driven to suicide by debts and likely relationship breakup

[gd_4_nothing]

i am contemplating taking my life, sooner rather than later

 

i'm financially zero now and have huge piles of debts from credits and banks.. even though i'm employed, the salary is just not enough to cover even the interest alone and min repayment due. as time goes by, the debts keep growing and growing. finally,i don't have the means at all to repay this debts, even if given another 10 yrs or so...

 

looking back, i really regretted the circumstances which led to where i am now. having some savings, and wanting to marry my girlfriend as early as possible, i dabbled into the stockmarket to buy shares, knowing the risk and what not. some months, i won.. but it took just one month of losses to wipe off all the gains and in negative territory... as this goes on and on for many months, in no time, i was heavily in debt..

 

back to reality... no one has known of my financial problems, not my parents, not my siblings, and not my gf whom i know i've by now completely betrayed her trust in me. i just do not know how to tell them this shocking news.

 

very soon, the bank creditors will come knocking on my door.. and take away all my assets.. and i may also be made a bankrupt.

 

i'm very afraid of losing my gf when she gets to know abt my playing in the stockmarket. i cannot live without her. i also know that i'll be selfish and irresponsible to leave my parents if i choose the suicide path.

 

however i can't find an easier way out than to end my life first b4 anyone finds out abt it.. i couldn't face my parents, siblings and gf anymore. i have disappointed them all.

 

i'm really a good for nothing

[avman]

Well my friend, thats what the bankruptcy laws are for. You don't have to lose all your assets. You can use bankruptcy protection to work things out with creditors and get yourself whole again in a couple of years.

 

Yes it will stay on your credit report for quite awhile. But if things are as bad as you say they are, your credit is already a mess. In that case, bankruptcy actually helps because it wipes everything out and lets you start over.

 

Don't feel so bad. Many of the most successful people in the word have declared bankruptcy. Some of them have done it many times before they figured things out and made it big. Learn from your mistakes and get a fresh start.

 

See a bankruptcy attorney and explain your situation. They can advise you about the best course of action.

[jackflash]

My Friend, that IS NOT the way out of your troubles. I have been in dire straits after a divorce, with a lot of money owing.

 

I also felt that way at times, but at the end of the day it built my character even more. Take the bull by the horns, and talk talk talk.

If your G/F feels the same about you as you do about her, you should be able to face this problem together and it will make you both stronger.

 

I dont know the laws in your country but the advice from avman seems correct. Make arrangements with your creditors, and pay them off. It may take time depending on the amount, but you know what - Life is precious and you still have a lifetime to impact others and teach them from your mistakes. If you still feel despondant at times, contact a local support centre or attend councilling. You should not tackle this alone. Use friends and family for support. They might be a bit disappointed at first, but hell, they are family.

 

Good luck and dont give up.

[gd_4_nothing]

hi avman,

 

thanks for replying, i'm not sure if the bankruptcy act is the same all over the world.. being bankrupt will let the whole country knows i'm one.. and it's disgraceful. why did i let myself land in this $h%t

 

really afraid that my gf will break off our relationship.. if only i've listened to her and not let greed and foolishness overwhelmmed me. we were supposed to be married by now, if not for my lack of $$.

 

i always like to keep things to myself... i don't know if i should even approach my parents... i don't dare to approach my gf... i don't know where and how to start.

 

how i wish i can turn back the clock and never touch the market.

 

i can only blame myself. everyday, everynight, in the office, at home, while eating, i think of different ways to end my life..

 

i feel so hopeless and alone. no one can save me. and i don't want to be saved.

[avman]

You cannot turn back the clock. You can only move forward. Surely you cannot be the first person in Singapore to have had financial difficulties. There are thriving financial centers there and I'm sure others have had the same thing happen that you did. Playing the market can become addictive because its just like gambling. You keep hoping to score big on that next trade.

 

Don't beat yourself up over the past. It solves nothing. Look at the past and learn from your mistakes. Then make a new plan for yourself moving forward. It CAN be done. You've sworn off the market - thats a good start. Now its time to clean up the situation so you can move on.

 

Be honest with your girlfriend. You cannot control whether she sticks with you. You can only control your actions from this point on. Whats done is done. Its time to come clean about what happened. Let things fall where they may. Many times the fear about what will happen is much worse than what will actually happen. Facing that fear head on will remove it from your life.

 

Contact a local attorney or credit counseling group. Let them help and advise you on what to do.

[gd_4_nothing]

hi jackflash,

 

i did read that some pple do become stronger after each setback.. but how can i be like them. i'm different. i've lost my self-confidence.

 

how ironic... some yrs ago, i wanted to commit suicide because of my relationship with the same gf.. i love her the most. in fact, few yrs ago when i just started out in the working life, she was the one who helped me get out of an earlier debt situation.

 

i promised her then that i would never land myself in debt again, and wil never "play" the stockmarket. how wrong i was. the sin of greed soon took over and the vicious cycle returned. i'm faced with this guilt for as long as i live.

 

with this huge debt and the impossibility of marrying the one i love, life to me has become meaningless, and i drag my feet to office everyday.

 

i've also been taking sleeping pills.. and wish i won't have to worry another day.

[gd_4_nothing]

sadly, i don't learnt from my mistakes.

 

a look at how i accumulated my debts

 

1. initial losses were manageable

2. soon, i was withdrawing my credit line @12%p.a. to repay the losses

3. then, it was credit card cash advances @24%p.a.

4. and more cash advances to repay the min amt due, and rollover the balances

 

i figured it would take me at least 10 yrs to repay the hundreds thousands dollars "worth" of debt. the interest is killing me. but that is if i'm able to hold on my job as my work performance is affected by all these stress.

 

unfortunately, i'm hesistant in seeking to legal advice.

 

i might go for my last punt and throw whatever little $$ i still have in my pockets and go for lottery although the chances are slim.. and let luck and fate (not faith) to decide my life.

 

if i can't take my life, then let someone does it to me, or let something happens to me.

[Annonimius]

This really is a very difficult situation... I think you should realise life is a "all or nothing" game. Ofcourse you can go to the lottery and commit suicide if you don't win (which is very probable). In my opinion that really is an action a gambler would take. If you are still in the deepest sense a gambler in nature, then end your life like that.

 

If you want to start another life, without such gambling thoughts and actions, you should act differently however. You can take your loss and try to deal with it the best as possible. If your a man with some dignity, you shouldn't be scared to approach your wife. Especially if you love her, you should at least be honest to her.

 

Life is not all about money, though it may seem that way. The lack of money destroyed most of your dreams of a happy life together. There are other values in life though. Love doesn't vanish instantly, there is a chance you can save it. Furthermore there are your children, who will mostly know you as their father, not just a gambler. Ofcourse there are also a lot of rewarding other things in life that you reach after dealing with these problems (really dealing, not some coward way out like suicide). You have to find out what you value apart from money. Those things can give your life meaning and give you strength in the difficult time ahead of you.

 

Good luck with everything!

[gd_4_nothing]

my biggest fear is that with my debts, i've no choice but to break up my relationship with my gf whom i've known for 8 years. she will definitely be angry, upset and disappointed with me.

 

- with huge debts, i may commit suicide.

 

-- with a broken heart from breaking up with someone i love so very much and deeply but had betrayed her trust, i will commit suicide.

 

 

[Annonimius]

I am also in a situation where the girl I love intensely is thinking about breaking up with me (not for such severe reasons as your ones). In emotional moments (like just now) I would like to give her a gun to shoot me if she really wants to break up. It would totally destroy me to lose her. She is also baring my unborn child in her belly...

 

In more rational moments I think life doesn't end with endings of such big chapters. I may never love again and remain faithful to her forever, but still have a rewarding life because of other values I hold high.

 

My job for instance. I am a mathematics teacher out of pure idealism. That can give me meaning of life. Also friendship can be a big help and something to live for. Furthermore I have a lot of ideals and values I want to strive for. Family and not wanting to hurt them may keep me from suicide but can never be responsible for me having a rewarding life (but that's just my opinion).

[Mun]

Hello there,

I too agree that you should talk to your girlfriend. I am sure she would rather work this out with you again then lose you to suicide. Think about it. She (and you) can recover from financial ruin but it is very hard to recover from the loss of a loved one( you). I am sure you do not want to put her through that sort of pain.

 

Do seek legal advice. Many very powerful men have lost it all and started over. Why can't you?

 

My friend all you need is to believe that it can be done and then get out there and do it. Never be a quitter.

[JonnyG]

Come on lad. Swallow your pride and tell your parents and gf. They would rather want to know than for you to end your life. The sooner you let them know, the sooner they can help you out. If you end your life, not only will you destroy your parents and gf, but you will leave them with your debts as well.

[drahcir]

committing suicide isn't a way out because your creditors may have the legal right to demand payment from your family if you are gone. they may harass them, sue them, ect...that would be much worse than if you stay and deal with it yourself...also suicide is a short term solution..maybe through out the rest of your life you will improve!!!!

 

take carz,

 

Richard

[avman]

committing suicide isn't a way out because your creditors may have the legal right to demand payment from your family if you are gone. they may harass them, sue them, ect...that would be much worse than if you stay and deal with it yourself...also suicide is a short term solution..maybe through out the rest of your life you will improve!!!!

 

take carz,

 

Richard

 

This is not necessarily true. Those laws vary from place to place. Most creditors cannot demand payment from your heirs - they can only seize property that is secured by their debt or file a claim against the deceased's estate.

[gd_4_nothing]

Hello there,

I too agree that you should talk to your girlfriend. I am sure she would rather work this out with you again then lose you to suicide. Think about it. She (and you) can recover from financial ruin but it is very hard to recover from the loss of a loved one( you). I am sure you do not want to put her through that sort of pain.

 

 

my GF... she has helped me once when i was in a smaller debt situation.. i managed to pay her back then.. i also promised her i would never play the stockmarket and burn my fingers.. thus i hid from her whenever i buy/sell shares... fast forward -> how would she feel now? angry, upset, disappointed, sad, betrayed...

 

she's a very thrifty gal and i'm a very foolish guy. why didn't i listen to her advice? and why did i lie to her since i love her so much? i had plans for our future.. i wanted to marry her before she gets away.. but i didn't have the monetary means.. so stockmarket was a faster option.

 

will she trust me again? sure she will break off with me.. there're so many good and capable guys around. she's better off without me.

 

if she leaves me, my breathing will stop

[gd_4_nothing]

Come on lad. Swallow your pride and tell your parents and gf. They would rather want to know than for you to end your life. The sooner you let them know, the sooner they can help you out. If you end your life, not only will you destroy your parents and gf, but you will leave them with your debts as well.

 

my parents... i hope i have the courage to tell my parents... they may be shocked.. pray that they won't have heart attack or stroke...

 

debts... if i die, my parents will be able to claim for my insurance, which should be enough to cover the debts...

 

an unfilial and selfish child, an irresponsible bf, it wasn't supposed to end this way

 

 

[JonnyG]

They dont want the money, your more important to them than the money. They would rather spend the money and get you out of this trouble than lose you. Its obvious they are going to be disappointed, but thats nothing as to how they would feel if you commited suicide. They will think they have failed you as parents. Don't waste your chance at a still possible happy life, and you will ruin your parents life. Things can surely be worked out. Go on, tell them.

[gd_4_nothing]

thank you to all for your advice, guidance and encouragement

 

somtimes, life sux.. the whole world sux..

 

i want peace.. i want love.. i don't want money, but can i not?

 

i will make the final decision, anytime from now.

 

Goodbye~

[jackflash]

Dont despair. I really think you should attend councelling or herapy of some sort. I am not "finger pointing", but that will give you the support you really seem to be wanting.

 

As I said before. here is no easy way out. You can learn from this and move forward, or take the easy way out. If this is meant to be with your G/F then take the chance. You cant have a reltionship and hide this problem. You might feel like a disappointment, but time will heal.

 

You need to accept it will take time, and will power not to make the same mistakes. DONT hurt people along the way. Your life is worth more than $100,000 - $200,000.

 

Also you have a job. Make arrangements to pay it off. So what if it takes 10 years. Make a plan and stick to it.