Can't believe I'm posting a "Meeting with the Ex" thread...

[TheJerseyKid]

As the title states, I am meeting with my ex, tomorrow night (tonight if you're on the east coast like me). She broke 2+ months of NC via a text this afternoon, we ended up exchanging a few more. She called me tonight while on her way home, spoke briefly for about 10 minutes, random banter about her night and a little about what shes been up to. I ended the call.

 

So the plan is to meet up with her tomorrow night in her part of the city to have a few drinks. She is under the presumption that I have another co-worker I intend to meet up with about 2 hours after we meet up. I'm using this as my escape plan, basically if it is not going well, it gives me an already known reason to leave. It also makes it seem like I'm not going out of my way to meet up with her, as I'd already be in town to see my friend anyway, and puts her under a false time constraint which will make her basically cut the b.s. and get straight to the point hopefully.

 

She was already trying to get me to come earlier than I had told her, and basically gave the impression she was pretty damn eager to see me, so I think it's going to go well. It's worth mentioning that she is leaving for europe (not sure when exactly, but within the next 1-2 weeks) and going to be gone a month or two. It's likely we won't be in much contact even if things go "well" so it'll give us more time to think and really digest whatever happens. I like this because if I am going to even remotely re-consider, it'll force us to take things SLOW and really put things to the test, so I feel better honestly knowing that she's going to be gone for a while.

 

I know many of you are probably shocked, some probably less than others (those who have been in my position before). To those of you wondering the answer is yes, it did happen when I really gave up all hope. I've been out dating, meeting new people, taking much more care and control of my life, trying new things. I finally stopped giving her any real serious thought about 3-4 weeks ago, and was under the assumption she was with someone else, and in no way interested in seeing me again. I think I moved on really fast because of the strict NC from the moment we broke up.

 

All I'm really expecting out of this is a friendly meet up, where we can catch up, have a few laughs, and just see how the other person is doing. Anything that happens after that, I'll consider a bonus, and when she leaves for europe, I'll be right back to my game and will have even more time to digest everything.

[Oneironaut]

Good luck, I hope your meeting with her goes smoothly. Let us know how it turns out.

[xhanib24]

If you don't mind me asking, how did things end between you two? Sounds like you have some hope of rekindling this deep down. I do wish you the best. From a female perspective, it seems as though she is thinking of you. I don't really see why she would contact you otherwise, especially since there has been strict NC, as you said. Whatever the case, I wish you the best.

[jungledrums]

I followed your other thread where you logged all the days of your NC because I'm going thru the same situation. It's almost been about 2 months and I've progressed so much. I really feel I am over her and have accepted that she may never contact me again.

 

I've dated other girls and I'm really having fun being single again. I know receiving a call from her would surprise me as it did to you, but like I said, I'm not counting on it. And perhaps that's when they will call. Funny how it always seems to work that way.

 

Good luck with your meeting and let us know how it went.

[nattpanter]

Keep you guard up and your heart soft! Good luck

[Jeffrey01]

Classic... it's just like that line in Swingers - 'somehow they just know to come back when you don't want them anymore.'

 

In your case, if you do still want her, I hope your meet goes smoothly. It sounds like you've got the right attitude going in.

[CMS]

let us know how it went boss

[endy]

GL Jersey... you know what you're doing. You'll be fine either way.

[MakeItCount]

The suspense is almost killing me

[TheJerseyKid]

Just got home from work, about to hit the shower and head over there, looking forward to posting my field report tomorrow. Have a good night all.

[TheJerseyKid]

Well I'm back. I will say overall the meet up went good, but let me get a few things out of the way first. We did not hook up. We did not discuss any possibility of reconcilation, if anything, we did the opposite. We both agreed (and let me be real with myself here, I do agree with this) that even though when things were good for us, we are both toxic to each other and better off without each other. We talked about what we've been up, some of the places shes gone, what I've been up to, etc. We talked a bit about how dating is hard and really sucks, talked a bit about what our future relationships might be like with other people. If anything, this was more closure than anything. It's dead. We've broken up 3 times, got back together twice, and shes right, we really are toxic to each other. I will admit, I am a bit disapointed, not because reconcilation was brought up, and I'm gonna be honest here, I'm disapointed because I really, really, really, really wanted to have sex. Shallow, but w/e. It's been 2 months, and the sexual chemistry that we have is far away the best I've had with any other woman, so hopefully you can understand where I am coming from when I say this. We both spoke very maturely, and it was nice to see we could both handle talking about each other and other people without either of us getting overly emotional. I guess this closes that chapter for good, we agreed to remain in touch, whatever that means. I'm getting close to the point where I'd be ok with her dating someone else, if not already, so I don't think a friendship is unrealistic in the future for us. Bottom line is, I psyched myself up a bit too much running all sorts of sexual fantasies through my head all day so I was thoroughly disapointed that that did not happen. Other than that it went well.

[TheJerseyKid]

Wow... she just texted me to invite me over to have sex.. pretty much straight up LOL. TURNING IT DOWN. WHOS THE MAN NOW?!

[AC Slater]

hahahahaha awesome jersey. well done mate, sounds like you've got it all under control. keep on rolling and don't have sex with her!

[TheJerseyKid]

Well some of you are going to be a little disappointed in me. Yes, I did initially turn down her offer for sex, it was 1:15am, I had work at 7am, and I had just gotten home from her place, and that would mean driving all the way back, finding parking, etc. So basically I had suggested to her that we reschedule for another time, where I don't have work, or we have more time basically. She basically said "Well this wasn't even on my mind tonight but somehow you got me thinking, and I'm kind of ready now." I took that as "there is a good chance I'll change my mind if I really have time to think about it." That was all I needed to hear, needless to say, I made it from my house, to the front door of her apartment in literally, 30 minutes. We made small talk for about 5 minutes, then got down to business.

 

She was in a brand new VS neglige and was looking sexy as ever. Without getting overly graphic I will say it was easily top 3 best sex I've ever had in my life. It was purely animalistic, lust driven, un-adulterated pure sex. It was f'n amazing. I will spare you the graphic details, but we basically came to the conclusion that this is in all likely hood the last time that will happen, or at least for a while, so why not make it count? We both know if this is something we engage in even semi-regularly it's going to lead to more, or one, or both of us getting hurt, we both know we don't want that. So we're both going to remain in LC for the future and I plan to keep continue leading my life the way I have been. I'm honestly not any more hopeful toward a reconciliation, so I don't think I was set back much at all. If anything, I think the idea of a reconciliation looks even slimmer than it had been, and I'm OK with that. If that's the last time I see her for a long time or forever, I can go out on a happy note. Knowing that we still obviously have feelings/care about each other and our last time together was absolutely spectacular. It's just a matter of us not being good for each other in a relationship. As I said, I can accept that.

[Live-N-Learn]

Hey Jersey, just saw this post and read the whole thing. Man, my emotions were all over the place. I was shocked, then happy for you then sad then happy again! lol I am glad it ended like it did bro. Could have been a lot worse. Put a smile on my face.

[TheJerseyKid]

It seems we've reached a point of mutual understanding. It's not that we don't like/love/have strong feelings for each other, we both basically have admitted that. The issue is that, given where I am now in life, given where she is now in life, the two of us, at this point in time, are not compatible. I think we've both kind of mentally left the door open for way down the road. I hate it when I hear people say "I'm so over my ex, that's the past." Yeah, your relationship was in the past, all that means is that you were not compatible in the PAST. Who's to say that 2-5 years down the line, we both wont be at completely different spots in life, come accross each other, and the possiblity of a get together might be there. I think we BOTH have to go on, live our lives with out each other, meet other people, "fall in love" with other people, and see what happens before we'll ever have a shot again. She said to me "We tried 3 times, I think we gave it a pretty good shot", and honestly, I agree with her. Is it sad? Yes, in a way its very sad. That two people who obviously have strong feelings and a deep bond can be so attracted, so close, and yet still not be compatible together.

 

Like I said in my post above, I can move on knowing that knowing no matter what, we both will always have some feelings for each other, just that the situation/circumstances are not right (currently) for us to be together. We'll probably be in touch every so often. I don't have to look at things in the "NC" sense, because I'm not trying to move on and heal, and I'm not trying to get her back. The situation is, what it is.

 

It's sad/happy/tragic all rolled into one. Where is Shakespere when you need him?

 

edit: Would like to add something, the way my ex has handled everything, post break up, and including our meet up friday night/saturday morning has been truly mature. She hasn't given me one single mixed signal or tiny shard of hope, or at all tried to keep me on her "hook" or within her grasp. Even though we slept together, I told her I was OK with the notion that it would in all likelyhood be the last time we ever did that, and it would be much easier to leave things on a "happy" note rather than the memory of our previous last evening together. I've got to say, the ability to do that, and not communicate any false hope or trying to keep me on the back burner to stroke her ego, shows a level of maturity that most adults don't ever reach.

[Live-N-Learn]

I'm happy for you Jersey, it sounds like you have a good grasp on where you guys are really at. I personally could not handle this same ending with my ex if it came up but your situation is different. You already tried 3 times, I never got a second chance only fwb's and a lot of head games.

 

I hope you really can move on and date others in time and like you said..who knows what will happen in the future. My only concern is that I know you understand all this in your head and you are feeling good about everything right now because you were just with her. As time goes on this may change and you will start missing her again and that is when you will truly find out if you are ok with everything.

 

I remember after sleeping with my ex after we broke up I felt great for like 2 days. Then I started missing her and the good feelings went away and I was back to square one cuz I knew we were not getting back together. It kept me stuck. I still miss her like crazy even though I know she is bad for me. What I mean is I miss the great sex we were totally compatible in bed.

[TheJerseyKid]

I have thought about that, it is on my mind, but I think I am going to be ok. The reason I think I'm going to be fine is as I sit here today, I know, we are not going back together anytime within say the next two years. She's talking about possibly moving 6+ hours away in the fall for grad school, I told her I think its a great idea for her to really get out of the city and experience new things. I think I am going to miss her reguardless, I mean even though I've been feeling good the past month, I still technically missed her. Now I think I find comfort in the fact knowing she misses me, but I really have accepted the fact we just simply can't be together at this point in time.

[Live-N-Learn]

I hear what you are saying. But you are still holding onto hope for the possible future. This may hold you back. You saw the last email my ex sent me a week ago saying how much she cared about me and that she missed me terribly but did not want to get back with me. Knowing she missed me and it hurt her that I could not be in her life did bring me some comfort but on the other hand makes me feel worse.

 

I guess knowing they care about us is better than not knowing. Either way the end result for now is the same. They are not with us and we have to move on with our lives. I hold out no hope that her and I will ever be together again but I can see why you can hold out at least the possibility that you both might be in the future. Just try not to let this hold you back from moving on for now at least. It's gonna be hard because of the way the door was left open for the future. Best of luck to you my friend.

[TheJerseyKid]

You are right in a lot of the sense... The thing is, I wouldn't say I'm holding onto hope. In fact, I think its far likelier that one or both of us find someone, and end up in a long term committed relationship, possibly marriage. It didn't end for any real permanent reason, or any major incident. I've been out actively dating, living my life, and honestly hoping I can find someone new. That doesn't mean that I'm closing the other door for good, it's just far, far out of view. Perhaps one day to open again, perhaps just be left ever so slightly cracked. Only time will tell.

[Live-N-Learn]

Ok, just making sure bro. At least you have a great last memory and you guys are parting on good terms. Neither of you seem to be trying to get the other back right now so it all sounds good I'm happy for you.

[TheJerseyKid]

Ok, just making sure bro. At least you have a great last memory and you guys are parting on good terms. Neither of you seem to be trying to get the other back right now so it all sounds good I'm happy for you.

 

Thanks for all the kind words and support over the past year+, in a way it's kind of refreshing that the situation has officially come to a close for the foreseeable future. There is just something about the way I feel right now about the situation that's different. It really feels like that chapter is closed, and the other night, just kind of helped solidify that fact. This is the first time I've ever had a relationship kind of end this way. Most of mine have gone the way of most of the break ups on these boards. Somehow I think a part of me knew from the moment we started dating, that I would not, and could not be with this girl forever. Something always told me that from day 1. I of course, ignored it pretty much the entire time, because the rest of our chemistry was so good and unlike anything else I've ever had (and mind you, I had had a 4 year relationship, and other various length relationships previously). In a way I felt like I knew this day always had to come. Don't ask why, I don't think I can put my finger on that quite right now, but like I said, from Day 1 I always had this weird reservation about marrying her. Oddly enough, now that I've seen the very mature and adult side of her, if she continues her growth and plans the way she described to me the other night, several years from now, she would certainly have the things I am looking for in a wife. So essentially, it is possible, but that's a truck load of "what if's" and there's also distinct chances that other parts of her personality and character change that would possibly even become more of a dividing force.

[CMS]

As always, you are an inspiration to us all

[Brownstone322]

I will spare you the graphic details, but we basically came to the conclusion that this is in all likely hood the last time that will happen, or at least for a while, so why not make it count?

Betcha money it happens again.

[MakeItCount]

Hey that's my name! Haha dudei wish I coud get a last bang

in with the ex. I'd wreck her