Moved on or so I think......(WARNING: LONG THREAD)

[WonderWoman87]

I am in need of advice. I have been thinking about this but kind of hiding my confusion. I'm not quite sure if I am over this person or not and I'm not quite sure if I did the right thing. This post that I am posting involved the following people (these are not their real names): Me , Jessica, Johnathan, William and Harry. I know I'm gonna get criticized from this for being stupid and mean, but I need help on this. I have been hurt from these people but mostly my former bfs.

 

Me- Single and was looking for a bf. I was a college Senior and was two semesters away from graduating from college with a BBA in Banking and Finance.

 

Jessica- Was the first person I met before I met these other guys. I met her online and later came to find out that she was married and messing around with other guys online who were single and/or also married. She had children.

 

Jonas- Her online bf, who was also married and had children, but cheating on his wife with Jessica. Left her for his wife and kids and she still stayed with him. Went back to school to get his GED.

 

William-Jonas' brother and my most recent ex-bf.

 

Harry- My first bf who dated Jessica and my first ex bf.

 

Last year, I met Jessica online. We hit it off and became friends. She noticed that I wanted a bf, so she decided to hook me up with one of her exes, Harry. He seemed like a nice guy, but judging by the way he treated her and me (cheated on her, and was interested in someone else when he was interested in me) I rejected him completely. And I let her know how I really felt, and she did not like that. In other words, it made her upset. Being the naive and thin-skinned person with low self-esteem that I was, I decided to give him a chance. Things went well, until he went back to school to get his GED. He started acting different towards me since then and when I called him for the first time: he wasn't always in the mood, always had something come up, and he ditched me for hanging with his friends and etc. And was mostly drunk every time I spoke with him. I talked to both him and her since he was closer to her than he was with me, and even though I knew that I should have ended the relationship, but, I didn't. Why? Because I was afraid that she would yell at me as usual. So he ended up breaking up with me. But the way he did it hurt me to my soul. He broke up with me by leaving a message talking to me as if I was stupid on my Yahoo Messenger instead of calling me (he had my number).

 

It took me a while to get over it, so with that being said, Jessica and her bf, set me up with William (described in description). At first when I met him, he was very open and was coming on kind of strong, but I didn't really like him that much. They set us up to meet each other, and they kept asking were we together yet. Once again, I gave in to the pressure. If I would have said no, there's no telling what would have happened. I said yes, and it was official.

 

But during that time, I noticed that she began to change. Instead of being the nice person that I thought she was, she began to take her problems out on me by yelling at me and cussing me out and etc. I confronted her about this, but she apologized and she did it again. I deleted her from my contacts, but once I confronted her again, she seemed like she had changed, and I decided to give her a second chance, and that's where I messed up.

 

Her and her bf, made, well tried to make my life a living you-know-what. He even had the nerve to ask me if I had feelings for him, and my reply was "No, eww." (He wasn't my type: he was arrogant and a cheater) And I asked her why did her bf delete me, and her reply was "Ask him." I asked, and he gave me this reply: "No reason. Just point and click." My reply was "I see how you really feel about me" and that was it. Her answer was "I had nothing to do about that." I knew she was lying. I got mad and let her know how I felt. She asks why was I blowing up about it, and I gave her my answer, and then she decides to bring up that I deleted her. I started to tell her the reason why, but I felt like it wouldn't do any good. I told/asked her "You hate me don't you?" And her reply was "Did I say that?" I was hurt and very upset and under a lot stress b/c I felt as if I was about to puke. So with that being said, I logged off, deleted and blocked her form all of my contacts completely. I was done with her and her B.S. But it wasn't over.

 

I was online talking with my new bf, then suddenly, my ex-bf decides to talk to me. He had been trying to talk to me since then, but I refused to talk to him. But this time, I decided to listen to what he had to say. He actually said he was sorry. I wished him a belated birthday and I asked did he enjoy it and he said yes. Then he joked about me doing his laundry (it's a private joke, but it wasn't dirty) and I asked him did he have a good Easter, and the next thing I know, he just logged off on me. I just ignored it and enjoyed the rest of the night talking to my new bf.

 

The next day, when I talked to my new bf, he acted "different". I said "Hey baby" as usual, and his response was "Hello." I knew what was wrong and so I asked him what happened, and he told me that Jessica informed him that I was still talking to Harry. I got upset because it was lie and I knew that she was trying to ruin my relationship with William. I told William the truth: that I only spoke to him one time and what the conversation was about. No flirting or nothing sexual happened between us. And as my relationship with William went on, the worse it got.

 

William informed me that Jessica, Jonas and Harry were all talking about me behind my back. I was upset and very fed up and wanted to retaliate, but I didn't. I just let themselves look stupid and immature. I knew that if I had responded, I was gonna be on their level. One night as I was talking to William, he had informed me that his brother and Jessica had met up at a hotel to "have some fun". That same night, his brother called and told him to put me on the microphone so he could hear my voice and confirm Harry's rumor about me (Said that I sounded like a guy). William told him that he couldn't do that b/c my microphone wasn't working. And Jonas, (being the butthole that he is) made a rude comment, and Jessica was in the background laughing. Once again, I was tempted to retaliate, but I didn't.

 

This went on until a few days before my birthday. Jessica and Jonas ended up breaking up and she tried to commit suicide. Jonas said that he didn't care. A few months later, William told me that his brother said that he was sorry, but I didn't believe him. After what he and his "mistress" put me through, I didn't trust him at all. He had completely messed up with me.

 

Now the relationship that I had with William was somewhat similar to the relationship that I had with Harry. But this one, I felt pressure to do what I didn't really feel like doing, but I did it anyway to make him happy. At first, he did come on strong: during the first 2 to 3 months, he wanted me to marry him. But I declined and told him later. I didn't really get to know him like I wanted to and that's where I messed up. He also took me for granted by falling asleep on me. And plus, he was busy all the time and couldn't spend time with me and I knew that it wasn't going to work. I should have ended it then, but I did few months later. And it was painful. In some ways he was great, and I thought that I really was happy, but according to those around me, I wasn't. And apparently what I didn't see from him during my relationship, I ended up seeing after.

 

We decided to be friends, but the next day after the break up he was rude to me. (I know why) But I tried to ignore my pain and be nice. But he broke that niceness, later on that day when he texted me. I let him have it. There was a curse word in every other sentence. And once I said what I had to say, he asked me was that what I think of him and I said yes. And he called himself trying to talk stupid to me and end the friendship. And being the dummy that I was, I still stayed. This relationship was horrible and was very toxic, but, I made the mistake by staying. I apologized for everything I said the whole time that I spoke to him, but he didn't. He did tell me that he was going to let me know if he needed help with anything and that was the end of the conversation. The few times that I texted him, his response was rude. And come to find out, he was lying to me. He never did text me that whole month. And when I did text him, he was trying to flirt with me and I just kept my composure (I don't flirt with guys unless they're in a relationship with me or if they're joking) I asked my friends for advice, and she told me to delete him. Even though I had very low self-esteem and thought he still had feelings for me, I kept wanting to go back to him. So I took my friends advice and deleted him.

 

I went into a deep depression, and I woke up everyday wanting to die. I was in so much pain, that I didn't think that I could move on with my life. So I ended up going to the hospital and I ended up getting evaluated (this happened with my relationship with Harry) and this time I almost got tooken in. But after that moment in my life, I eventually passed all my classes and I had one more semester left until I graduated (which I am taking now and will be graduating in May).

 

A few months ago, I had my "moment of empowerment". I began to feel good about myself. I felt as if I was a rare gem that both of my exes could never have. I felt as if I deserved better and that I will. I also felt as if I was just as pretty and attractive as all the other girls/women in the world. I even felt like I was prettier and more attractive than my exes gfs if they had one. I even wouldn't feel intimidated if I was compared to Kim Kardashian or any other sexy female celebrity which was very odd to me because I have NEVER felt this way about myself before.

 

I apologize for this long post, but did I do the right thing concerning my relationships with my exes and my "so-called" friend? I I have learned my lessons, but I still feel the pain and embarrassment from all of this. Hopefully, this post will help someone who is going through the same thing. Please help.

[Brittney2008]

Hi WonderWoman,

First off I want to say that you did a very good thing by ending those relationships with those men. It seems like this whole group is completely toxic and dysfunctional. I don't have much advice except that you did the right thing and please don't let them drag you back in their circle. Be around people who support you not tear you down. Congrats on your upcoming graduation.

 

Brittney

[WonderWoman87]

Thanks for replying. I probably would have gotten more replies if I hadn't made it so long which I apologize for. I just needed some support/advice for this difficult time. It still hurts even though it happened last year