Can someone explain what a rebound relationship is and give advice?

[CrazyMiner]

Hi all,

 

I've read a bit about rebound relationships on LS but, if I'm honest, don't really understand what they are or the psychology/idea behind them.

 

Basically, I found out this evening from a joint friend that my ex GF of 8 years who broke up with me 2 months ago is seeing someone. They have only seen each other once but she is planning on seeing him again for a second time and has let her closest friends in on the secret.

 

Is this a rebound? I suppose it's hard to tell. But do people who have rebounds tend to just jump into bed with someone or can they 'date' as seems to be happening in this case and it still be a rebound?

 

It's a bit upsetting to hear but she did say she wanted to sort of find herself and try dating different people. Some insights would be appreciated into whether this sounds like a rebound or something different.

[broadspectrum]

Rebound is a label. My ex of 3 years basically had her next bf picked out before we were done and she's still with him like 9 months later.

[endy]

Not a rebound until there is some sort of commitment. A rebound is using someone to get over someone else, usually done right away. Usually they are lined up. Your ex leaves you for someone else they are a rebound... BUT there is always a chance that the rebound can last. The odds are very slim because nobody gets over a LTR in 3 months, even if they already checked out. I don't agree with that at all. Maybe they got over it, but they certainly didn't grow from the relationship. It is a potential rebound... If they get serious then it would be a rebound.

 

There's a thread around here somewhere that explains pretty well exactly what a rebound is. People that rebound are pathetic to me. I'm sorry but you need to handle a break up just like everyone else does. You have no right to use someone to get over someone else. Some people I imagine don't actually KNOW they are doing it... That's just shallow and ignorance in my opinion though.

[dramallama]

What does it matter whether it is a rebound or not? No-one here knows whether it is a rebound, in the sense that we don't know how long it will last. But even if it doesn't last, it doesn't necessarily mean that she is going to come back to you when it's over. So the best thing to do is to not stress over the details of her life and live yours instead.

[CrazyMiner]

Hi Endy,

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

She didn't leave me for someone else, and did say when we broke up that she wasn't looking for a relationship/to date straight away. I suppose 2 months may seem like enough time to wait for her, especially if someone has approached her (which would be the case, I doubt she would have approached somebody herself).

 

I suppose them having a 1st date and looking to have a 2nd is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Apparently he looks a bit like me (Rugby player build), but before I got ill and lost a lot of weight/muscle. He's also a Doctor like her that she met whilst on an overnight on-call. So perhaps it's just a case of two people who met in a kitchen and got on well with nothing else to do. Who knows, only time will tell I suppose.

[endy]

Yup, but like drama said, the best thing for you is to not worry about it an move on. It's something you can't change... all you can change is yourself. That's the best thing for you right now too. It may last, it may just be a date. Just move on and work on yourself bud. I pretty much second what she said.

 

What does it matter how long a rebound lasts drama? I see the point that it can be permanent, but they can last 2 months, they could get married. It doesn't make the situation not a rebound if it lasts, it just means they worked through what they needed to which has very slim odds IMO.

 

I was a rebound the relationship lasted almost 8 months before she went back to her ex. Actually she broke up with him for me. Hence making me a rebound.