How to tell if the ex will come back

[Eocsor]

Seriously, who the hell knows? No one on here thats for sure. You can do No contact, you can go limited contact, you can work on yourself and your issues, you can try and show them you've become a better person, you can win the lottery and become a millionaire. Will it help? No one on here has the slightest idea. No one can predict your future. No one knows what the e-mail they sent you really means. No one knows whether their rebound will last. No one knows if their request to be friends is a good thing or a bad thing.

 

The only one that knows for sure is your ex(and even they might not know) and odds are they aren't imparting that information to you. You want to keep on trying to reconcile? Go for it if that makes you happy. Odds are all it will do is lead to a world of hurt and misery but it's your life, you're an adult and you can make your own decisions.

 

So what do you do? Let it go, work on your own life for you and get on with living. Lifes short and it waits for no man or woman. Do you really want to spend the next x amount of time waiting on something you have absolutely no control over? I know it's hard but the key to happiness is the ability to let go. If reconciliation is something they want it will happen even if you do ignore them. Take the time to heal and get yourself into a healthy place. Stop waiting for something that likely won't happen.

[dramallama]

Great post. The best thing for dumpees to do is genuinely move on (not just giving the appearance of moving on) and in the end it won't matter if they come back or not. Don't even ask yourself whether they will come back because it just takes up energy that could be put elsewhere. It's natural to grieve for what you've lost, but don't dwell on it and work yourself up.

[askltk]

Spot on - now to listen to what's been said!

[longdist]

Exactly. I accidentally posted almost the same thing. Why worry so much about something you can't control. Only you can create happiness for yourself and only you can create pain for yourself. It seems like an easy decision, not an easy implementation, but an easy decision.

[endy]

All goes back to the serenity prayer...

 

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

 

The above is the best thing for YOU, and the best way to build strength and be a better person. IF it's going to happen, it will find a way no matter what you do. Trying to reconcile to me is a joke pretty much. Especially before you get to the point you've moved on completely and are happy with yourself. What is the point if you have not learned anything or grow to become a stronger better person? Not that I don't understand people's wants and desires. But that's specifically what it is most of the time.

[MakeItCount]

It would be wonderful if it were this easy. I think both you and I know that when you're super emotional after a break up, all you want to know is HOW to get them back. You over analyze, you interpret dreams to mean something they most certainly do not. Some even see psychics to get a glimpse of hope. It is what it is, and until people have gone through a few breakups, they won't know what's the best thing to do.

 

Like you and llama said, you have to keep your life moving and not worrying about them. Most of the time, it's things you DON'T do rather than things you do that'll have the greatest chance of getting them back. Do nothing. Work on yourself. Gain your self-esteem and self-respect back. No one person should have the power to make you feel that miserable.

[Slimpee]

All goes back to the serenity prayer...

 

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

 

The above is the best thing for YOU, and the best way to build strength and be a better person. IF it's going to happen, it will find a way no matter what you do. Trying to reconcile to me is a joke pretty much. Especially before you get to the point you've moved on completely and are happy with yourself. What is the point if you have not learned anything or grow to become a stronger better person? Not that I don't understand people's wants and desires. But that's specifically what it is most of the time.

 

My mom gave me that prayer after my ex went NC...i've prob said it a thousand times over the past four months. Great post!

[Success]

Right on!

 

And even if your ex said to you directly, "I want you back", knowing how ex's are that may mean absolutely nothing.

[laxster]

Some good advice here...

 

BUT...

 

some of us really are in odd places with our exes which may or may not be salvageable.

 

For instance, most times I've preferred to have a clean break. Put it all in the past, and not see that person anymore. And yet... once in awhile there's a special someone whom you feel like there is still a connection there. The person still wants to keep you in their lives, but gives odd indicators as to what degree they want you in.

 

Is anyone here a mind-reader? Probably not. But it's helps to clarify my own thoughts by typing them down. And it helps to read other people's commentary to understand what might be going on.

[endy]

It really DOES depend on the situation and people. What went down etc laxster. When I see certain situations that's when I repeat myself a lot. A lot of it is generic, but I really do try to treat everyones situation as unique. I am not a mind reader, and there can always be a connection there. A lot of times though that connection can't get your through the relationship. It takes work, and if you don't know how to do the work properly you need to learn how to. You do that gernally by being single and growing.

[Eocsor]

Some good advice here...

 

BUT...

 

some of us really are in odd places with our exes which may or may not be salvageable.

 

For instance, most times I've preferred to have a clean break. Put it all in the past, and not see that person anymore. And yet... once in awhile there's a special someone whom you feel like there is still a connection there. The person still wants to keep you in their lives, but gives odd indicators as to what degree they want you in.

 

Is anyone here a mind-reader? Probably not. But it's helps to clarify my own thoughts by typing them down. And it helps to read other people's commentary to understand what might be going on.

 

People have to do in life what they have to do. We are all adults here and all able to make up our minds whats the best thing for us. You do the best you can and at the end of the day you hope you can live with whats happened.

 

Just be honest with yourself about what you can and can't deal with in life. I've seen too many sad situations over the years where people delude themselves about what they can accept in order to maintain contact with an ex. It's not pretty and it's often tragic.

[ferna3069]

i was about to answer with the same thing, jaja , i thought u where asking a question. i was going to say no one can tell the future