Said goodbye to the ex... felt good about myself

[DrNick]

My ex is going overseas, and I thought that I would do the right thing and say goodbye. We haven't spoken for about 3 months, as we had a very acrimonious breakup.

 

I toyed with the idea of an email, but that seemed too weak. I went up to her at work and wished her well in person. She was very surprised to see me (speechless in the real sense of the word). I simply wished her well and left it at that... no talk about relationships, no suggestion that I wanted anything, just a quick word and a smile. I paused briefly to see whether she had anything to say, but she didn't say anything, she just nodded and got a little emotional (in fact, I thought she almost had tears in her eyes, I think she got a little choked up at the fact that I made the gesture). I walked off calmly with a friendly smile. The look on her face was a mixture of shock, fear (probably thinking I'd raise our r'ship) and happiness at the fact that I made the gesture. I walked away a confident man... I'd achieved closure after all these months.

 

Her reaction suggested that she still had feelings for me. Sure, she doesn't trust me and she is probably struggling with her own feelings towards me, but today was a big step towards some sort of truce between us. She is good at hiding her emotions when she is ready for something (eg. if she knew she'd see me, she would have built up a cool shield), but when I caught her off guard, she was completely human. Funnily enough, while normally I would have gone to pieces and starting talking about "us", today I was supremely calm and walked away happy with what I'd achieved. After all this time, I've finally realised that you can't treat relationships like an on/off switch. You need to build them slowly. Hopefully I can keep in touch and start to build the friendship again. Being distant will make it easier, as she will not feel any pressure to interact with me.

[Ated]

Im sooo happy for u.

 

[MrMikeWikowski]

Good on you DrNick.

 

It sounds like you are making good progress. The distance will help things I am sure. Although it sounds like you have made good progress yourself, and regained a lot of your strength.

 

I wish the best for. But think that you are on the right track,and should just keep going that way.

 

Mike

[DrNick]

Thanks Ated and Mike for the encouraging words. As an update, I saw her again today! I got the date she was leaving wrong... she is at work today. I ran into her and while I thought about saying hello, I didn't. I just smiled at her. I didn't feel the need to interact with her, which was refreshing. Normally I'd be bursting out of my skin, wanting to talk to her and getting myself into a lather. The fact that I can take it or leave it suggests to me that I have finally moved on.

[Ated]

WOW! Thats good! Inspiring. I wish i could do that! Just smile. He doesnt even deserve that much!

 

*sigh* the day i finally move on will come! Erica... You gotta be strong! hehe

[DrNick]

Hey Ated, nice to see another Aussie here. Moving on is always the most difficult thing to do, but eventually we all get there. You should take this time to concentrate on you. I know it's difficult to stop thinking about him, but if you spend time doing enjoyable things, you will find that every day becomes a little easier. Also, try to go out with friends a lot. Part of the problem with breaking up is the loneliness that you feel. Before you were with someone 24/7, and suddenly there is a big gap in your life. Sometimes what we think is love for someone else is simply loneliness. Good luck Feel free to message me if you want to talk about anything.

[Ated]

thanks drnick! hehe

 

Yeah its been 3.5 motnhs already, so ive been ok. The thing is, 3 months, we did NC and i was GREAT, then all of a sudden he comes back into my life.... popping everywhere! Then i find out he's with a girl for a month already. Which makes me feel worthless and really damaged my self esteem?

 

oh well... gotta look up!

[DrNick]

Yeah, it's always a blow when you find out the other person is going out with someone else. You have to remember that it is not a competition. If you really want to, there is always someone you could go out with at this very moment. But wouldn't you rather wait a little longer and find someone who you actually like? He's probably on the rebound, and the relationship won't last long. That will leave him with even more heartache. Trust me, I know... I went into a rebound relationship and it really screwed with me.

[DrNick]

Friday was a weird day. A few people commented on the fact that I had wished my ex luck when she left. I didn't think it was unusual, but others found it strange.

 

Generally, most people took my side during the breakup, so they cannot see why I'm trying to be friendly. Am I the only person who doesn't hold a grudge for years on end? Surely life is too short to spend your time hating other people?

 

Some people at work were doing their best to fuel tension between us, so that fireworks would ensue. If I'd realised that earlier, I would have started to be nice to her before she left. I think it's sad that other people need to interfere with people's lives for their own amusement. Oh well, live and learn

[DrNick]

To go off on a tangent, a mutual friend (ie. a friend of mine and a friend of the ex) has been asking me a lot of questions lately about the ex, and has also been casually talking about the ex. Does this mean anything? Is she trying to get us back together?

 

Yesterday I felt like saying "I'm over (the ex), why do you keep talking about her?" The friend in question is not normally a b*tchy or gossipy person, so why is she doing this?

 

I don't mind talking about the ex occasionally, but it seems that she wants to talk about the ex every time we're together. She keeps telling me how the ex is lonely and upset, and that is what prompted her move overseas. OK, that's all fine, but I tried to extend friendship to the ex and she rejected me, so I'm not going to make a fool of myself and try again. Any thoughts on what is provoking this behaviour?