Mental torture?

[Tryptophan]

Initially I was calling myself the dumper. I wasn't, I was just the one who picked up on the signs and made the decision to end it. We had both changed and he seemed more happy with his 'best friend'. There was no questioning on his part, just agreement so I now see it was more of a mutual breakup. She's now somewhat of an unofficial-girlfriend to him according to his FB (she's all over it). Needless to say, I've been stalking him on FB realizing that it was doing more harm than good. It's been a week since the last time I checked. I'm planning to sticking to it permanently; I've practically been picking at the wounds.

 

It's been 4 months since the breakup. I've cried probably every single day despite trying to do everything to distract myself. I've tried being with other guys. I keep comparing them to him, and thinking of them in terms of how different they are from him or how similar. Everything reminds me of him. I keep having imaginary conversations with him, fantasizing, wondering what he's doing with her. I went on another date with a guy yesterday that I'd been eating lunch with to see if I could physically be with someone else. He kissed me, and I kissed him back but mentally I was thinking it was the ex. When I opened my eyes and snapped back to reality, I nearly burst into tears but I held back for the sake of not making a show. I was ovulating (TMI I know but need to mention) and was needing the physical aspects of it but I couldn't get myself to do it.

 

Anyone have any tips to control the mental anguish/torture? I've physically done everything I can but my mind seems to be clinging on to him so tightly. Even when I'm hanging out with other guys just for the sake of hanging out, I'm constantly thinking of him still.

 

And how can he be with anyone else so soon and not feel anything for me anymore? I don't want him anymore, I rarely miss him, my love for him has dissipated but my mind just keeps wondering and obsessing. I don't go 2 minutes without him crossing my mind. I tried the rubber band technique but I tend to catch myself too late when my mind has already raced over the thoughts of him. Emotionally, I feel like I'm able to function because the crying has decreased but mentally, I feel stuck.

 

I feel I'm going insane literally. Help :sad:

[Qualia Quantum]

Writing about it helps. Like keeping a journey or a dairy, then you can go back and reflect upon your own metaphoric emotional changes through it all.. I'm sure right now you feel totally lost and seemingly there is no way out.. and if there is a way out you can't see it, and you don't know how to bootstrap yourself out of this depravity, because if you did, well you won't need to bootstrapping. (kinda like a catch22) Keeping an accurate reflection of your own thoughts over time helps give you some perspective and comforts in that as bad as it feels right now, it too will pass. Only time can heal wounds or soften the blunt force of emotional devastation. You didn't fall in love with him in a day, and you won't fall out of love that easily either. Emotional dilemmas don't really have solutions or quick fixes.. they just get easier to handle over time, and when you are ready you will find someone else to naturally and effortless overwhelm you again and displace the heartache you are experiencing right now.

[elcie]

The first thing to do is to recognize the situation for what it is.

 

Your boyfriend mentally checked out of the relationship way before you had to. When it came to dealing with the breakup he was streets ahead. The fact that there was another girl to transfer his affections to made it a seamless transition for him.

 

So you cannot compare the way he is dealing with the situation to the way you are.

 

So even though you recognized the signs and initiated the discussion that led to the breakup, you were mentally and emotionally unprepared for the loss.

 

It sounds from your post that you are doing all the right things to get over this man ie; keeping busy and going out with other men. The next thing to do is don't panic: it will take time for the emotional ties to fade away: believe in the success of your efforts: be positive about the chances that you will meet someone else who will be even better for you.

 

Time is the great healer but it's different for everyone. The important thing is to believe in yourself and to realize that you deserve better than what you got with your ex.

[ChellyV]

give yourself time. my case is similar to yours, when i picked up all the signs and made the decision to end it. i never went on FB, never asked mutual friends about him and so to this day (31 days of NC) i have no idea how he is doing and i feel that it is better that way. try to do that.

i am so much like you that i think about him almost every minute of the day, but i know myself..eventually the thoughts will be gone. in time he will just be a memory of the distant past. dont worry, that time will come for you and me.

[Tryptophan]

give yourself time. my case is similar to yours, when i picked up all the signs and made the decision to end it. i never went on FB, never asked mutual friends about him and so to this day (31 days of NC) i have no idea how he is doing and i feel that it is better that way. try to do that.

i am so much like you that i think about him almost every minute of the day, but i know myself..eventually the thoughts will be gone. in time he will just be a memory of the distant past. dont worry, that time will come for you and me.

 

I know they will end up going away, and I did all the wrong things at the beginning. I know all it takes is time but boy is it hard.

 

Thanks to everyone. I just needed reassurance that this will go away. I feel so much better today.