Did It Not Work Out?

[Tryptophan]

I'm gonna try to explain all of this as briefly as I can:

 

My ex seemed happier with his best friend than with me. He would spend more time with her than with me, and would "spark-up" around her as he did with me at the beginning of our relationship. I really didn't want to interfere or give him an ultimatum and make him choose between me and her because I knew the problem was jealousy and his unwillingness to do anything about it (at least to at a minimum). The jealousy was really becoming an issue and I didn't want it to go on any further. I brought it up to him at times that it bothered me but he never did anything to change it.

 

I wasn't willing to deal with the disrespect or the lack of motivation to change the situation to make the relationship doable for me. We also kept arguing about other things in general, and after I felt "betrayed"; I wasn't that into him anymore, which led to a lot of indifference and carelessness on my part. At the end, I broke up with him; he agreed. He tried to initiate contact as did I but at one point we just stopped communicating. I think we both learned it was the best for us for all we did was tear at our wounds, and my jealousy just kept getting worse with the "FB Situation" even though we weren't together.

 

The FB Situation is as follows:

 

During the week after the break-up, my ex and the bff start hanging out more (FB and from mutual friends), talking, saying sweet, lovey-dovey things to each other on FB, they both have "Single" (she always was) as their status. Fast forward 2 weeks, and she's put "It's Complicated", whereas he's changed his to blank. They also had posted more pictures together than usual (not as a couple), and that throws me over the roof. It all seemed like they were gonna get together (at this time we were still LC). After we stop talking, they continue their more-than-platonic friendship. We start no-contact at this point (not really NC because I still check his FB).

 

Fast forward a month or so, I check (did it again) and I see she's talking to another guy (who's also her "best friend" and in a relationship) the way she was talking to my ex, and she's changed her status back to "Single". The ex, on the other hand, left his blank. No more lovey-dovey witch each other, no new pictures. They are even less lovey-dovey with each other than they were while he and I were together.

 

Mutual friends usually update me (not at my request), and they all say he's just been "improving himself", and still seems depressed (it's been four months). One of his close friends even said "I think he still loves and misses you". No one really mentioned them two as a couple, so I don't know if they were ever even together.

 

I really don't know what's really going on (and part of me doesn't want to know either). I don't know if she was a rebound, though I don't think so, because they knew each other even before he even knew me.

 

Why would he be so indifferent to me and so happy with her, and once he has the chance to be with her, he doesn't pursue her? I really believed what he wanted was to be with her. I hadn't seen him that happy since a few months back in our relationship. He also seemed so happy with her after the breakup.

 

I let him be (which he seemed to like and approve) so he could be happy and try to be happy on my own, even if it was without him. I went through so much pain with the breakup, and I witnessed him be with her so recent after I breakup. It really hurt me, and I know it was my fault for checking but how could I not wonder if he was really going to run into her arms (which he did).

 

We haven't made any attempts to contact each other, and I know I won't. It practically was a mutual breakup, so I think if he wanted to contact, he knows he could but I don't know why he wouldn't.

 

I still cry nearly everyday, and I don't want him to contact but if what his friend says is true, then why wouldn't he?

 

Any opinions?

[Tanzi]

Maybe it isn't true. At the end of the day all the above is speculation. You dont have any solid proof of anything. It is best not to listen to hearsay or to try to analyse what you simply don't know. All you can do is go with what you do know and what you do know is that your relationship wasn't working and he agreed with you when you ended the relationship ... and so far he hasn't been in contact to try and change that.

 

If you don't want him to contact you then stop trying to work out why he isn't contacting you based on what your friends have told you ... because what they have told you may not be the case and all this analysing is holding you back.

[Tryptophan]

That's true, I mostly needed to vent about the situation. It all seems crazy, it's just yet another reason why I shouldn't be checking his FaceBook in the first place.

[Tanzi]

It certainly is as doing so will not help you at all. You need to block delete and even hide wherever necessary to avoid being able to even see comments he may make on mutual friends posts.

[Tryptophan]

I deactivated (and destroyed) my FB, most of the checking I've done through friends which is terrible but it's so accessible that it's hard not to. It's what we would use to talk when I was at work, school, or anywhere else (FB Chat), so it's also a trigger for memories.

 

I know it's just excuses but I feel in no way strong enough to stay away. I'm busy most of the time now and I have those moments where I need an overload of memories to release the tears. I've been cutting it down (1-minute, once a day) though. Hopefully I'll change my ways soon. Most I've gone is 2 weeks.