolorosa]

Nothing wrong with doing that, do what is best for YOU to heal yourself. I am about to do the same, since I know there is not going back to the ex. I will not jump into another relationship, neither I want to meet people right now but I am happy to chat away and start to believe somebody else in the future, will be the real deal. In the meantime I am getting better, cut my hair, doing some work for Uni and just starting to live again. Be happy!

[metrogirl]

Why does it have to be men? Why not talk here about the pain you feel from the breakup? Men will sense that you are vunerable and probably take advantage of you.

[BabyO]

I have been talking here for 3 weeks and it has helped. I have no plans to take any of these men seriouly, so I won't be the one getting used. I want my ex back and maybe in time things will change and we can be together again. But, he let me go for now so I am free to do what I want at this point. This is just another avenue I am taking and it may be wrong, but at this point I don't care. I am doing whatever it takes to get over this devastation.

[FathomFear]

I would say that is likely a bad idea, as it would indicate that you associate your confidence and self-worth through validation/attention from men.

[irishgerry]

I think this is a good idea as long as you are not doing it for the wrong reasons. I'm nearly 4 weeks NC and have been dabbling in a bit of online dating. I have a date this week as well. I don't need to get in to a relationship but it has helped to take my mind off my ex.

[lukeb]

If you makes you feel better, then I guess it is a good idea but only for that reason. Going online is tempting, because it is easy, to a large degree you can start over with people who do not know you so you can pretend to be someone you're not. Although you may not be great real friendship material, I think the potential payoff for support is better with the people you know, your friends and family. If you have been a b. to them, be honest tell them you have been though some rough stuff. If they really have been your friends they'll understand.

 

Good luck

[doiiiieeezie]

I admit that I did that this time around, and it was a bad decision. A male friend who has had a crush on me for months (don't have any attraction to him) was there for me during the first week or so. It felt nice to be wanted, but then I woke up after a week. I knew that this person was trying to get to my vulnerability and pain then to find a way in, and it's not what I want. I thanked the friend and then stopped talking to him. (kinda what NC is, right?)

 

I know you are in pain, and feel lost and undesirable, but the time after the breakup is the most precious and confusing time to be in. You were told by the person you loved that they no longer need your services as a romantic partner. It hurts more than you know, but if you get through it, you will grow stronger and find that maybe you two can reconnect or that they just did you the biggest favor in the world.