Am I being irrational here??

[katka]

Ok, if you were dating a guy for approx. two months or so, you never had any kind of talk about what was going on as far as the relationship, and then he goes away for a little over a week on vacation... (oh, we usually see each other approx twice a week and talk on the phone usually just to make plans) would you expect the guy to call or email you at least once while they were away??

[teenresearch]

No, you are not being irrational but might be approaching this from female point of view and as much as I hate to say it, the males seem to have a different approach. Many guys are affraid of commitment (I know I am generalizing). Talking about relationship is in a way opening the discussion on the topic of commitment. So, many guys just avoid talking about this unless they are interested in a really serious relationship. I think generally this is a function of the maturity of the couple. How old are you and he?

[katka]

I'm in my thirties and so is he. He seemed (notice past tense now) to be the one who was all gung-ho about us and I was more cautious. Whenever we left each other from a date he would want to know when he would talk to me again or see me again. Now this. I would think if he really missed me or cared remotely; he would have called, no??

[teenresearch]

Well, may be he is at a place with no phones around? I would say, be patient, and when he returns back home, try to talk to him and discuss openly your feelings about the need to communicate and to have predictability.

[katka]

I guess I look at it as in this time and age of technology...if one really wanted to "reach out and touch someone" they could. He's in Puerto Rico not the Amazon. I'm just really disappointed. And feel like throwing this to the curb at this point.

[teenresearch]

Well, you have any right to be disappointed. All I am saying is you might want to give him a chance to express his side of the story. Good luck

[OhJeeeez]

Not to be mean, but this is coming from a guy. Is it possible he is just having too much fun? I mean, its only a week?

 

Did you two make plans to contact each other while he was gone at all or did it never come up? I say, give the guy a break, if he was that into you before he left, a week away will only intensify that feeling. I agree with the other poster, don't be so quick to judge.

[katka]

well, before he left he said "maybe I can email you or phone you to see what you're up to" well, he didn't.

 

I guess as a girl, if I'm away on a trip, I'd think about the guy that I liked and phone at least once. But maybe guys are different. Seems odd.

[teenresearch]

Yeah, men are from Mars, women are from Venus Sorry to say it but that is true.

[OhJeeeez]

Hey, but we dont look like martians.

 

I would wait till he gets back and see what he says...

[Scout]

I understand how you feel, and it's certainly disappointing that he hasn't contacted you. But to be honest, at this stage you are only dating, and he really doesn't "owe" you the phone call. I know you like him very much, and I think he likes you a lot, too, BUT - he is obviously more comfortable taking this at a slower pace. Think about the good things you like about him - it doesn't sound like you had a problem with anything he did before he left - and when he comes back, be genuinely happy sounding to hear from him. You might make him wait a bit before he can hang out with you again, just to "jar" him a little, but I'm telling you, if you let him know you were upset he didn't call, inadvertently it will put you in the "pursuer" role, and I don't think you want that.

 

I'm sure he likes you very much. But at the beginning of relationships, guys can get a little freaked out when they start to like a girl, so may do something to slightly distance themselves. Your best bet is to be a happy, merry soul who isn't always available either. Annoying games, but kind of a necessary evil at the beginning of a relationship. My two cents anyway.

[Day_Walker]

lets honestly address this issue, You want some sort of indication as to how he feels about you, when you havent even discussed a relatioship with him. It seems like you are asking too much some guys call and some dont. He isnt gone for a long period of time so i wouldnt stress the issue, but if you want some more commitment then why dont you inquire about it rather than guessing the feelings he has for you.

[Scout]

I think its too early to inquire about his stance on a relationship. Please, give it a bit more time. You've only been seeing each other a couple times a week, and that's just not enough yet to gage if indeed you want a relationship with him. Honestly, every time I've been the first one to ask a guy "Where do you see this relationship going?", it always backfires on me and they get distant, I get upset and the situation gets worse. Guys like to pursue. When you ask that question, they know you're this close to being hooked. When you don't ask, and don't seem to care, than they start to wonder, hmmmm...does she really like me? Does she want a relationship? And then they pursue!

 

An old boyfriend of mine once went away on vacation for a week, and didn't call me until the night before he was supposed to leave - because he had a cold and couldn't go out with the guys that night! Needless to say, I was irked, too, but tried to keep it to myself. We dated a long time afterwards.