The Beach (Letter)

[Captainmidnigh]

It’s 3AM, and here I am almost 2 years later to the day.... Sitting alone on this lonely beach. The same beach where we went out on our third date, where we had a picnic, drank some wine, and ran through the water together like two kids in love, like something out of a cheap romance novel. This is same beach where I began to fall in love with you. Where we began our journey together. I’m sitting here like we once did, but it's not the same as before... It's so lonely, desolate and quiet, not like it once was. The waves, they're taunting me, like they know. The beach is so cold and oh so unwelcoming.

 

I sit here thinking, afraid to go home. Afraid to go back to sleep. Afraid to wake up. Sitting here, asking the same questions over and over. Questions that I don’t have the answers to, questions I may never have the answers to. I know I’m just tormenting and exhausting myself by running through my head over and over, trying to figure it all out. But I can’t help it. Should I try to move on? I can’t, I don’t want to...I don't want to fade away.

 

I know soon I will head home, back to my now empty bed. I’ll go and smoke one more cig before I finally lay down, trying to sleep. And I know as I lay motionless, I’ll just dream and prey for you to come through that door like you use to, and you’ll come lay down next to me, tell me you love me and missed me. I’ll wrap my arms around you, holding you tight and kissing you and we'll fall asleep like old and I’ll finally wake up, wake up from this nightmare like nothing ever happened. I’ll dream and prey, knowing it won’t happen.

 

I keep on telling myself one more day, I wish I had one more day or one more hour or one more minute with you. Just one more minute of looking at you or one more embrace or one more kiss or just one more moment feeling your presence. I know that's not true though. One more will never be enough with you.

 

I don't remember being so selfishly happy as I was when I was with you. It knocks the wind out of me how in just days of being with you could suddenly make the world without you be so unfamiliar. Everything is exactly the same as it once was before you. Same bed, same route, same people, same work but somehow it's different.

 

“They” keep telling me to pick myself up, each day will get easier. Just go out and keep busy, and even to just go get laid. I keep busy but the moments when I am alone it all comes flooding back like the unwelcoming waves on this ocean beach. And how can I go out and get laid. It feels like I’m cheating on you, cheating myself. It won’t help. Trying to fill that huge empty void with meaningless sex isn’t going to do it. Nothing can do it but maybe time itself.

 

And maybe they’re right, maybe each day may get easier. Maybe the day will finally come when I'll wake up and I won't look over to see if you're there, one day I'll wake up and I won’t think it was all a bad dream, one day the tears will stop flowing from my eyes, one day I will stop hurting, one day I won’t wake up and feel the anger over everything that has transpired. And maybe one day I will be learn how to love someone else and let myself go again but I also know I'll never love anyone as much as I did love you.

 

I feel like destiny is laughing in my face, like our story got cut short. Maybe it didn't, maybe fate brought us together, only to rip us apart. But it feels like it, there's so many things I had planned, so many things I wanted to do, so many questions I had, so much I wanted to tell you, so much I wanted to experience with you. Maybe fate will bring us back together one day….or maybe in 2 days or 2 weeks or 2 months or 2 years or even 2 decades. .. Maybe the day will come. It'll be like we never left. We’ll come back to this same beach, and we’ll run around through the sand like the kids we once were.

 

In the meantime, I’ll just try to keep pushing myself and keep busy. Try to push myself further and further, harder and harder. Try to find out what I am made of. Try to stay strong, but also vulnerable because I have to be. I have accepted what has happened and grow. Just keep my mind free, grow and experience who I am and what this life, my life, is all about.

 

You know, for that hour to two hours when play basketball or football, I focus on myself and lose myself. For that hour to two hours I am fully excused for not caring about anything else in the world but my own body. Just to focus on my breathing. Just putting one foot in front of the other. Focus on running, making the shot, jumping up and grabbing the rebound. It gives me an excuse to yell, to curse, to push, and even to even cry. It gives me that excuse I need to live.

 

I’ll keep strong. I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I need to do and what changes I need to make. I figure that this is the life I need to re-adjust to. I just need to find the energy, the appetite, and the patience. No matter how strange it feels, I need to find my courage to live this life again. I will keep on missing you, I am sure of that. I am longing for you so bad it pierces my skin and shatters what's left of this heart. Maybe I will just remind myself to breathe in and breathe out as steadily as possible and wait for the day until it comes naturally again.

 

It is hard though...to go back and leave that place. I miss all the trivial things about you…like the lines of your tattoo, the way you fall asleep with her head on my stomach, the way you snore and take up the entire bed, you little mannerisms. Of course I miss the much bigger things as well.

 

And I do love you; I do love you with all my heart like I always have. I do await the day we may be together again like we never left. My love for you will last a lifetime my love. But for now, it's time to head back to that same car, take that long empty drive back home, make my way back to the same home, take that one last smoke and make my way back to the same, now empty bed so I can lay my head down and dream. Where I may finally sleep. Where I may begin to finally wake up.

 

This beach will always wait for us my love.

[Danny77]

Oh god.

What a beatuiful letter.

Keep this my friend.

For you will look back on it one day and, although happy at this time, will remember the power of loss and the wonderful thing it really is to have loved and lost.

 

When the movie is over, we don't sit there in darkness and wait for more.

We get up, gather our things, and leave the theatre.

 

That beach has probably seen many wonderful things.

Many people in love, running like children.

But the beach moves on too.

Washing away the footprints with the waves.

I hope you can too.

[Voila]

This is a beautiful letter... it brings anyone that reads it lovely memories, I am sure. I hope you hear from your love soon, or if not, that you may be able to move past all this torment soon enough. That you find a new love whom you can create more beautiful memories, and whom you can dedicate poetry to.

Just Lovely...

Voila