whats the point of calling my ex?

[ferna3069]

ok my ex broke up with me a month ago. i told her i needed space. she did not want to give it to me. i deleted her of facebook. and got mad at me for that. i told her i needed to get out of her life. not to be mean or anything but for the same reason i just needed to heal.she started to cry and say i just wanted to be friends. i told her to give me the month forty minutes later she accedently sends me a text message,which i know is crap. all im getting out of this now is that she is playing with my emotions. im not thinking that she wants to get back with me. but she told me not to forget her. and knowing the way she is she is going to call me when the month is over.at first i wanted to be friends to get back with her. but i no longer see a reason why we should be friends. i dont know what to tell her if she calls. i dont get the point in calling her. she does not love me because if she did she would of not broken it off with me

[longdist]

It sounds like you have the right line of thought. Your ex just wants to know that you're there in the background pining over her because it boosts her self-esteem. If she calls, just tell her that you aren't interested in doing the friends route. In reality, staying friends after a relationship creates all sorts of trouble. What happens when either of you find someone new? How do you explain your friend, the ex? Just be blunt, but polite.

[9eliz]

she does not love me because if she did she would of not broken it off with me

 

Woah what makes you so sure? Why did she brake up with you?

 

I think you should at least ell her. Don't ignore her. Thats a really harsh thing to do. Just let her know.

[ferna3069]

thats the thing. i tried talking to her she would get mean. i tried been tehere for her. she broke up with me because she told me she did not feel comfterable in her own skin. because she was abused as a kid. i was going to be her friend. but then she talked about me. i always protected her. but i dont know what to do. se told me she does not love me. when i told her i need closure. i really wanted to be there for her. but i cant be there for some one who does not let me. i did not even try getting back with her because i did not want to pressure her. i told her before call me just as friends and we can just talk. but then she would get mean. after that i told her i had enough, she actualy calmed down and started talking. im just afraid of her getting mean. i always protected her. so i dont know

[ferna3069]

im not trying to be rude because im understanding about what happened. but like i said she pushes me away.. then pulls me i never ben in this situation

[longdist]

There are so many other people in the world that your ex can turn to, professional and otherwise. Staying friends in the capacity that you speak of could be detrimental to both you and your ex. You can tell her that you'll be there for her, but at the same time you have to look after yourself.

[ferna3069]

which is why i asked this question. but 9eliz asked how i was so sure about this. and also thats why i did no contact to look after myself to. because everything needs to be clear in her mind to. so she wont be angry. the only thing about this is she only went to therapy for one day. after years about been abused

[abitbroken]

Basically, she said she was not capable of being in a relationship and needed to sort herself out. That is a very brave thing to do. It is up to you if you want to remain friends with her - you wouldn't be "close" - seeing eachother all the time but be on friendly terms - while she is going through the process which at the end she may be healthy and ready to be in a relationship and want to be in one with you...or not. OR you can shut her off completely. I don't think it is an issue of her not loving you. I just think she realizes she can't love you back as big as she wants because she hasn't loved herself first. Yes, I wouldn't be her counselor. I would shut her off if you don't want to be in contact, but don't be so harsh. Just tell her that you need time to heal, that the relationship ending hurts you to, and to heal you need to be by yourself and not be in touch. It is simple as that.

[ferna3069]

thats the things. i did tell her i need to heal. i got tired of her been mean and told her to stop. after that we started to talk. i told her to give me atleast a month to heal. she said she did not know why i needed this time. and then forty mins later she accedently texted me. which knwoing her i know it was not an accident. the thing is i told her i need to heal. she knows that. she just did not want to see it.

[ferna3069]

and im asking this question because i dont know what to do if she calls. a month after. i want to be there for her not be mean. im not trying te be selfish. but i dont know if its a good idea. because i love her but she tried making me jelous. with a guy who she tried getting me jelous with. when we first got together.

[Hollyj]

She is selfish, selfish, selfish!!!!

 

She is not respecting your wishes or feelings, it is all about her and her ego.

 

Be glad you are rid of this one!

[Hollyj]

Woah what makes you so sure? Why did she brake up with you?

 

I think you should at least ell her. Don't ignore her. Thats a really harsh thing to do. Just let her know.

 

Bad advice.

 

If she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't have broken up with you. This is all about her ego.