sex with the ex

[CC]

i'd just like to know everyone's view on this. will it lead to getting back together at all? or will it just ruin what was a good relationship?

[Gauchori]

I think that it will ruin everything. Sorry for being kind of hard but a relationship isn't made with whats between the legs... in other words... sex! But is made out of love, caring for one another, etc. Thats why people go down with their relationships today; they think that you express your love when you have sex with one another and don't relise that some people are just playing games and having fun with you. I think that sex is not the answer, if he really wants to be with you, than he should want to be with you because he loves you; not because of your sex or theit hot body like some people say. Umm.... I hope that helped and once again sorry for being hard. Best of luck!!

[jessijess]

9 times out of 10 someone will get hurt. Usually one person is in it just to get off while the other one is in hopes that it will save their relationship.

Probaly not the answer you wanted to hear, but I speak from experience.

[sisterlynch]

I would say it is more like 50/50, but it depends upon the people and the way that you both broke up. Sometimes people take a break and then come together and maybe the person who needed a break didn't want the break to continue.

 

But Gauchori is right, sex for the sake of sex is really no different than a one night stand.

 

It really depends upon the people if they are both open to that, then it is ok. It is normally the woman that gets hurt in these cases.

[rnorth]

It depends. It can be a way of "reconnecting", so to speak. But I will related my recent and painful experience to you.

 

Two weeks ago, we had a major fight, after which she told me "we're through". She came by to pick up her dog which I had been taking care of Monday. It was her birthday a week ago Friday, so I emailed her to wish her a happy birthday. She called me at 10 that night and we got together for what ended up being a "booty call". Unfortunately, we didn't resolve all of the awful things that we had said to each other and the hard feelings. While I was hopeful, she emailed me Monday to tell me that Friday was a "HUGE mistake" and that it would be better if we no longer kept in touch. She is probably moving to another state next month.

 

Funny thing is, she invited my sister to go out last night. My sister did go out and I have yet to hear from either one of them. My sister is close to me, and my ex knows this. (Weird thing is, I feel very positive today, like I am certain something good will happen, and I felt good about last Friday also).

 

So be careful about having sex with the ex. Communication, while not always a mood enhancer, is necessary to make certain that feelings don't get mixed up and things don't get too confusing.

[Celadon]

Depends on who suggested it and what their motives are. Some people DEFINITELY just want to have sex without obligations. It's just "fun" while they wait for someone else to come along. Of couse, then it's goodbye to you and hello to the new guy/girl.

 

Other people offer their ex sex as a way of hanging on. But I'm with Gauchori -- a real relationship is deeper than getting off, and having sex is not the same as respect and love.

 

Hm. Now that I think of it, I don't see any good reasons to have sex with the ex. Not on an ongoing basis, that's for sure.

[Finch]

Sex with the ex is a very confusing subject. I think that many girls believe that having sex with the ex will improve their relationship and get back the guy that they previously dated. In many cases, if not most, the guys are simply in it for the sex. Nothing more. That doesn't make them a bad person really.. but it just shows that most of the time men have a different point of few of sex with the ex then women do.

[iceesnowbubble]

i had sex with my ex and we ended up getting together not too long after that...doesn't mean it is common, but it DOES happen...

[CC]

i know most of you did mention that its different for a guy because sex might be all he is asking for, is there any way you can tell? i think he's giving me false hopes

[Celadon]

Thanks for posting. All of what you say is very true for my own life too.

 

Selfishness and fear of being lonely are what motivate a dumper to continue a sex relationship, not your well-being.