mark4 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 It means nothing except for she has an ego and is narcissistic in a way. Live your life as if she never existed for now. TRUST ME. This is not over by a long shot unless you F it up. Drop off the map for a while...no twitter, no FB or any of that other stuff. Do you mean dont use facebook and twitter to contact my friends? Anyway I've read too much into it because in blocking me it only prevented me from seeing her.... she could still see me. So now I'm unblocked the only difference is she thinks i'll be checking up on her. 24 hours NC Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 I'm feeling better this afternoon... was in depair this morning but reading posts on here has certainly helped. Anthony4 kept me on the right track - I owe thanks for that. I've still got the anxiety and not managing to eat all that much but the no contact is helping. It's like a challenge and feel I would have let myself down if I do contact her. Real Deal are you sure I shouldnt just use twitter as normal and convey the image that I'm getting on perfectly fine without her. If I'm not using it like I normally do won't she think i'm not being myself and just wallowing in self pity? Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 im up and down like an emotional yo-yo here! i'm using this thread to unleash all my feelings instead of texting her! I'm feeling a little unsettled... whats my aproach here. Am I trying to make her want me back with NC or am I trying to forget her altogether. If you read my posts so far that answer to that one is obvious. It feels like an addiction and i'm suffering from withdrawals. I've noticed mornings are far harder....i cant eat breakfast and just about manage lunch. I feel on edge like my leg is tapping and my mind keeps whirring round with all different thoughts. I'm still in denial I think... she has told me it's over but she has told me a million times before I am the one for her. Like i've said it feels engrained in me. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 having a bit of a sad moment... really missing her Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Ive just read through my whole thread - jesus! why am I even bothering caring. Why did I ever grovel to her. What makes her so special I should be doing that?? Answer: nothing - the only reason I'm doing it is because it has been such a long relationship considering I'm only 23. Ive got my whole bloody life ahead of me. SHE FINISHED OUR RELATIONSHIP AND HAS OFFERED NO SECOND CHANCES. I have to accept that now!! She doesn't deserve a second chance never mind me!! My last few posts i'm talking like a kid ooo she's unblocked me on twitter! so what!? what does that prove? ... that she wants me to be able to see her tweets. ... yeah and what does that prove? that she is playing games! Am I right? This is such a ridiculous situation - i've loved this girl so much... that it actually almost made me lose the plot when she decided 'okay - i've had enough now' I am the only one who matters here NOT HER! I've been through hell these last 3 weeks... not eating waking up through the night. My eyes twitching like theres no tomorrow. I don't deserve that - I've been a hell of a boyfriend to her - i've treat her like a princess at times. And why not when you love someone thats what you do. Yeah okay I've said some rubbish horrible messages which I regret. The good things i've done for her FAR outweigh that. One of these days with my NC rule in place I JUST KNOW!....she is going to text me to ask how I am. As soon as that text arrives I know what it means.... she has made one HELL of a mistake. Rant over haha Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Keep the YOU attitude. It's really all that matters. You'll still still have good and bad days. I do after 30NC. But in reality, when you feel you gave more than you took (me too) all you can do is accept it as it is now. I read somewhere to make a list of reasons why i shouldn't be with her. I have it next to my PC. And i don't think of the good times. I don't wanna get all melancholy. Maybe in a very long time, the good times will have their place in my mind. Just as GWBush said "wouldn't be prudent at this juncture". Keep the faith, we're all in this together. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Keep the YOU attitude. It's really all that matters. You'll still still have good and bad days. I do after 30NC. But in reality, when you feel you gave more than you took (me too) all you can do is accept it as it is now. I read somewhere to make a list of reasons why i shouldn't be with her. I have it next to my PC. And i don't think of the good times. I don't wanna get all melancholy. Maybe in a very long time, the good times will have their place in my mind. Just as GWBush said "wouldn't be prudent at this juncture". Keep the faith, we're all in this together. At the minute I have good hours and bad hours! I've just been to the gym... makes me feel a bit better. Although it's still on my mind and in the pit of my stomach. I already made the list on like Day 3 - it helped. but like I said in one of my other posts sometimes I even miss all the annoyances. It's so strange. I think i've definitely cried my last tear for her. This is the first day i've not cried for 3 weeks I think? I don't really remember it's all a bit of a blur now. Do you guys think I'm doing okay? I'm worried all this feeling better is fake and it's going to hit me again. I do miss her but i don't want to go to the bad place i've been frequenting in my mind over recent weeks. How do you be happy to be on your own when you have spent so long with a safety net which you thought was guaranteed never to let you fall into single life. Thank you for all your responses - it really is keeping me going. Link to comment
Outshined Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 How do you be happy to be on your own when you have spent so long with a safety net which you thought was guaranteed never to let you fall into single life.? One step at a time. One day at a time. Grieving is a process. It is perfectly normal to go through the stages, which are different for everyone by the way. The stages differ in their length, and their intensity dependent upon the individual. When I say one step/day at a time. That is exactly what I mean. and after awhile you need to learn and live this............ "When you choose the thoughts/behaviors....you choose the consequences." If you choose to be upset and sad and angry...... as hard as this is to hear...THAT'S ON YOU. I say this to help you, not hurt you. With time yo will come to understand this. You just need to get your feet planted on solid ground. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Thank you - I understand, it's going to take me time. I feel like I'm moving fast now that I've started NC . only starting Day 2 now but that was a big step for me. I was texting and ringing everyday- crying and groveling like a total wimp!!! ah my god it makes me cringe now. I've been to the gym tonight and got the buzz you get. I'm on a high - payday is approaching and I'm going to buy myself some new clothes and a gadget or something. My ex bought me pretty much ALL my nice clothes. Theres no point throwing them away? (opinions here?) but I need to add my own stuff so I dont wear what she got everyday. I've promised myself I'll do that. I feel I deserve some treats , I've been through so much emotionally and it will do me good. I think anyway. The mentality I have now I wanna keep, Mark matters most in Mark's life ... then family .... then friends (all those who love unconditionally) .... then my career... and last of all a girl. A girl's love is conditional (whatever BS they come out with about you being the one). Because of that they come behind all of those other more important aspects. I need to remember all this stuff when I get sad tomorrow morning. Its great to have a place to come and write it all so I can go back through it and get back to this mentality. Thank you for your advice Outshined.... just like the others it's really helping and making me mentally stronger and self sufficient. (Bit by bit.... little by little as you say) Link to comment
Outshined Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 You are most welcome. We all need the insights of others at times. I think our ability to be objective is what really helps. That and our own experiences. Keep your head up.........and when you need to vent. Vent here. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 I have vented 26 times in less than 48 hours haha - meanwhile my ex's phone is not receiving any texts or calls from me. Bet she's like... er.... what the hell is going on? why isn't he kissing my a** anymore?? Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 all i can say to that is Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 well a pat on the back to you - you helped me out today. cheers man! Link to comment
anthony4 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I'm just glad you found this forum. Not sure where i'd be at if i hadn't. Happy to help, and i've only got a month under my belt. Some guys here will shoot ya straight from much more experience. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 No same here - except i know where I'd be - crying - texting, calling , being ignored, being told its over, being told we can be friends, getting mixed signals. 'can we ever get back together? ... yes or no?' ..... 'I don't see how we can AT THE MINUTE'. I was like a dog and she was the owner. Now I'm becoming a proper MAN and she is just my ex. Will she call? Will she not ... right now I couldn't care less. But thats now... hopefully I can take this into tomorrow morning.... the weakest part of my day for the last few weeks. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 You begged her to go out with you for 2 whole years? Wow no wonder it hurts so much! Yeah, it was on and off but that's pretty much how it went. It was never 'the right time'... I've been such a fool. Link to comment
Real Deal Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 You need to do a TOTAL 180 and treat her like she is nothing. Not in a mean way but just treat her like she is just another girl...because at this point she is. You're doing fine man. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 On my way to work - feeling a little sad as usual but not as bad today. The feeling is still in the pit of my stomach like its doing back flips.my mind keeps thinking and wondering if she will text... And then it replays her voice telling me it is over in a really cold manner as if she didn't care about me. I was doing great last night. I really didn't care about her anymore, feel like I've taken a step back. Not all the way back to square 1 though. I don't wanna feel sad for her. She left me! I bet she isn't going thru this torment so why should I? I'm worried that I don't care if she is seeing anyone else that its going to hit me and ill start getting worked up again and be upset. I wish I could go back to last night when I said I didn't care. I actually didn't. And now I do again Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 arrrrgghh ... i'm not doing well. she is all I can think about, it's doing my head in. I know it's my choice what I think about but the 'good old days' keep coming back in. The worry of will I ever find anyone else as nice who likes me is with me. I miss her too, I miss her being nice to me everyday and sending me messages letting me know she loves me. I hope she is going through this too Link to comment
Real Deal Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 arrrrgghh ... i'm not doing well. she is all I can think about, it's doing my head in. I know it's my choice what I think about but the 'good old days' keep coming back in. The worry of will I ever find anyone else as nice who likes me is with me. I miss her too, I miss her being nice to me everyday and sending me messages letting me know she loves me. I hope she is going through this too Total Bullsh^t and nonsense that you will not find someone as nice that likes you. This is a trick we play on ourselves. You wanna know how to make it where that doesn't matter? Like YOU more than anyone else every possibly could. If you do that this will NEVER happen to you again. You, and you alone are responsible for the way you feel. You may THINK she made you happy but that is a load of crap. No to mention it puts a ton of pressure on the other person when we do this (trust me on this). What did you do for Mark today besides go to work? Nothing I'll bet. Until you start doing for YOU this pain will continue and you will be dragging the process out forever. Man up my friend. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Total Bullsh^t and nonsense that you will not find someone as nice that likes you. This is a trick we play on ourselves. You wanna know how to make it where that doesn't matter? Like YOU more than anyone else every possibly could. If you do that this will NEVER happen to you again. You, and you alone are responsible for the way you feel. You may THINK she made you happy but that is a load of crap. No to mention it puts a ton of pressure on the other person when we do this (trust me on this). What did you do for Mark today besides go to work? Nothing I'll bet. Until you start doing for YOU this pain will continue and you will be dragging the process out forever. Man up my friend. She did make me happy sometimes though - I was happy before the relationship ended. I guess I need to get back to last nights mentality somehow. Mornings are always the worst, I have no idea why. It's disappointing because before I nodded off to sleep I felt great. Only Mark mattered. I feel like an emotional yo-yo except I am not really controlling staying up very well. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 I still havent let go yet... I'm still hoping she will text me. I still believe she loves me and cares for me and thinks I am the one for her. I feel like this breakup is just an attempt by her to get the spark back when we get back together so that she scares me so much she ensures I don't be like I was. Or is all that just wishful thinking? Why do I want her back so much when I didn't care yesterday. I feel like I must have been kidding myself and thats really disappointing. I'm constantly wondering because I implemented NC 2 days ago that she will be wondering why I'm not calling/texting anymore. Is she going through all that. Does she miss me? I can't find that out at all and I really wish I could. Last I heard she said she was going to stay with some family to 'clear her head' ... by that did she mean that when her head was clear she would be more willing to open discussion to a fresh start? I'm so messed up. Can somebody put me on the right track about all these thoughts? Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 yesssss!!! just found out I passed a software testing exam I took the other week - I told the ex I'd tell her the result. What you think? That would be breaking NC wouldn't it? Link to comment
Outshined Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Don't tell her now. Maybe some day in the future. But not now. Hang in their pal..... and btw....congratulations on the exam. Link to comment
mark4 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 thanks outshined Link to comment
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