whats the point ?

[hotnspicychikn]

Have you tried antidepressants? Are you sleeping well? I had to get on antidepressants, anxiety meds and medicine to help me sleep for now. It's amazing how much those are helping me manage. I don't plan on using them long term but right now it is OK to need some help to manage. Exercise can also help your mood. And it's amazing what eating right can do for your mood as well. The little things add up. I am also in counseling. Whatever you can do right now to take of yourself will help.

[stevef20]

Thank-you all for your posts of support.

 

I'll shock you all now by telling you that I work long hours, exercise everyday, am seeing a councillor, am on anti-depressants, taking sleeping pills and am watching films.

 

So you see, I am listening and taking the advice, I've even actioned it which bodes the question "am I losing it?"

 

I really do want the pain to stop and an trying very hard.

[stevef20]

Oh and I'm day 32 nc aswell.

[stevef20]

Omg, I'm having one of those gut crunching, heart breaking moments where I feel she has met someone new.

 

I'm not ready for that at all. Feel sick

[LoveHearts21]

Aw Steve I am the same and to make matters worse, I have broken NC! Now he's phoning me and I don't dare answer

 

I've had a bad few days too, thinking he is with someone else and I'm constantly crying. I thought I was starting to get over it but it's hit me hard again.

 

We will get through it, think positive thoughts. What doesn't kill us will only make us stronger

[stevef20]

Summer,

 

I've heard that saying to, what a load of rubbish

[stevef20]

I really want to just say hi, I'm missing her

 

Will it hurt to do this ?

[O-shen]

Dont do it man. You have already been NC for so long. Mate i know its hard coz i just broke up with my partner of 8 years this week and am alreadt fearing about hearing about her with someone else. If that happens i willl be like you and ready to lose the plot. But you just have to block it out. I doubt this will help but it's something i used to think a bit about when i am down............

 

Think of all the people that are less fortunate than you. Now i know people always say that, but really think about it. People that are born into marriges that they dont want. People living in countries surrounded by crime, disease and violence. People out in the desert who live in little straw huts with almost no food, no lush modern luxuries that we have. People who have no house at all, who sleep in alley ways with the only thing they own being their dirty unwashed clothes. People who are addicted to drugs and spend any money they have destroying themselves. Disabled or blind people who cant walk in the fresh air or see a beautiful sunrise. There would be millions of people that are in these groups and there are many more examples.

 

Sometimes we feel so much pain and loss, we forget what we really have. I bet a blind person would give anything to be you, to be able to have the gift of sight, for even just 1 day, even if they had to feel the pain you feel. We forget we are healthy, have jobs, a roof over our head, money to buy things we desire, running water and electricity, enabling us to surf the web, and find help like this.

 

To all these other people, we look like the lucky ones, pain and all.

 

What i'm trying to say is focus on the things you have, and what you can do to make you happy.

[stevef20]

Thanks Rock.

 

I'm really sorry to hear your news my friend.

 

The sad thing is that she probably hasn't met anyone and its my own mind giving me hell on its own thus causing the stomach knots.

 

I so hate that we are forced to give up the things in life that we love more than anything in the world, it just doesn't seem fair. You then add the heartache and pain and then, well you know the rest.

 

I take your points re the less fortunate and I'm extremely sympathetic always.

[LoveHearts21]

I really want to just say hi, I'm missing her

 

Will it hurt to do this ?

 

I know the feeling

 

Please stick with NC. Don't give in to temptation like I have done, it makes you feel worse if they ignore you. Honest I have been there a few times already.

 

The few times I broke NC, he didn't respond and it knocked me right down again. All the horrible thoughts running through my mind.. Is he with someone else, Is he happier without me etc.

 

I've broke NC again today but this time he is phoning me.. I've ignored his calls so now I feel in control and a little happier.

 

You stay in control, you've managed to get to day 32 NC (?) why break it now to be back to where you were on day 1.

[O-shen]

I know mate. My stomach turns as well, hot and cold flushes, i can feel my heart thumping inside my chest.

Sometimes i am okay and others, a big wave will just wash over me and i am in agony, in fear.

So you aren't the only one mate, i find it better to no that i am not the only person feeling this way, that there are others, and most of them made it out the otherside to a happier place.

 

Me and you will soon join them. will just take time. but it will happen. can't think any other way.

[stevef20]

Thanks summer just really struggling without her

 

I'll not bore you with a list of what I miss.

 

Be strong yourself hon, day 1 and counting

[stevef20]

Well done Rock.

 

I really appreciate you posting m8

[LoveHearts21]

I look at past breakups.. at the time I thought I'd never be happy again but something better always comes out of it, it just takes time. The same will happen again even though we don't think it right now.

 

Learn from my mistakes of breaking NC and you will get stronger each day. You don't want to go back to day 1 and end up hurting even more than you are now. You've done really good to be where you are now and I bet your a little stronger now than what you were on day 1?

 

I feel bad breaking NC because now he knows he is on my mind. We need them to think we are doing fine without them in our lives so you stay in control

 

I just wish I could get these awful thoughts out of my mind, it hurts so much doesn't it!

[O-shen]

Hey summer, you are right about previous relationships and thinking you will never recover, but eventually you do.

 

And steve, i dont know what work you do but i am in retail, customer service in the sporting industry. Everyone that comes into work is all happy and wants to make conversation and it's part of my job........but it's so hard.

 

Every customer walks in and i greet them and ask them how they are and they say " great and you?"

I've always said "not to bad" or "pretty good" in the past, but it is becoming hard to say as i know deep down how i feel.

 

Maybe when the next person i have never met walks in and i say "good morning, how are you? and they say " great and how about you?", i mite turn around and say " well actually i just broke up with my partner of 8 years this week and i am pretty devastated, I feel sick all the time and am having problems eating and sleeping, i feel like my whole life has been one big failure and i am sick to death of telling strangers that i am okay when i'm not. Thanks for asking."

 

I reckon i mite lose my job, but i might just crack a smile to see the look on their face!

[Gerda]

Hi, Steve. I know what you're talking about when you say you want the heartache to stop. I don't know about you, but for me it was a very physical sensation, right where my actual heart is. It was really intense and a pain difficult to explain, and I kept wondering why I would feel physical pain from an emotional wound--is there something physically going on with my heart like it is literally faltering or swelling or something? On more than one occasion I've really wondered if I might actually die from the pain.

 

One thing--you said you were on antidepressants. If they are working fine for you, then good, but as a cautionary note to you or anyone else--just know sometimes they can really mess with you. I coincidentally started taking anti-depressants the day after my breakup, and it took me two weeks to realize that PART of the reason I was freaking out so much was because of the meds--it's Wellbutrin and is known to sometimes cause extreme anxiety, and many SSRIs are known to sometimes increase depression--we don't know why. I had to cut my dose in half and since then the heartache has been more tolerable.

 

Sounds like we are at roughly the same point, I am around day 27. I think of it like I'm recovering from an actual physical illness. Love really is a sickness in some ways, it affects your vital organs--makes your heart beat too fast or flutter, makes your mind play tricks on you, makes your muscles feel weak, etc. I still experience that awful heartache sometimes and have found no way to make it go away or come less frequently--but I just tell myself it's my brain messing with me. I think sometimes our brain, by causing this pain when we think of an ex, is reinforcing a negative association in our head with that person--it's trying to impress on you permanently that this person does not make you happy and you need to stay away.

 

But if you're like me you find this uncontrollable urge to periodically rake yourself over the coals, so to speak, and force your mind to go places that it hurts to go. There are ways of doing this that are NOT healthy (if they are ALWAYS making you feel worse--it's not healthy), but it can be good, too. It's like you have a bullet inside of you--it's going to hurt as you figure out where it is and as you get a good grip on it, and you have to do both of those things before you can pull it out, so it's going to hurt A LOT but then it will start to heal. It takes our minds a while to wrap themselves around these situations because there's involuntary stuff involved as your brain puts you into shock and denial to protect you. But it's gonna get better.

 

There's a book available online for free, link removed. In the past it helped me deal with some heartbreaks. This time it hasn't helped me, but maybe it could help you or someone else.

[stevef20]

Summer,

 

It does hurt so much darling, at times i get so overwhelmed it feels like its time to say goodbye to the world. I dont and wont of course but that doesnt mean it hasnt crossed my mind

[stevef20]

Hey summer, you are right about previous relationships and thinking you will never recover, but eventually you do.

 

And steve, i dont know what work you do but i am in retail, customer service in the sporting industry. Everyone that comes into work is all happy and wants to make conversation and it's part of my job........but it's so hard.

 

Every customer walks in and i greet them and ask them how they are and they say " great and you?"

I've always said "not to bad" or "pretty good" in the past, but it is becoming hard to say as i know deep down how i feel.

 

Maybe when the next person i have never met walks in and i say "good morning, how are you? and they say " great and how about you?", i mite turn around and say " well actually i just broke up with my partner of 8 years this week and i am pretty devastated, I feel sick all the time and am having problems eating and sleeping, i feel like my whole life has been one big failure and i am sick to death of telling strangers that i am okay when i'm not. Thanks for asking."

 

I reckon i mite lose my job, but i might just crack a smile to see the look on their face!

 

Rock,

 

Your post above is so sad mate, like you i work in a customer facing sales environment, have to put on the act that all is well and hold it together, it sucks real bad and i wish it would just end so i can get back to being me. I am so sick of hurting its unbelievable.

 

Im with you buddy, always...

[stevef20]

Hi Gerda,

 

There are an awful lot of us that have experienced this terrible pain in our chests on here, i can only hope that the phrase "no one ever died of a broken heart" is correct otherwise weve had it.

 

ill read in to what i am taking, not sure there working anyhow, im as upset now as i have always have been.

 

Id agree, we are roughly at the same point, its interesting what you say about heartbreak being like a physical illness, i seeing a councillor aswell (i know, loser) and she has said to me that this should be treated in the same way as something physical, she states that if were in a hospital bed with every bone in our body broken, would our friends and family ask us to get up and walk ? of course not but just beacuse you cant see heartbreak and it isnt tangible doesnt mean that it hurts any less, i for one think this is very valid.

 

I drag myself ove rthe coals everyday, dont want to but cant help it, my mind and weakness are my 2 worst enemies.

 

This is my first time being heart broken, im 38 and have never had this happen to me before, if i could have a wish now it would be that i have never have to deal with a broken heart again.

 

Thanks for your post

 

A new friend

[LoveHearts21]

Steve, I imagine it will be citalopram which you have been prescribed by your Dr?

 

I have never actually taken any myself but have been prescribed those in the past. I just refused to take them because I was scared of the side effects.

 

As with all antidepressants they can make you feel worse, having suicidal thoughts, nausea, anxiety and panic attacks etc. You should have a chat with your Dr as it may well be the medication that is making you feel worse.

 

Have you been on the medication since the breakup or have you only just started on them? I know it can take a few weeks before you start to feel a little better.

[stevef20]

Hi Summer,

 

The ones you mention are the ones im on, Ive been on them about 5 weeks now, did have nausea for 1st day then it went, dont think i have the side effects, been feeling like this for way longer.

 

Thanks for caring

[Tryptophan]

It takes some time for them to start to work but check with the prescribing physician to see how long you should wait. It might just be a feeling after the breakup. I know for a long time I felt nauseous and didn't want to eat but it got better once I started concentrating on other things. Have you tried maybe reading books about something that interests you? I found that to be even more helpful than 'hanging out'.

[LoveHearts21]

Do you take the medication on a morning or late at night?

 

If you still feel no better than you were before you started on the medication I would have a chat with your Dr. Have you started off on the lowest dose? Maybe the dose or medication is not right for you so it's worth having a chat with your Dr if you still feel very low.

 

I've had those thoughts too and I am not on any medication but the next day I think to myself 'I can't believe I even had those thoughts - why would I do that over him, he's not worth it'.

 

Although I would never actually go ahead and do it, it still crosses my mind when I am at my lowest.

[stevef20]

Thanks its not love, i bought a book today funnily enough, ill give it a go

[stevef20]

Summer,

 

I take it in the morning generally.

 

Im due to see the dr next week again re the pills, really not sure they are working.

 

I have the thoughts only occasionally which i know is still to often, the difference between us is that i DO feel shes worth it, i know that means she wins but hey i cant help how i feel, its very sad.