notgivingup Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 I met this guy and we have been friends for a year or two until we start seeing each other. Fast forward two years and we are in the same spot. We both cared about each other, we both have intimate feelings for each other, we both love spending time with each other, the only problem is that he is hesitant in getting involved in a relationship and I am scared to get involved in a relationship. He admits to loving and caring about me as a girlfriend, he admits to missing and thinking about me, he admits to being scared of losing me and yet he never gives me what I ask of him. He has not said I love you to me yet though. He has trouble saying certain things because of his previous relationship. He knows what my wants and needs are and he is unable to give them to me. We keep going in and out of each other’s life, me getting pissed me at him cuz he is unable to give me what I want, cutting him out of my life, calling him again when I miss him, meeting up with him (hoping that things would change and will be different in the future once he reassures me), and then the cycle would continue as he makes no effort to give me what I want or need, I get pissed off at him, so on and so forth. Is there a future in this? Have we gotten to the point where he is happy with what we have and I am not? Is it time to cut all ties with him? Is it time to break the cycle? If so, am I capable of doing so? Cuz Lord knows I’ve tried. Was I trying to manipulate the situation? In hopes that I can convince him to be with me one day when that might not even be his intention. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Honestly, if he just isn't giving you what you want or need, then you already know what you have to do. Otherwise, it's just going to be an endless cycle.. Eventually things do get old. Don't you want something concrete that makes you truly happy? Yes, he may care about you in his own ways, but in the grand scheme of things, is it really sufficient? People can only treat you the way you allow them to. If you're holding onto the slim chance that he will change, you could be waiting for quite some time. Isn't two years enough to know what you want? Do you seriously want to wait another two years, then four, to be back in square one? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 [...] We keep going in and out of each other’s life, me getting pissed me at him cuz he is unable to give me what I want, cutting him out of my life, calling him again when I miss him [...] Stop calling him when you miss him. He can't miss you unless you're willing to miss him. Let him learn what his life will be like without you in it. If he gets an epiphany from that, let him track you down and show you a change. Anything short of that is just repeating this cycle of yours, and if it's not what you want, then break the cycle and move yourself forward to grieve, heal and find a better match someday. Sometimes growth involved grief. It's never pleasurable, but you're already grieving now anyway. Link to comment
notgivingup Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 Hi Jd1983, You know what you are absolutely right. Things do get old and I have been feeling that way and maybe that is why I am making it into such a big deal right now and just getting everything out into the open. You are right, why settle for something less than what I deserve? Why not let go of this one and find someone else who can truly treat me the way deserve to be treated? You are right, how I allow other people to treat me is completely in my hands and I have lost control of that with this guy....and it is time I take that control back. And no I do not seriously want to wait another how many years in hopes that he would change, cuz that is just a waste of my time. I am still young. Notgivingup Link to comment
notgivingup Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 Hi catfeeder, I will try my best to, but that is not my strong point. However, I know that I must do so. I know that I will be digging myself in a deeper hole and keep hurting myself every single time this pattern happens again in the future. Thanks for giving me a reality check and pointing out that I might already be grieving over our relationship now, that might be true. I might be grieving over the relationship that me and him have or used to have already. Notgivingup Link to comment
catfeeder Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 [...] Thanks for giving me a reality check and pointing out that I might already be grieving over our relationship now, that might be true. I might be grieving over the relationship that me and him have or used to have already. Notgivingup You've already been grieving the loss of what you want in order to settle for what you've got. This grief will only continue until you're ready to put enough faith and strength into getting yourself on the right track for pursuing what you want. Repeating the same cycle won't get you different results. Link to comment
notgivingup Posted April 28, 2011 Author Share Posted April 28, 2011 Hi catfeeder, Thank you for pointing out the obvious to me because I have never thought of it that way before. On both the grieving part and the fact that I should put enough faith and strength in myself and my ability ability to get on the right track in pursuing what I want, need and deserve in and from a relationship. Thank you for reminding me that repeating the same cycle will not get me different results, I will try something different. Notgivingup Link to comment
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