I'm a Guy who doesn't know what to do, help me please!

[Mike_Wazowski]

Well...my first post here...i'm a Canadian guy 39 yrs old, living in Japan. I am married with two kids. Here's my problem. I met a woman at work, who is also married (still a newlywed, 30 yrs old, her husband is 24) and we developed a friendship. Of course she is Japanese.

 

Anyways...one night we had an office party, everybody had a little too much to drink and her and I just happened to find oursleves alone, I kissed her and she responded. Things got a little out of hand and the kissing turned into having petting.....Anyways...we talked about it over the next few days and she said the reason it happened was that she had had an argument with her husband that week and she was mad at him. At that time however she did admit that she liked me.

 

Well, we continued to meet as friends. Our relationship grew a little stronger. We met several more times after the party incident and kissed. Of course the kissing was all at my suggestion, maybe my persuading. We decided to meet more to continue where we had left off at the party, but when the time to meet came again, she totally changed her mind. Her excuse being that her and her husband made up. I was Hurt.

 

So for the next week at work, I totally ignored her...On Friday she sent me an email asking to meet me...So we met, had a coffee...she suggested we go out for a few drinks and of course we ended up making love. Of course it only happened cause i persuaded or talked her into doing it. We were both a little drunk, but not drunk enough to use that as an excuse. Anyways, she now tells me that the Love making was just a one time thing and will never happen again.

 

Before I go any further, I know I am a real a**hole for cheating on my wife...but there is something inside me, I don't know what it is, but it is like, I am missing out on life or maybe I just want people (women) to worship me...who knows really......

 

Anyways, emotionally speaking, I have always been weak when it comes to rejection...been like that since my teens....

 

At work now, we talk and stuff..In fact we had lunch together today. She appears to want to just be friends. I mentoned our love making and she avoided the topic like it was the Plague or something, and said it will never happen again. But she also said that same thing after the heavy petting at the party.

 

I know she likes me....she mentioned that much while we were.....well....you know......And she still wants to meet me after work for coffee and as friends....

 

I am dying here...my heart hasn't felt this way since my GF dumped me when I was 19 yrs old.

 

I know I am married and stuff, and I know I shouldn't even be thinking of another woman, but you know how it is.....don't you?

 

What should I do? I am hurting majorly!

 

Should I just forget about her and focus on my family? If I do that, how do I get her out of my head and my heart?

 

Should I just chill out, be her friend and just let what happens happen?

 

Does she want to be with me but she is stuggling cause she is married too?

 

Damn..I am reading this post and I am thinking to myself, what a total loser I am for even getting invovled in a situation like this....

 

Either way....Please someone either A me...or B: End my misery!

 

Mike!

[Duderanomi]

Well, cheating is wrong, at least you know that. If I were you, I'd put my family first. You have a wife and children that look to you for all kinds of support, and you're letting them down and giving a very bad example by doing this.

 

I'm guessing your wife hasn't caught on yet, and whether you want to tell her or not is up to you, really, but I would suggest you stop this pursuing of this colleague since you're risking ruining your family and hers too.

 

You married your wife for a reason, and hopefully it's because you love her. If you showed the kind of attention you're giving this lady to your wife, I'm sure she would be very happy, and you'd be left feeling a lot more fulfilled than what you're doing now.

 

I don't see why you should do the wrong thing when doing the right thing is so easy. Your colleague is just a fling, think of your children and the effect this could have on them.

[Miss Communicate]

I can't know for certain what your "friend" is thinking, but I know if I were in her boots and behaving in the manner you described, it wouldn't be for reasons you are hoping for. I think she's responding to you for selfish reasons more so than because she wants to pursue an intimate relationship with you.

 

I think your best bet, regardless of what happens in your own marriage, is to forget this woman. I wouldn't be anything more than cordial with her at work. And be prepared for her to suddenly seem interested in you when you back off. She's already pulled this with you.

 

How to get her out of your head and heart? That's more difficult. You have to look at the whole situation realistically and not with your heart (or libido). She's a newly married woman who has already cheated on her husband. What makes you think that if the fantasy of being with this woman happened she wouldn't do the same thing to you? The fact she went out of her way to contact you after you ignored her tells me she wanted attention and that she's essentially playing you to satisfy her own ego. Do you really want to be with a woman that wants you only when its at her convenience?

 

You have a wife, someone you must have been in love with at some point. Wouldn't you want to try to reignite that? Like Duderanomi said, if you paid your wife that sort of attention, she would likely appreciate it. I wouldn't go overboard though or you're going to raise some alarm bells with her. But I would focus on trying to get your marriage back on track.

 

Generally speaking, I think this "other" woman is bad news. Forget about her!

[Swiss_Chic]

She seems to be going through a rough spot with her husband, but they married for a reason and have a relationship. Not only are you cheating on your wife, which you realize is wrong, but it seems that you wouldn't be in this situation if you didn't suggest to her what you should do. Because of her fight with her husband , her emotions can be easily influence so her actions may not be reflecting her really feelings.

You can try to be friends, but don't try to meet privately or suggest kissing or sleeping together. Remember what you have or had with your wife. You have or had feelings for her. What are you looking for through this fling (nice word duderanomi)? Could you apply that to your wife? try something new with her?

Good luck

[fozzy]

All I can say is that - there, is no better than here.

 

You're looking for something that's not real my friend. As hard as it may be to realise it, the life you crave is right there at home. You just have to look a little harder for it.

 

Sex is sex. It's nothing more. No one can tell you what to do because at the end of the day you will do exactly what you want.

 

I walked out on my wife and child 5 years ago. Although I've had happy times with a couple of long term partners since, there's not a day goes by that I don't regret what I did.

 

Now I'm in a relationship that's broken down because of my current partner's infidelity.

 

Search deep inside yourself. Life is for living, but a family is forever.

[Day_Walker]

I am not going to judge you and say what you did was right or wrong cuz its irrelevant. This is one of those things that can happen when you have a connectoin with another person. What you need to do is flip the situation on her and stop coming off so strong. It is possible that you two can be friendly with eachother but you have to stop coming on so strong. You are only showing her how much you want her (she has all the power in the situation). Both of you have spouses so both of you have something to lose. You want to put yourself in a situation where you two are on a equal playing field (this means you have to get some power back). The only way this is going to happen is you have to stop persueding her to do things with you. I would suggest that you continue to have drinks, lunch or whatever but you cannot make a move on her. You need to hold back, this will confuse her and it will confuse her. This is whats going to give you back some power in the situation. Another thing is that you had fun with this female and you need to leave it at that. As you are well aware you have a family, so just calm down because you have a significant amount to lose if this situation goes bad. Live in the moment with this female at work but keep in mind the gravity of the greater situation you are in.

[Blondee]

From a womens point of view.......Believe me, save yourself and get out while you can......the next thing you know you will find yourself infatuated and then in love, what then?....A hell of a mess!

If you are confused now, just wait until you really have feelings for her.

Distance yourself, keep your pants zipped and think about your wife and children. Nothing can come from this but pain, confusion and a life of hell. Speaking from experience I know. Best of luck to you. Blondee

[american dream]

Your post turned my stomach. Excuse me while I go wretch thinking about a guy who is cheating on his wife (and kids), while breaking up another marriage --- and asking for ADVICE on how to do it better!

 

0X

[Mike_Wazowski]

American Dream: Thanks for that comment there Mr. Perfect.....If you can come down from your Throne and read my Update post, you would know that I am doing my best to break it off with this woman.....Also....I don't ever remember asking people 'How I can cheat better.' as you state.

 

I got myself in a tangled mess, and I was seeking advice on what I should do!

 

Now, I'm bored talking to you!

[Mike_Wazowski]

Well....this may just be my worst hour..Update Update!

 

For anyone interested, my problem seemed to have solved itself......In a nutshell....The other woman has told me quite frankly that what we 'had' is O-V-E-R......OVER!

 

I say my worst hour not because I wanted to continue in the relationship, but because I was developing feelings for her....maybe not Love.....but getting close to that...Either way....I'm Hurting, but glad that she did what i didn't have the Balls to do! And I'm glad its over now and not a year from now.....now that would have been True Pain!

 

Now for any of those out there contemplating an Affair...trust me when i say two things: ONE: It's not going to last. and TWO: You will be in for some SERIOUS PAIN during and at the end of the relationship!

 

For anyone who has read this thread and maybe not posted a response, and to those people, even American Dream(Love ya buddy) who have posted...........

I take full responsiblity for this affair....It didn't happen by 'Chance' or some other BS reason that many guys use. It happened cause I liked her from the moment I saw her, and at that time I knew what was at Stake (Mine and her family) but I said 'Who cares' and I went after her, plain and simple as that. And I am an azzhole for that. The only good that came out of this is that I learned a valuable lesson....That is You most definitely 'Reap what you sow'

 

Peace!

 

 

 

The Conclusion: Was it worth it?..............Can't answer that right now...too many emotions are clogging my mind.....All I can say is that I wish I can get it right with my wife........That's my next challenge!