Someone Tell Me I'm Not Wrong

[fozzy]

After worrying where she was at 3 in the morning I called her. She didn't answer. We'd been living together for 3 years and I instinctivly knew things weren't right.

When she did answer she told me she was nearly home. I heard a car pull up on a road just before ours. I saw the headlights. I saw them go out. I knew.

I went outside and saw her sitting in a car with another guy. I flipped. I hit him.

She denies any wrong doing and says she had been sitting talking to him for three or four hours and she was drunk.

Since then, it transcribes she has contracted genital herpes. She blames this on the fact that I get the occasional cold sore. It has been about three weeks since the incident... about the same time that people normally contract the disease.

I've split up with her, I'm moving out this weekend.

 

I love her and miss her badly. Am I wrong to break up or am I being stupid for thinking that maybe things weren't what they seemed.

 

Someone help.

[WOC]

Fozzy,it sounds to me like you gave her a chance and that your gut was already telling you something wasn't right between the two of you. If you really feel you love her that much maybe the two of you could try relationship counseling. However, you both have to be open to it. I am a bit suspicious of why she just didnt' come in the house sooner if she was so close to home and talk with you. Be good to yourself and don't give in to quickly.

WOC

[RayKay]

I don't think you are wrong at all! While ulcers in your mouth would be a strain of herpes, the one responsible for cold sores, and the one responsible for genital herpes are usually a different sort. You getting the occasional cold sore is not the reason - did she get "mad" at you for it? Or did she just treat it like no big deal? If I found out I had herpes, you can bet I would of freaked out on my spouse since I would not be the one cheating!

 

Get yourself tested.

 

Anyway, her behaviour DEFINITELY seems suspicious. If she is willing to go to counselling, and you are, perhaps the relationship can be saved and rebuilt - however, if she is not even going to admit to any wrongdoing, it could be a long haul. Sitting and talking with another guy for 3-4 hours in another car close to your house is also very odd. It just does not all add up.

 

 

Sorry you are going through this, but you definitely do NOT deserve that treatment, nor her putting your health at risk either.

[birdgirl]

I'm told that you can pass herpes from cold sores to the genital area during oral sex. However, if this is her first outbreak in three years, that seems a little fishy to me.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

[sunnyp]

This whole thing sounds down right ugly to me! That's an understatement!

Though one can get the big H through oral sex. It is very rare for that to happen. You said she had the bi H. More than likely she had it before you two were together or contracted it through another person.

Getting drunk and sitting in a car out side your home is really a stupid thing to do. I smile at her stupidity. I cry for your hurt! No one who is interested in a friendship basis does these things. This is betrayal! You were betrayed. I would never just sit in some guys car and talk for 4 hours if I wasn't interested in him!

One thing for sure here is: You should see that when people do these things when they are drinking means one thing. They have a drinking problem. As she wouldn't do this sober. So your best off saying good bye now. Don't let yourself get mixed up with a person who has this decease. It can turn your world upside down. And make you into a person who will be sitting in Allon Meetings.

Do yourself a favor, and let some one else take on her problems.

Good Luck.

Let me know how you are.

Sunny

[Mar]

I hate to say it, but the timing CAN'T be that coincidental for it to be anything but. What was she doing out with a guy till 3 a.m. in the first place? In a healthy relationship, that most likely wouldn't happen. I'm not saying a woman can't have male friends, but I know my fiance would take some serious offense to me ditching him for my best friend (male) till 3 a.m., and then mysteriously coming down with herpes!!

 

There's trust, and then there's naivete......I'd keep my distance for now and see what she does. If she immediately hooks up with this guy, then you know you were right. And no, that does NOT mean spying on her! Just work on yourself, and try not to concentrate on what she's doing so much. And no, calling her for awhile isn't a good idea! Let things settle, and see how you do and how she does. And I'm sorry things worked out this way for you.

 

Mar

[Mike_Wazowski]

I feel your pain bro......here's my opinion...

 

There is NO REASON for ANYONE'S girlfriend to be getting out of another man's car at 3 in the morning.

 

If she didn't do anything, it is sure a damned fact that the guy tried to get some....either way, bad situation that she should have never placed herself in.

 

Find another woman dude!

[fozzy]

Guys, thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You are all saying pretty much what I've been feeling.

It's hard to walk away from 3 years of friendship and love. I feel like I've had a limb removed.

 

I'm sure there are loads of people out there going through the same thing. I can't wait for the moment when I wake up in the morning and have more than a few of those delicious seconds before you remember what's wrong.

 

I'm not sure I'll trust for a while. I'm not sure I'm capable any more. At 35, we have a lot of baggage to carry with us.

 

But once again, thank you for your heartfelt words and advice, they really mean a lot.

[WOC]

Fozzy don't give up. I am a 41 year old female and I dont' ever plan on giving up on love. Right now you may not feel like hearing that but somewhere down the lane you will realize that love can come in all forms. Right now you are hurting deeply so that is understandable why you said what you did about giving up. We all have baggage no matter how old we are. Whether it be 19-41 we all bring things into relationships whether we like it or not. Give yourself some time to heal and dont' be so hard on yourself.

WOC