Doesn't engaged mean you intend to get married?

[Luciana]

I know exactly what is scaring him:

 

1) We both have strong personalities and fight a lot. Even though there is a lot of passion there also is a lot of conflict. He is a more selfish creature and I do not accept selfish behavior. I am not passive and tell him what I think, straight. With my first husband I always shoved everything under the carpet; with this guy I tell him what I am feeling. It creates a lot more conflict but less resentment.

 

2) We come from different backgounds and countries. He comes from a working class family, I come from a high middle class intelectual family. We have different tastes for food, dress, cultural interests.

 

3) He is scared I will take half his monet like his first wife did.

 

4) He is comfortable just having the milk without buying the cow. Me, the cow, is giving him the milk for free. My fault.

 

5) Because his ex-wife left him and he was madly in love with her and had his dreams of the perfect family shattered, he is now VERY negative and sarcastic about marriage. He always sepaks negatively about it. Red flag for me!

 

See, I know all this. I just can't bring myself to leave him now because I need his income to help me pay for my house and my daughter's College. Without his additional income I would have to eat rice every day to surviev in my government workers salary. So I am trapped. I don't have th means to make this guy marry me (which is LEAVING him, the only way).

[d346]

My word of advice: hit the pavement (or computer, realistically) and find a better living for yourself. idealistic, I know -but maybe this is a wakeup call to see what you could do for yourself if you had to be without him.

 

I'm in similar situation -in my case, my boyfriend still isn't keen on marriage...for similar reasons (except it's his brother who is going through divorce) I have frustrated myself to no end wondering why he isn't eager to marry me, when WILL he propose?, I've hinted I'd leave, etc... but I have found that the best thing I can do is empower myself. I just got a new job, making almost as much as he does (and I don't have any of the debt he has) So I feel pretty good about myself these days. I recommend it to everyone. lol!

[Luciana]

Yes D346, empowering yourself helps, because your self esteem is always hurt by the rejection from a commitment phobic. This way your ego will be higher and he will respect you more.

Empowering yourself can be through a new job, workign towards a new degree, losing weight and looking your best, plastic surgery, a new hobby, a new passion (like a cause, helping the Dems, etc).

 

Even if the new more interesting you doesn't want make him want to commit, at leats YOU will feel better about yourself and may even find someone else-which will make you leave the indecisive guy anyway!