Y do guys act like jerks yet still say they care?

[adidas7fire]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months now. We have been facing a tough dilemma -- in less than a month, he's going to be moving away to college in TN. (Here's some background info: he's 19, starting a new college and I'm 22, just about to graduate in a few months.)

 

Anyways, these last few days, he's been acting differently and it's so apparent. He blames it on stress (which I'm sure is a factor but not the total reason) yet I'm the one that gets the jerkish attitude. There are things that he doesn't do anymore that he would normally do (even including showing affection like hugging me or kissing me). We had decided a while ago that once he left for TN, we were just going to be friends because the chances of both of us finding new people to become romantically involved with is better than none. Yet, we agreed to always stay friends regardless of where we are at or who we are with. Yeah, that's easy to say at a time like this but when the mutual breakup does happen, I don't think that staying friends will be just that easy. I'm sure there will need to be some time for separation but I don't know.

 

Basically, my question is why do guys just out of the blue quit doing certain things and act like the way they do, as if no one will notice, even the person they've been dating for a while? It's all the little things that are getting to me, things that constantly drive me nuts, yet it seems like there are barely any answers to fulfill my questions that I write here or the ones that are floating in oblivion in my head/heart. What's your opinion?

[Mr.Smith]

Sounds to me with going to college, and a mutual breakup about to happen, he just may be a bit stressed, and trying to figure out how to deal. Maybe he doesn't really realize his behavour has changed. He may be unconsciously distancing himself from you, knowing you are breaking up, sort of a defense mechanism. I have always wanted to ask women your very same question.

[EatZ]

I agree with Mr.Smith, there's every chance that he could be stressed out, but the more likely answer is the pending break-up is bugging him. He's either hating the fact that you two have to break-up, or he's doing what he can to move on -- and that includes (perhaps?) making you hate him and becoming distant.

 

There is a detachment phase that sometimes pre-empts a lot of break-ups. It happened to me in the form of coldness and unwillingness to be intimate. Arguments got more and more frequent. Hugs and kisses were few and far between, and I just generally felt less and less loved than I did before.

 

You both know that the break-up is looming, so his behaviour -- while hurtful -- sounds predictable.