boyfriend's sister.

[kmh1239]

I'm not a huge fan of my boyfriend's sisters. They are constantly talking about people behind their backs, they are rude, and they're hypocritical. When I ask how to deal with them, most people say to just be in the relationship with my boyfriend and avoid his sisters when possible.

Well lately one of them has been inviting herself to hang out with us, and its starting to bother me. I'm always the third wheel now, and its frustrating. I know I need to get to know her better if I want this relationship to work, so I'm not saying I never want her around, but any tips on how to not be the third wheel in these situations? I'm a bit shy, and usually when I hang out with my boyfriends family, they end up talking about people I don't know, and I have no idea how to involve myself in these conversations. Also, I want something I can say to my boyfriend that doesn't sound rude but basically just gets the point accross that sometimes if we have plans, I would like it to be just us. Any advice is appreciated!

[faithful14]

If you're around the sisters, bring up topics that don't involve bad mouthing others: tv shows, movies, the news, school, jobs, anything where they can't be badmouthing. If they continue to do it, just don't get involved in the negativity.

If you love your boyfriend, you have to figure out a way to get along with his family.

 

Next time you plan a night out with your boyfriend, say something like: "I can't wait for our date tonight!" or "I am so excited to be hanging out with you tonight"

[Fey]

This reminds me of a relationship I once had with this guy and EVERYWHERE we'd go all of his cousins (which were mostly girls) would come along. It was difficult because they all pretty much did the same thing as you described with the whole talking behind people's backs and being hypocritical and it was difficult just to feel like I was part of their little group because of the people they all knew and I didn't. I just stopped hanging out with him EVERY single time when they were around. When he finally approached the situation I just explained to him how I felt. I told him that I liked him so much that I didn't want to ruin anything and understand that this is his family but I really appreciated our alone time and hanging out together without anyone else each time. He toned it down and stopped bringing them around. He also rejected them when they'd invite themselves and let them know he wanted to hang out with me alone. We still hung out with them here and there but not all the time like we used to. Anyway, not sure if this is the type of thing that you can see your boyfriend doing, but a relationship is about communicating to each other. Unless you're going to yell at him about it then there is no rude way to say it to him=) Just make sure you make him part of the whole reason and let him know that you appreciate your alone time with HIM and like to go out and do things with HIM. As far as the whole talking smack behind people's backs, there isn't much you can do...I guess just sit back and enjoy the show! lol. Good luck!!!!!

[kmh1239]

Thanks for the responses

I do try to get along with them but I feel like nothing ever changes. Anytime I've tried to bring up that I like spending time with HIM , he takes it personally and says that I don't like his sisters...which to be honest they aren't my favorite people but I try to get along with everyone.

I just am at the point where I don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend and don't want to lose him, but his sisters are somehow getting involved in our relationship, and not in a good way. But when I try to talk to them, it almost seems pike they to out of their way to not be friendly.

Anyway, thanks for the replies, next time ill try to bring up things that I can actually be a part of the conversation, and when I talk to him about of, I will emphasize that I like spending time with HIM.

Thanks!

[DylanNotorious]

I'd be a bit suspect of a guy wanting to hang out constantly with his sisters.

 

He must know they are making life a tad uncomfortable for you. Unless he's a bit thick.

 

Tell him that you would like to date him, and not his sisters. He can hang with his sisters on his own time. Just be-careful that he dosn't let his sisters rule his life.

[kmh1239]

Well the thing is, family has always been really important to him, so he sees no problem with it. I, on the other hand, am close with my family, but not in a way where I'm going to let them hang out with me and my boyfriend. It sounds stupid, but I almost get a little jealous of them because he's so close with them and he seems to put them before me. It's also hard to deal with seeing as how they're never nice to me. But yeah, I get what you're saying. Thanks

[equinox]

Well you don't have to like a person's family to be in a releationship with them, just cordial towards them. My dad isn't fond of my mother's family and he especially dislikes her oldest brother (mutual) but he loves my mom and has been with her for over 25 years now. My advice is simply to be polite to his sisters when you have to be but not to go out of your way for them. You're in a releationship with him, not his family.

[kmh1239]

Yeah I try to be nice and polite and remember that I'm dating him not them...but when all of our plans start involving them, it gets irritating. It would be different if we had any kind of friendship, but they have let me know they don't like me (even though they have no reason for that) so I don't understand why one of them is going out of her way to hang out with us now. She's still rude to me, so its not like shes trying to make things better. I guess I just need to try twice as hard.