Uni student, can't figure where i'm going wrong with love

[Two Pound Four]

Okay i'm going to give a good enough background about myself, i'm not looking for something to fall out of the sky by posting on here, just honest advice, which it feels im not able to directly get from the very few people who i've opened up to in my life.

 

I'm 19, Male, and a British student. I had a very troubled past which i'm more or less over with but I fear may have made me emotionally different to everyone else. Until going to university I was a very shy person who got butterflies even having eye contact with hot girls, in hindsight I did have opportunities with girls I was really interested in at a young age but got bullied severely all through school life which ruined my self esteem.

 

Coming to University I swore to myself i'd advance my social skills, which i've done successfully, I have a huge range of people who are fond of me and my talking skills have amplified, i've been told by hometown friends that i'm a hundred times more confident yet my personality hasn't changed atall. Nearly ending my 1st year, I have kissed a dozen girls or so girls in total but never anything more, i'm not particularly craving sex despite being a virign, naturally I do occasionally get horny.

 

To be honest, I'm aware that i'm young, aware that I will go through many girlfriends in life, but I long to have that emotional connection with that 1 person I can always turn to, I want someone I can cuddle with, talk to about anything, watch movies on boring days all that kinda stuff. I'm a very honest person and used to hate many features about myself, i've now accepted my bad features and laugh about them, i'm quite slim but i get told im good looking (and could become a model if i buffed up a bit which i doubt!)

 

My problem is having confidence but not having 'the moves', all the men in my family are 'lads' who had / are having a great youth with ladies and its not like that with me, and for that i dont talk to anyone in my family about it, i dont want to be pitied for being a virgin and not having those skills. When talking to women sometimes i'm too honest about myself and I realise that, but I don't believe i need to mask the way i am just to 'pull'.

 

What advice / stories can people share with me to cheer me up?

[Captain Obvious]

A year ago was in the same situation as you, 19, not terrible with women but never had a proper woman to bascially share my life with but since then started to talk to someone, shes the only person Ive slept with and its awesome. Not all women suddenly go for the guys who have skills and a lot will actually love the fact that you can share your virginity with them, be patient and itll happen.

[rkw]

My ex was an engineer, as were all of his friends. They sound a lot like you, nice and attractive guys but not the cocky types that swagger up to girls and hook up soon after. I think most were virgins until their early 20s. During their 2-3rd year of uni, they all started getting girlfriends. They met them at uni either in class or in the library etc. One guy even had to decide between two girls! I know one couple is still together, others broke up because of having to move interstate or going their separate ways.

 

So just keep doing what you're doing, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. Eventually you'll find a girl who not only wants to kiss you, but wants a relationship too. Me and my ex were virgins when we met, and although I'd be surprised if I started to see a guy now who was still a virgin, it definitely wouldn't put me off. I'd be pleased that he trusted me enough to share that and also that he wasn't sleeping with everything that has a pulse. I haven't exactly been around the block either, so I'd feel more comfortable with someone like you than I would some player. Lots of girls wont find this a problem, so don't worry about it. Just be yourself, be open and friendly and you'll find someone soon, I'm sure of it.

[piruru]

To be honest, I'm aware that i'm young, aware that I will go through many girlfriends in life, but I long to have that emotional connection with that 1 person I can always turn to, I want someone I can cuddle with, talk to about anything, watch movies on boring days all that kinda stuff.

 

To be honest, this sounds kind of contradictory to me. Or maybe I am misunderstanding something. So, you want several girlfriends but you want a special someone? Are you saying you're not ready for commitment if you met that special girl? :S (Girls can pick up on that stuff.)

 

From what you've said about yourself so far, I think it's only a matter of time before one of those girls realises what a catch you are. Not all girls are attracted to players. Or even if we are (I am speaking for myself a bit here), it does get old very quickly. Sometimes just being a genuine person who respects us and adores us is all we ask for. The virgin part really isn't a big deal... unless we're being shallow. And you're only 19 anyway. I think the girl you might be looking for might be in the same position you are, to be honest.

 

One thing that did strike me is that you said you don't want to mask yourself to "pull." What is that supposed to mean? Sometimes it's not about masking the truth, but more about having fun. Don't take things too seriously, and some things are better left unsaid.

[Two Pound Four]

Cheers for the advice and stories guys.

 

Piruru - I can see in hindsight how that may look contradictory, however I meant to underline the fact that I could potentially go through more than one in life, and I did not mean '1 person' asin soulmate, but more, i'm just fedup of waiting for that connection to the 1 special person [at the time].

 

Also where i'm from to 'pull' means to attract a women in a nightclub or of similar atmosphere, and to do this there is a consensus around men that there are certain tricks of the trade and certain tactics (as brutal as it sounds) to get the best chances of this - Which in my opinion isn't being myself therefore 'masking' my true personality.

 

Hope that makes more sense.

 

Rkw - Virginity doesn't bother me atall since I know sex is around the corner constantly (Infact its my fault, since I turn away the women I feel no attraction to go all the way with lol) and I do perfectly fine keeping that fact about myself a secret.

[Two Pound Four]

(Infact its my fault, since I turn away the women I feel no attraction to go all the way with lol)

 

Used the word attraction the wrong way then, sounds very mean > Better worded - Once or twice i've had chances but backed out due to it not feeling like a time I should lose my virginity, not because it so much means something to me but because losing it will be my most memorable sex so I want it to be good.

[piruru]

Piruru - I can see in hindsight how that may look contradictory, however I meant to underline the fact that I could potentially go through more than one in life, and I did not mean '1 person' asin soulmate, but more, i'm just fedup of waiting for that connection to the 1 special person [at the time].

 

I see what you mean. I'm sure meeting someone that you have a connection/attraction with will happen in due time then. I didn't have that kind of connection with anybody until I was 20. You should take pride that you are withholding yourself for someone who you really want to be closer with. Too often in this day and age we act like sex doesn't matter when it really does. And sex between two people changes a lot of things.

 

Be mindful that sometimes that kind of connection takes time to develop though. Have you been dismissing girls too quickly? Or is what you are looking for simply pure lust and physical attraction?

 

It wouldn't hurt to try the tips/tricks on the ladies either. We girls have our own tactics too, but mostly they are unnecessary. When you meet the right person, you don't have to work that hard. And being shy won't matter so much. My current SO is very shy too -- didn't dare make eye contact with me when we first met. Later on I found out that he had been with 10 girls already, but he was still shy lol.

 

Don't worry so much about it -- go out and have fun. Don't stress. It will happen when it happens.

 

(Sorry if I am being unhelpful.

[habbrown]

Some people may think it's impossible to fall in love and getting a girl friend and boy friend for dating. If you want dating for fun then it is quite simple in these days. There are many online website that help you to find out best dating partner. These online dating communities are improving their service for people to experience the joy of dating.

[Two Pound Four]

I've always said to myself looks are the bait and personality is the hook. I'm not consciously dismissing women for lack of either one of those. I have befriended women without any prejudice on their looks since coming to University without trying too hard. The other night a chick I know insisted on taking my number (me being aware she is in a relationship and never having an intent).

 

In terms of sex I just suck it moving even close to hinting at it when I couldve earned a medal for having a good and fun convo with chicks I've just met (ignorant, sub conscious low self esteem maybe), house party I was at last week a girl admitted to hitting on me until she found out I wasn't mid 20s but rather 19 (it's the facial hair I swear).

 

It's just really weird for me. With sex I suck at approaching the topic while 'chatting up', or have I just been unlucky? with having that 'crush' feeling I get very rarely (sub consciously very picky cant help it ! ) i don't know whether I'm approaching things right or just not been at the right place at the right time with the right chick yet. Oh the confusion.