Okay I Want To Put Myself Out There and Move On

[Silverbirch]

Sorry if I'm being a pain for posting to much, but I think I might be turning a corner. I really need to be moving on with my life. I have cried more than I thought humanly possible. I want to go out and enjoy life. I've got some great girlfriends, but not many of them are into going out - they are stay at homes mostly.

 

I've realised too that I don't want to get involved with the first guy who comes along and that I'm going to be a lot more selective the next time around - if it ever happens - that my standards are now a LOT higher, and that I'm going to keep my feet on the ground.

 

I'm not keen on dating sites or the like, and wonder if anyone can advise on the best way to meet new people. I'm open to new and old interests, and interested of course in also meeting women (I'm hetero female) for friendship and outings too. I've thought about photography and language classes.

 

Has anyone found anything particularly helpful for them? Thanks.

[renno]

Hi Silver! I think the best places to meet people are:

 

1) volunteering or attending charity events - This is so easy to do. There are some really awesome people at Habitat for Humanity, and they are always looking for people to help with Cancer charities, dog walks, etc.

2) running/gym. If you can train for a 5k, do it. There are so many people that attend these races, and many of them are looking for a partner to run with. If you don't think you can run in the race, volunteer to pass out water and help set up.

3) coffee shops. Bring your laptop and plan to do a few hours of work at the local coffee shop. There will be all kinds of single people in there doing the same thing!

[twitchyfingers]

Hi Silver,

 

Are you familiar with link removed?

 

link removed

 

I go to a TON of meetups in my local area, geared toward both professional and hobby interests. So far, they've all been worthwhile, and I'm forming friendships through them. I'm not too focused right now on meeting guys through them, but I of course keep my eye open.

 

I should add that I don't go to any of the ones that are specifically singles-oriented. I've heard from other women that the men who attend them are too "on the prowl," but that may not be true in all cases.

[TheJerseyKid]

I know you're not keen on dating sites, but there is one I can highly reccomend. link removed is great if you're between 21-40ish. It's far and away, the best free site out there. It's got e-mail and a built in IM system as well. It's pretty easy to fill out the profile, and there's tons of cool and lifestyle questions you can answer that can help filter your matches. I've been toying with it casually, not taking it too serious, but I have met a few cool people on the site, things just didnt work out for one reason or another. My brother is on the site (he's 39) and has been dating this one girl for about a month he met on there. He REALLY likes this girl and I have a feeling this might be the one for him, he's never talked about a woman like this before. I also know of a few other success stories from various people I know on that site. Just saying, if you want to keep an open mind, its a great site. Much better than plenty of fish, and probably as good as match considering its free. Just some food for thought.

[Silverbirch]

Hey thank you Reno and Twitchy. Twitch, I know what you mean. Don't think I'd like those single ones either. I mean I want to go out and meet people, but I'm not that desperate. I'll check out the link.

[Silverbirch]

Hey thanks TheJersey/ Twitchy, I checked out that site and love it. Only had a quick look, but there's 2 already I'm definitely interested in. One is the Two-Legged Adventurers Club who have a 12kms forest walk planned (64 walkers going and then they stop for lunch), and the other is a movie group. I'll check out more tonight. Thanks again.

[twitchyfingers]

Silver, here is a sample of some of the groups I've gone to:

 

Hiking

Science lectures

Museums

Computer lectures (my profession)

 

Most groups are recurring, so you see some of the same faces over and over, plus newbies. It's dead simple to sign up for events, low commitment (you can often signup the day of), and because the meetups are focused on a shared interest, there is always something to talk about.

 

okcupid requires a strong stomach for us females, but there are good people on it as well as creepers. -- Even for those of us over 40, Jersey! When I'm ready to date again, and have the patience for it, I'll revive my profile. For now, it's too distracting/aggravating.

 

At any rate, I think it's terrific that you are taking this step, Silver. Good for you!

[therebounded]

I actually met the guy who dumped me on OkCupid I'm not discouraging anyone, the opposite in fact, because OkCupid is a great site. Lots of fun tests and the layout of the site looks much cleaner than Plenty of Fish, also gives you daily matches and you can determine how high your match percentage is with someone by taking the tests. I never knew that two weeks' worth of messaging someone would lead to two months of memories I wouldn't trade for the world, even if it ended the way it did.

[JonasWaingaro]

I agree on link removed. I signed up after my BU and it's been great for meeting new folks and getting out and about. Have fun!

 

I totally expected to see you with a Mac (computer). haha

[Silverbirch]

Ha, how did you know I have a Mac????

 

Oh, I'm very grateful for that link Twitch and looking forward to checking it out more. Yeah, I think I'll give okcupid a miss for now, but thanks anyway.

[Bcom]

Glad to hear you are doing better! That gives me hope!

[Yaz]

Start calling people from high school. It's interesting, and occasionally vindicating Don't know how old you are, though.

[Silverbirch]

Hi Yaz, Actually, I did contact somebody from highschool a few months ago, and occasionally in touch through FB, but truly, I can hardly remember people. It's so long ago, and I live so far from where I grew up.

 

Hey thanks Bcom.

[Silverbirch]

Joined a hiking group and looking about to find some groups which meet for dining out and maybe live music venues. Will check it out a bit more first.

 

Hey Yaz, by an amazing co-incidence, I got an email tonight from a guy I went to primary school with who lived in my street when I was growing up. We used to catch the bus home together. I had a sort of crush on him for a long time - I mean it was between the ages of 10 and 12 years old.

[TiredOfGames]

Hey Silver! It sounds like you are doing better. I'm glad to hear it!

 

I'll also say link removed. I went out with a cycling group last Saturday and tonight I'm going running with a, well, running group! I'm hoping to make some friends and I might try some other local groups too. Not sure about the singles groups just yet though. I tried link removed a number of years ago and had zero luck! Perhaps the other sites mentioned here might be better???

 

I hang out at a local coffee shop often too, although with summer now here I'll likely be outside more instead. It's just nice to have other people around, even if they are all strangers!

 

I cycle by myself also, but the only problem I'm finding is that I have too much solo thinking time (even during the group ride). I'm hoping the running group will be more distracting. They finish at a local bar/pub and stop in for a drink, so there will be time to socialize a little too.

 

When will you go for your first hike? That should be a lot of fun!