can you make a come back from the desperate zone undamaged?

[ned2010]

i like many did the whole desperate i want you back thing, and text her alot, and basically trying everything to get her back, which pretty much failed, and that went on for about 2 months

 

now i know that i should of done the complete opposite but stupid me i did the first thing that popped into my head and thats chase her for ages and probably made me look weak

 

is there a way to come back from this with dignity and still stand a chance of a possible get back together?

 

we havent been talking since mid febuary this year, and recently she has shown some jealousy on facebook which suprised me after so long

[TheBlackDahlia]

Honestly, the only thing you can do is give her space. There's nothing you can do to make someone come back. If there's a point where she regrets her decision, she'll contact you.

 

You just have to let go. I know it's really hard, and I'm going through the same thing.

[Kailynn]

Nothing is impossible. Just like time makes you feel better, it does the same for them. If their was love in a relationship it won't go away overnight but, it will surface if there's a chance at making things right.

 

As perspective, I dated a guy for 8 months. He dumped me and I begged, cried on the phone, texted constantly and so on. Eventually, he told me we wouldn't get back together. I left him alone and one month NC later he's calling me to "hear my voice". Soon after he wanted me back. This guy wasn't good for me so I turned him down but, 4 years later he's still trying. The point is, I did everything I wasn't supposed to and I got a second chance.

[AutumnBorn]

Ned, I think the only thing you can do now is what I learned from Uncoupling and Al Turtle's blog - you have to agree with your ex and make the relationship sound even worse than your ex did and express your relief that it's over. I'd email something like:

 

Hey, (insert ex's name here), I wanted to apologize for my behavior these past couple of months. It was completely uncalled for, I realize now. As it turns out, our breaking up was the best thing for both of us. You had more insight than I, and I should have trusted in your judgment. Time and distance have been a blessing - it just hit me how dysfunctional we were and it's amazing we lasted as long as we did. I hope you feel as lighthearted and free as I do. Thanks for everything. I had a great time. Take care of yourself, Ned

 

 

Then, the only logical thing to do is disappear and start working on yourself. She'll contact you in a couple of months if she thinks you're really gone.

[dramallama]

Nothing is impossible. Just like time makes you feel better, it does the same for them. If their was love in a relationship it won't go away overnight but, it will surface if there's a chance at making things right.

 

As perspective, I dated a guy for 8 months. He dumped me and I begged, cried on the phone, texted constantly and so on. Eventually, he told me we wouldn't get back together. I left him alone and one month NC later he's calling me to "hear my voice". Soon after he wanted me back. This guy wasn't good for me so I turned him down but, 4 years later he's still trying. The point is, I did everything I wasn't supposed to and I got a second chance.

I think you're the exception though. Bottom line, desperation is unattractive. But having the confidence to accept someone's decision and to walk away with your head held high is always attractive.

[dramallama]

ned - if you want to keep your dignity make an effort to move on. Do whatever it takes to get over her if she doesn't want to be with you (which she doesn't), even if it means deleting and blocking her from facebook. That is attractive. Become confident for yourself, not just the appearance of being confident.

[Kailynn]

It's possible im an "exception" but, it's unlikely anyone really gets broken up with and says "oh yeah, totally cool with me. Later ex-boyfriend!" Theres always some degree of begging or pleading, even for just a little while. If it ruined your chances no one would get back with their exes and that's clearly not the case.