Is it right for me to feel hurt?

[ScorpGrl72]

I am not sure if I have the right to feel upset or hurt, but here is the situation.

 

Saturday is my boyfriends' birthday and we live 1 1/2 hrs apart. Last Friday I told him I wasn't sure if I would be able to work things out so we could spend the weekend together for his birthday, as I was away in a different state visiting my sister and would let him know when I returned if I would be able to spend the weekend with him. Told him if not, we could spend Sunday together. Now, last night I finally was able to get it worked out so my weekend was free to spend with him for his birthday. I thought I would surprise him with the good news, so I called him. Turns out, that after all this, he had already made plans for Saturday as he didn't think I was able to get things worked out for the weekend to be ours. I got upset and hurt because I felt he couldn't wait two days after I returned from my trip to get my answer for him. Do I have a right to feel hurt or upset, or should I just let it go and try for another weekend? He tried to rearrange his plans after I told him not to, as he already had the plans, but he tried and wasn't able to. Now, when we talk on the phone we are silent and kind of withdrawn from each other. I know I am upset for not being able to spend his birthday with him as this is the first birthday he has had since we have been together. I know I just need to let it go, but it just sucks that we can't be together on his birthday like I was hoping to. I wanted to turn it into a special day for him as he has hated his birthdays in the past.

[Dezeard]

Maybe be upset, but not hurt. It's alright don't worry. Just talk to him about it.

[ClareMsUK]

hi, i'd feel hurt too, is there no way to include you in the plans? i can't see what would be so important that you could not join him. I know its not all his fault, he was maybe gonna be faced with spending his birthday alone however i would expect my partner to at least offer to spend a part of the day with me, i.e breakfast or something. im sorry i can't be of much help. you will know yourself if he is genuinely dissappointed that you will not be spending the day together, and then by all means give him a great time the following weekend, good luck x

[OhJeeeez]

I'd say that you should at least stop by and leave him something, a surprise. Do it while he is sleeping and leave it on his door step. That way you can show that you aren't upset, that you are giving him his space and that even though you can't spend his b-day with him, you still care.

 

I wouldn't be hurt at all. If the girl Im dating didn't know if she would be able to spend it with me and I got the impression that she wouldnt, Id make other plans. Even though could now make it, he tried to change them, "FOR YOU". You need to take that as a hint and not be upset.

 

On another note, you sound like a very, very sweet girlfriend.

[ScorpGrl72]

Thanks for the quick replies. I know he wants to spend it with me, but just didn't think I'd be able to. I guess I was hoping it wasn't too late, and it was. I will just have to wait until next weekend, but I wanted to spend it with him this weekend. We just don't get to spend much time together, so it is a little hard on both of us when we find out we could have spent this weekend together. Oh well, just wasn't meant to happen this weekend.

 

 

Also, thanks to the poster who said that it sounds like I am a very sweet girlfriend. I hope he feels the same way.

[kungfumaster]

Hello ScorpGrl72,

 

Don't be too upset. As one of the posters said, he was faced with the prospect of being alone on his bday, and he had the feeling from you that you wouldn't be able to make it - but he did try to change his plans after he found out you were coming. Yah - why can't you just spend a bit of Saturday with him, or with his friends?? Then you guys can have all of Sunday together, and if that's not enough, just postpone until the next weekend.

 

I remember when I was in an LDR (16hrs apart), we just postponed important things until we could see each other again.

 

Yah - don't get too upset. It is hard enough to be in an LDR, so don't sweat the things that go wrong unintentionally, i.e., when both of you had good intentions. I know that was my mistake in my failed LDR. So don't let the same thing happen to you!

 

Take care,

Kung fu

[i_hate_the_world47]

Hi,

I think you have a right to feel hurt.You probably worked hard to get that weekend off.But i am sure your b/f didnt really understand how much it meant to you.Just talk to him about it and i am sure things will work out.

 

~Meagan~

[ScorpGrl72]

Well, we talked last night and I told him instead of us both talking about it constantly and saying how upset we were we didn't get to spend his birthday together, to just say right then how we felt and not bring it back up again. Then we also made the plans and are spending the next weekend together, and he promises he will keep the entire weekend open for us to spend together. It makes us feel better that we will still get to spend the time together, but just one week later after his birthday.

 

Compromise, ........... but.....we are still happy!

[kungfumaster]

Good for you guys ScorpGrl - communication is key - you have to tell your partner how you are feeling and vise versa. Compromise too - that's essential in any relationship, especially though for a long distance relationship.

 

I have been in my fair share of long distance relationships, and I have seen my friends being in long distance relationships. One of them who is currently on his 3rd year of an LDR - and I've seen lots of compromises - including one where my friends girlfriend couldn't even make it on his birthday, but she had a legit reason (work related). They are still going strong - and I hope you guys will too.

 

And hey -the fact that you're spending the next weekend together is all that really counts right? - and hey, just pretend next weekend is his REAL birthday - who says we have to celebrate on that day.

 

I'm routing for you guys!!

 

Have fun and take care.

Kung fu