Please help-advise needed urgently!!!

[if only]

found out my ex was seeing someone at the end of our 5 yr relationship, they are now together.

 

Now the problem is I was doing so well to get over it I am now three months down the line have a really good life and can see that I am better off without him. BUT when we broke up he promised there was no one else 'he wouldn't do that to me' he also said he wanted to be single.

 

Well in the last couple of weeks, I keep bumping into friends of ours/his (I haven't changed were I am going I think they have) they keep dripping small amounts of info out to me. I don't know what is true or not but I know it is bringing me down in a big way, I have asked them not to tell me but when you have had a few drinks you cant help it.

 

I have lost all respect for him and although I don't feel upset about him being with her (I have seen them together and was even polite enough to go over and ask how they both are) I have a lot of unanswered questions which keep going round in my head. I would like to give him a call not to lecture or discuss us, but just to ask him to tell his friends to leave me alone and confirm what is true.

 

Is this a bad idea? I have argued both sides with myself. If I see him, how do I know its the truth but on the other hand he has nothing to gain by lying anymore. I really want to just forget but I cant, I know it is none of my business what he does anymore.

 

I would just like to know why it ended to give me full closure.

 

Any advise is greatly appreciated!!!

[saren]

Hmm...

 

I had a lot of questions once, and one day someone asked me, "Does it really matter at this point?" I guess what he was meaning to say is that you may never get the answer if they don't give it, and you may still feel you need closure.

 

If you get no answers, create your own closure by just walking on and breaking those ties. Not necessarily forever, if you wish, but until you get your headspace back.

[Katheelynn]

I have to agree with saren...I experienced the same thing...my long term marriage ended with a fast divorce..2 days after it was final, he called and asked the children if they wanted to be in his wedding...I had NO idea...none...zip...it was so hard to stand b4 my children and tell them it was great for them to be in his wedding cos we wanted only the very best for their Dad. I died inside and its been over a year and Im just beginning to entertain the idea of living again. Let it go and the reasons are not important. What is important is YOU. Treat yourself with love and compassion...baby yourself...protect yourself. I wish you merry blessings.

[birdgirl]

Can't you tell his friends to leave you alone? Also, I still think he'll lie. I don't know why. I guess because he probably honestly doesn't want to hurt you.

[saren]

I hate that. They don't get it that finding out you were lied to only hurts more and exacerbates it. I saw a quote once that said that trust is like a soul, never to return once it's gone.

 

*sigh*

[SILKY]

You won't get the correct answer.. and even if you do.. how will you ever be sure. My financee dumped me.. no warning..I thought everything was great... the night he dumped me.. I came to find out that he went up to her house.. he was seeing her for six months.. and trying to get her to go out with him for two years... and I was with him for those two years.. never came clean.. I had to do all the searching, etc. He still says whose Kelly..lol.. even says it to his mom.. so I conveniently gave his mom Kelly's number.. and sure as anything.. she called up and asked for her son.. and low and behold .. he was at Kelly's house.. the lying cheating son of a ....lal allaalalal....lol... Its been a month and I'm doing okay.. still wonder HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND... but there it goes... its a fact.. but on the other hand.. if he would do this to me... he will do it to her too.. and she had no clue as to I was his financee .. so she says.. but I told her.. all the crap he did.. and they are still together.. so I guess he said I was a raving lunatic...lol.. which I'm not...

[fantasia2004]

Truth hurts if you are willing to face it and deal with it no matter how painful it is.

 

Do you want to revisit hell ?