Poem please read and reply thanks ~wonderful man~

[ang3l2004]

I love him more then words can say,

I miss him more and more everyday.

 

He lights up my life he is perfect for me,

I just wish that he could see what I see.

 

He is so wonderful the man of my dreams,

In this life nothing is what it seems.

 

He lifts me up when I am down and sad,

He makes me feel beautiful and makes me feel glad.

 

He knows how and what to do to keep me here,

But as I look around I notice he is not near.

 

He smells so nice and as I look into his brown eyes,

It stops my pain and makes me forget all my cries.

 

When he is around and when he holds me tight,

Everything that has happened bad just goes out of sight.

 

He is the most wonderful person that I could have ever met,

My heart my soul my love my mind everything is set.

 

I can hear his heart beat from a mile away,

That just puts a smile on my face to know that he's ok.

 

He is my true love he is the one that I want for life,

I want to have his children and would love to be his wife.

 

When he smiles and winks at me and kisses my forhead,

I forget everything bad that was ever said.

 

When he comes to see me and sings to me all night,

It makes me feel safe and warm then I have no fright.

 

He never breaks his promises he is always so true,

This wonderful man im talking about has good ways to.

 

Open your arms and give me a hug and smile for me today,

I love you with all my heart and that is all I have to say.

 

by me

Tell me what you think?

[under_the_pressure]

Wow, that was beautiful. I wish you could have this man back, I know you 2 would be incredibly happy together. Keep writing, it gives me something to look forward to.

 

under*

[JuJu]

That was great. Keep on writing!

[Edge_of_6_feet]

Ok well if you want some true critiquing you could go to link removed and get some general feed back there. But I wouldn't expect the greatest comments there.. you'd probably get something like, your poem is good at expressing how you feel but at the same time it's very cliche which takes away from the meaning and depth of the poem. Also, your rhymes are very forced and poems that rhyme should flow and have meter and depth to them. Keep writing.

[ang3l2004]

Thanks alot for the replys and opinions

[fallingisfun]

Ok well if you want some true critiquing you could go to link removed and get some general feed back there. But I wouldn't expect the greatest comments there.. you'd probably get something like, your poem is good at expressing how you feel but at the same time it's very cliche which takes away from the meaning and depth of the poem. Also, your rhymes are very forced and poems that rhyme should flow and have meter and depth to them. Keep writing.

 

Edge of 6 is right. Cliche and rhymes get eaten alive with true critiquing.

[Stinkweed]

That's beautiful. Your writing never ceases to amaze me. Great job =D>

[Meow18]

I thought that was a great poem. This was my favorite line:

 

"He is my true love he is the one that I want for life,

I want to have his children and would love to be his wife."

 

I really like that line. This was yet another one of your well written poems & its so fun to read.

[i_hate_the_world47]

That was a maasterpiece.Your such a good wiriter.

 

~Meagan~

[jdyte]

Man, you are living my life - except I'm too old to have his children, he has his own as do I. I could never put it into words the way you have. I was in tears reading your poem. Thank you for sharing it because it shows that others have actually experienced what I thought nobody could possibly imagine. Wow.