Getting mixed signals (long post)

[thegamev1]

Alright, first I’d like to say hey to everybody here, this seems like a nice board to kind of just let my thoughts out so I already appreciate that you opened this up to read this.

 

Here’s the story: I met this girl a year ago, first time we hung out we were instantly attracted to each other and tried to start a relationship. Some stuff happened, so we delayed it for a bit but kept talking. I finally made my move in late December, officially became a couple the first week of January. It was a wonderful relationship; I can honestly say that I hadn’t smiled in such a long time, and to me, she seemed to love it too. We were always talking about how happy we were and how we really needed each other in our lives after being hurt so many times before. I can honestly say that I loved the girl (though those words never came out of my mouth until…), and she even said it to me. Yes, she said it first, and seemed to have really meant it.

 

Theeeeeen disaster happened. One weekend before she went to spring break she got sick, and I spent most of the weekend seeing if she was alright, asking her how she was doing and stuff even though her BBM status said she was busy. Apparently this annoyed her a bit, and the first day of her break she told me that I was a bit too clingy. Alright, I can understand that, I was being a little bit annoying, but I was just trying to see how she was doing, you know? She tells me that she’s going to Jersey for a few days to visit her old college friends. I’m totally cool with it, but then do the stupid mistake of asking her if her ex went to that school…apparently women don’t like being accused of anything, and she got upset with me before she left. So I had that on my mind for two days…and that sucked.

 

But nothing sucked more then when she came back. She calls me, and says she has been unhappy for a while (even though she’s telling me that she loves me), and that this relationship isn’t working for her. To say I was devastated is being kind. I was confused, heartbroken, and a bit furious. I did the mistake of begging her back at that moment, mainly because I wasn’t thinking straight. We didn’t really make much contact after the breakup, and I’m pretty confident she’s slowly getting back with her ex. So there’s virtually no contact until Easter Sunday. While we were dating we bought tickets to this concert. After we broke up I told her she can keep them, mainly a. she bought them and b. I didn’t want to have to see her to give her money. Well Easter comes up and I text her happy holiday and tell her to have fun. I get a text back a few hours later saying that her plans might be falling through and wanted to know if I can go if her friends can’t make it. Me, being stupid, gladly accepts the offer. Few hours pass by and I just ask for an update, she says sorry her friends were able to make it. I was a little hurt, but then again I didn’t really expect much to happen so I just let things slide and told her to have fun. I’m pretty confident she went with her ex (now her main squeeze I guess), which kind of has me confused. Why ask me to go if your main guy isn’t able to make it? If I was on the other side I’d be pretty pissed…

 

Then a few days later she texts me. Alright, time has already passed in the relationship, so I decided to write her a hand written letter a few days prior. Call it stupid or whatever, but I just wanted to tell her that I still missed her and that she was a very special person in my life, and how I don’t really hate her for anything. She finally received and read the letter, and tells me that she’s sorry how the breakup happened, that she hurt me, that I’m such an amazing person and that we’ll always be “homies” (an inside joke between the two of us). So I just smile and text her back the normal and we talk for a bit, have a nice conversation. I tell her not to be afraid to text me and she says the same. A week goes back, and I tell her good luck on her finals which are happening this week. She messages me back “Thanks for remembering

 

So I mean it seems obvious that we’re rebuilding a friendship/relationship with one another again, and if she’s still thinking about me I can only take that as a positive note, right? Thing is she hasn’t even told me about her new (old?) boyfriend being in the picture (oh, and this guy is a douche, he apparently was cheating on her and stuff…so why they’re back together acting all lovey dubey is a mystery to me).

 

Am I just thinking too much into this, or is there something here? I mean, like I said earlier, I would love to get back with her. While she did break my heart, she truly is an amazing person that I can see settling down with, and the time we spent together (before and during the relationship) was some of the best time of my life.

[toad4466]

It sounds to me like its a problem with her, and not you. She seems to be unsure as to what she wants, and tbh dude if u stay hanging there it will be more and more painful for you.

Just be friendly, but also be wary. And if things do happen, remember what happened last time. Is that what YOU want?

Be patient, and try and look at this from a bigger perspective, you are young, so no need to rush!

Hope that helped a bit

[Slimpee]

Just on the surface it seems like she just wants to be friends evidenced by the fact that she didn't mention getting back together after the letter and how she apologized for how it happened and hurting you but not actually saying she regrets the actual breakup.

 

Obviously none of us know her but it seems like you'll get strong along while she knows that she doesn't want to rekindle a relationship...

[thegamev1]

A little bit of an update...

 

So this past week we were just kind of talking (I texted her about something random and stuff), when all of a sudden she texts me back "I miss you I was a bit taken by surprise, so we just kind of talked from there. Nothing too serious, just still trying to feel each other out. She asks for my PIN back, so we're kind of back on a talking basis. She's no longer with her ex (all he status updates are talking about how she's just going to be single and how she always falls for the wrong guy and stuff), so we kind of talked about it a little bit. I told her that I felt bad that he made her feel bad, and that she didn't deserve to be treated that way and all that stuff...only to get no response back. It's kind of weird, because I know she read my messages (BBM is the worst when dealing with this stuff, btw) just getting no response back.

 

So I'm kind of happy that I have this other guy out of the picture, but I really don't want to jump into anything too quickly with her. One, she obviously isn't ready emotionally, and two I don't want to be a "rebound" and stuff.

 

(also, thanks for the previous two comments)

[DigitalSpy]

Hey

 

Well to me it doesn't seem like you are getting mixed signals, if I am honest you are just reading to deep....

 

What I get from both posts you have made is that this girl left you and went back to her ex. I would imagine that she got defensive when you asked if her ex would be at the get together because, don't let this worry you, but I would bet she wanted to see her ex and maybe they had been talking prior to this meeting. And she got defensive because she felt guilty.

 

Now as for the messaging you really need to be very careful that you don't come accross as a "door mat" to her. I.E. "I told her that I’d be there for her if she ever needed somebody, which led to a nice warming thank you and stuff." makes it seem like you are happy to settle as the backup. And you don't want that. Also no girl wants a door mat as a boyfriend Its hard to find the balance but it can be done. Don't offer your advice/ an ear to talk to with every problem she has...pick and choose. Tend to offer your ear for SERIOUS problems like a family death/ illness, any other problems make a quick comment but that's it.

 

In this instance, I think the best thing you can do is try and hang out with someone new. Even if its nothing serious, just have some fun going out with another girl you might find that your ex wasn't as suited to you as you once thought. If nothing else it will take your mind of your ex for a while. If after a while you still think the ex is right for you....just casually invite her out. Don't mention reconciling or dating or anything. Simply

 

"Hey you want to grab a coffee next Thursday?" if she asks why, simply say "Oh, thought it would be nice to have a catch up" If you get to see her, treat it like an old friends meeting. Dont talk about the past, if she brings it up say something like "hey, sorry I don't really want to talk about that right now. Can we just have a nice afternoon?" Obviously sound happy when you say it. Let this meeting show her how great a guy you are and have become, let it show her everything she is missing out on. But don't push it to her, that's why going just as a friend is great because you wont seem like you want to get her back. Its just you, being you with a friend

 

Talking about the past is something that you should do after the meeting. Seeing her will give her the opportunity to tell if you have changed and you if she has. She will start thinking about you in that way and if she thinks its an option she will talk to you about it, she may bring up your past relationship again...this time you can talk about it.

 

Best advice, just be a friend...don't be a door mat. Don't expect anything, that way you can feel disappointed. Just enjoy her company if you ever meet up, don't think of it as a date its just a coffee . Let go of your old relationship.....

 

Let things progress naturally.