mark4 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 what a turn around again... I think it's the exam result that has helped bring me out of the hole today.... if you read my last few posts today I was on a bit of a spiral downwards - basically just wondering about her. Then I questioned wether or not I should let her know the result. 1. What's the point - she will find out anyway because I know she will be checking up on me. Therefore it's a kick in the teeth to her because she will feel she's not important enough for me to bother to let her know. In the past she would have been first. 2. That would be breaking my NC and I'd be starting from scratch, and I don't wana do that unless initiated by her. Great.... I just hope I can stay like this - as everyone keeps telling me I'm going to have to take the ups and downs. I know I'll miss her again, maybe later. But the urge to contact her will be resisted. I've made plans for a FIFA tournament with guys from work tonight so that will keep me entertained. If she pops into my head and ruins it I will be really angry with myself. I need to just kick back and enjoy it. I've also made plans for a friend from Uni to come visit me for a whole weekend. Just a lad's chill out and night out weekend. Really looking forward to that - one things for sure. If I was with my ex, that basically would NOT be happening. If anyone has any pointers for me from my last few posts or this one it would be greatly appreciated. Mark Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Just keep thinking logically. Glad you figured out the key word in no contact on your own. And the fact that she will realize you are excluding here from stuff. It really is a win-win. See? You're getting there. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Just keep thinking logically. Glad you figured out the key word in no contact on your own. And the fact that she will realize you are excluding here from stuff. It really is a win-win. See? You're getting there. Yeah after what I've been through I just hope it bothers her! Then again it potentially makes no difference to me really if she has no thoughts of reconciliation in the next few weeks. I need to stop clinging on to that hope!! Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 I think the past few weeks are going to be really important for the rest of my life - it's been such an experience, a really bad one. But there seem to be benefits coming out of it now - or maybe not now but I can see benefits. Like , next time if a girl broke up with me I'd say are you sure?... her: yes! me: ok then... Then I'd walk away and start NC immediately. No tears. Just straight NC. It's helping me so much not contacting her. It's making me not want to contact her most of the time. Now that it's been a couple of days I can't be bothered. I definitely don't wanna break my NC - in a strange way i'm proud of it. I feel proud of myself for letting her go. I don't NEED her. I just WANTED her back. That's only because I felt safe and we had plans. Suddenly the plans disappeared and my life was in ruins!! No wonder I lost the plot. The plot of my life went off the radar!... Now the radar is back on and I'm in the centre of it. My friends and family are surrounding me. No sign of my ex. This has been my best day since it happened. I've eaten lots! I'm so full it feels great. One of my friends dropped by to give me a congrats card and a bottle of whiskey for passing my exam. Secretly I know its because he knows ive had a tough time. A few of the guys chipped in. The card is signed 'From The Boyz ... A.K.A MEN'. How good is that! so uplifting for me, having such great support. I like writing on here instead of texting her. It's really therapeutic, I'm making progress and I can look back on this tomorrow IF i feel like I have done on other mornings and try to get back to this state. I still have slight slips of the mind like 'is she seeing anyone new' .... or 'is she out in a bar speaking to a guy' ... or 'is she texting a new guy from work'.... when those thought come in my heart flutters and my stomach churns but I can push those thoughts out of my head much easier. My eye is twitching less now too but still twitching. I'm whistling or casually humming (as you do haha) when i'm walking around the house. So i'm feeling a sense of normality is returning I guess, which is great. need to keep this up into day 3 of NC... "hey, why isn't he kissing my butt anymore???" - because I am more important to ME than YOU thesedays. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 morning - not really sure how I feel today. still think about her from the second I wake up but no dreams invoving her last night. So I had a good 7 hours rest from it all. hmm... gonna try lose myself in work for a few hours to keep my mind occupied. Can anyone explain why I'm finding evenings much easier than mornings? Is there anything I can do? Link to comment
Real Deal Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Our sleep patterns replay what is in our subconcious throughout the day, whether we dream about it or not. Plus, you spend the day doing other things so your emotional state is higher at night generally. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 Our sleep patterns replay what is in our subconcious throughout the day, whether we dream about it or not. Plus, you spend the day doing other things so your emotional state is higher at night generally. Okay, well hopefully it will fade as days go by. What do you suggest about doing things like facebook photos? There are loads of mine which she is tagged in too and I'm not sure wether to leave them or not. I kind of dare not even look at them incase it upsets me.... into Day 3 of NC I go! Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 BREAKING NEWS! - My ex just text saying well done for passing my exam , congratulations, I new you would, really pleased for you! x what do I do??? this is the first uninitiated contact i've had?? arrrhhhhhhh!!! HELP! Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 anybody please I really need some advice.... here are my options I think 1. Don't reply 2. Reply saying 'thank you x' 3. Reply saying 'ah okay thanks, didn't think my name would be mentioned on your time line seeing as you blocked me!' 4. Reply saying 'thanks, hope you had a nice time visiting family x' 5. Reply saying 'okay thanks, hope your well' This is DAY 3 of NC btw after 2-3 weeks of me grovelling for anyone who doesn't wanna read my story. I could really use some advice??? Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 SHE FINISHED OUR RELATIONSHIP AND HAS OFFERED NO SECOND CHANCES. I have to accept that now!! She doesn't deserve a second chance never mind me!! I am the only one who matters here NOT HER! I've been through hell these last 3 weeks... not eating waking up through the night. My eyes twitching like theres no tomorrow. I don't deserve that - I've been a hell of a boyfriend to her - i've treat her like a princess at times. And why not when you love someone thats what you do. The good things i've done for her FAR outweigh that. One of these days with my NC rule in place I JUST KNOW!....she is going to text me to ask how I am. As soon as that text arrives I know what it means.... she has made one HELL of a mistake. "if" you reply at all - "thanks" is all i would say. not sure that you even should. need more advice from more experienced guys here. how did she find out about your exam? Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 here is the message she wrote "came up on my twitter (my friend) wrote well done to you... congratulations on passing the exam. i'm really pleased for you, I knew you would!!x" she could have checked my twitter and covered it up with the message my tweet my friend sent to me. I made it clear we can't be friends to her. Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 really, you probably should just ignore the text from her. you felt great last nite, without her in your life. get with someone that is encouraging you to be strong without her, and trudge ahead - best i can offer. i haven't had to deal with my ex contacting me, that makes it easier for me. Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Twitter, Facebook ,and the like will make setbacks easier for you. You need to do some blocking, deleting, and such to stay strong, or she will use them to her advantage. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 really, you probably should just ignore the text from her. you felt great last nite, without her in your life. get with someone that is encouraging you to be strong without her, and trudge ahead - best i can offer. i haven't had to deal with my ex contacting me, that makes it easier for me. My initial instinct is not to text back. It's nice she did, BUT..... 1. Remember all the grovelling I did which she ignored or said 'I don't really know what to say, sorry' 2. If I do I lose my NC!!! 3. I know that it's going to wind her up that I havent responded, she will be checking her phone every 5 mins. Knowing what she is like. 4. I may lose my current sense of empowerment that my NC made her crumble. 5. If I ignore, there may be more to come. Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 3. I know that it's going to wind her up that I havent responded, she will be checking her phone every 5 mins. Knowing what she is like./QUOTE] Perfect reason not to respond. We tend to be way too "reliably" there for them - hence the reason we get treated like doormats. don't worry that there will be more, if you want this, you can do it, there are plenty of other women for you to get with when your head is back on straight for a month or more. Think of that, new faces, new voices, new bodies. That's all in the stars for you only if you move on. You're still the guy she fell for, you will just be wiser and more confident - the next gal will want you even more for that. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 Thanks for your advice again anthony. I've decided on not responding. I can't think of 1 benefit in replying to be honest! Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 Hmmmm.... I'm having thoughts that I should send "okay, yeah I did thanks".... But waiting a while to send it. She has looked for an excuse to contact me and has reached out. Arggghhh I dunno??? Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 I sent this 'okay thanks hope london was gd' .... no questions or anything and not going to let it affect my progress. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 Ah for gods sake I feel like I've taken a step backwards. I shouldn't have replied. Really kicking myself and feeling down again. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 Actually NO! Im not gonna give myself a hard time over a 6 word text message. I was just being polite instead of ignorant. I didn't ask questions and I didn't start conversation. I've come a long way since my groveling days. This is just a lapse in concentration. MAN head back on. Going to hit the gym and get that post-gym high! I wish I'd ignored it - sorry to Anthony4 you gave me some good advice but I caved!! So annoyed with myself, but I'm okay! Back online! Come on Mark, I can do this! So I'm back to 0 days NC... but i'm still keeping my non-initiated contact record of 3 days haha! Damn - so annoyed I replied in a way but gonna turn that into a determination to carry on my good progress!! She hasn't text back by the way if you hadn't guessed, not that there was much you can say to what I wrote. IF she wants me she back will have to do better than that! Link to comment
Outshined Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Do not beat yourself up. Get back on that horse. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 I feel like I let you guys down takin the time out to give me advice and then there's me giving in to her. Sorry lads Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 I feel like I let you guys down takin the time out to give me advice and then there's me giving in to her. Sorry lads Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 no worries, tomorrow comes Link to comment
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