lending money to a new friend

[MissSMcc]

i wish she would just go away, she keeps texting me saying thank you and she'll see me soon etc, to be honest i think its all a crock of (bleep) now. i havent been replying. im sure the next time she asks for money (which im pretty sure she will) and i say no she'll back off. this is why im so unsociable. i dont make friends easily, i dont really like having people there all the time, and usually when i decide to stop being such a party pooper and have a conversation with someone something like this happens. its like i have the words easy target stamped on my forehead.

[MissSMcc]

she just text me saying she has some stuff to do today but might pop round tomorrow if im not doing anything, i havent replied yet, she was supposed to pay me back today, whilst i dont expect to ever see that money again im wondering how i should approach this, do i just not mention it or do i say to her have you got it or something? i keep thinking if i just dont mention it she might think she can just do that to me and get away with it, which might make her more inclined to ask me again in the future.

[agent1607307371]

Definitely ask her.

 

She's the mooch, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.

[MissSMcc]

agent i text her back saying 'busy tomorrow but if you managed to get any of the money i lent you just stick it in the letterbox, ta.' so i dont think i sounded too harsh, but let her know i expect it back (i actually don't but at least it'll put her off asking again)

[lavenderdove]

There's a big difference between being cynical and being wise, so don't worry about being cynical. With any stranger, it is wise to not let them get too enmeshed in your life until you know their circumstances.

 

If this woman doesn't live with her kids AND asks strangers for money, then there's obviously a big problem of some kind there... probably drug abuse or irresponsibility, and that kind of person just doesn't make a good friend and you don't want to enable her drug use. People who are lazy mooches or addicts will go to great lengths to NOT work or find a steady job, because they prefer to take it easy and do their own thing. The fact that she is so comfortable asking a stranger for money also shows that she does this often, and most likely her family and friends are refusing to give it to her.

 

So you did the absolute right thing... stay strong, and i suggest you NOT let her into your life because she sounds like bad news, even if you get your money back... sometimes people like this will borrow a little money then pay you back to build your trust, then start hitting you up for bigger amounts later that they don't pay back. Or they build your trust, then get into your house and steal, or steal your credit cards or checks out of your purse, or even steal your identity if they're really grifters.

 

A normal person just wouldn't ask strangers for money like this, they would be holding down a job to support themselves. They would not be mooching off everyone they know while not taking financial care of their kids. That points to drug use or massive irresponsibility on her part.

[MissSMcc]

lavenderdove i agree, im not going to be horrible to her but i am staying distant, since the second time she asked for money she has text me 6 or 7 times, ive only replied twice, and one of those was to say the above. did i mention shes 37 years old, so its not like shes some kid that hasnt gotten used to paying bills yet. so i will stay as distant as i can, and eventually she'll take the hint or find someone else to bother.

[Tanzi]

agent i text her back saying 'busy tomorrow but if you managed to get any of the money i lent you just stick it in the letterbox, ta.' so i dont think i sounded too harsh, but let her know i expect it back (i actually don't but at least it'll put her off asking again)

 

I think that is perfect.. The fact that you have asked for your money back has proven to her that you aren't such a walkover and that you are now unlikely to lend her anymore all the while she still owes you the money you have previously lent her ... so even if you don't get your money back, at least she (hopefully) won't bother you for some more. She may even avoid you if she knows you may ask again. Has she stopped texting you so much since you sent this text. I bet she starts backing off now.

[MissSMcc]

a-little-blue i didnt hear from her all weekend, got a text this morning saying she has been unwell and should have my money on wednesday. im sure something else will come up by then though. either way, shes not getting another penny from me. im not going to let myself feel awkward about it, shes the one in the wrong here (clearly!).